


Awake

by The_JAM



Category: Hey Arnold!
Genre: Awakeverse, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:15:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 55,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27920617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_JAM/pseuds/The_JAM
Summary: Helga wakes up in the wrong bed, in the wrong room, in the wrong house, in the wrong city, in the wrong world, in the wrong universe…!!! …Or did she? Partially inspired by Flower Princess11’s “A Broken Heart”. Shortaki, and THREE crack pairings!!! Partial AU. Start of the Awakeverse.
Relationships: Helga Pataki & Arnold Shortman
Kudos: 4





	1. Introduction

[…unWARP!!!]

Good evening.

This fanfic was partially inspired by Flower Princess11’s _magnum opus_ “A Broken Heart”. However, writing began before her story was finished (she was up to chapter 88 when I started the outline), so this story is based on events which _might_ have happened in her story, say, Helga going back to Sunset Arms for whatever reason…

…and discovering something tragic which she would have never expected. In my story, Helga somehow ends up in a parallel timeline, or a parallel universe, where everything is both the same and different, and neither she nor anyone else has any clue as to how to return to her world. Shortaki all the way, with three pairings that the HA fandom has completely ignored until now. Hang on to your blue hats and pink bows!!!

* * *

“The scariest thing about a parallel universe is _knowing_ you’re in a parallel universe.” – The J.A.M.

Francesca Marie Smith

Christopher Walberg

Nika Futterman

Spencer Klein

Jamil Walker Smith

can’t tell who’s asleep or who’s

**AWAKE**

with

Michael Bacall

Toran Caudell

and Phillip Van Dyke

Special appearances by Hugh Laurie and Phylicia Rashad

Written by The J.A.M.

Edited by petsok107326


	2. PROLOGUE – WAKING UP ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE UNIVERSE

It was a cool night in Hillwood, and all the lights had turned off in the boarding house called Sunset Arms.

That didn’t mean that everyone was asleep. In the highest story, in what once was an attic and was now a bedroom, there were two figures in bed, under the safety of the covers.

And judging from the constant shifting of the comforter and the muffled giggling, the two were _definitely_ not sleeping.

Two blonde heads finally came up for air and rested on their sides, facing each other. On the left side of the bed, the head had long hair splayed all over the pillow and it was without the traditional pink bow and pigtails, while on the right side, the other head had its hair without the traditional tiny blue cap, and said hair was thoroughly tussled, but it still managed to make the face below it appear ruggedly handsome. Only the heads emerged, though; the rest of the bodies were safely out of sight in case anyone decided to enter.

Helga leaned closer and kissed Arnold’s nose. “I can’t believe your parents allowed this sleepover!!! Crimeny, don’t they know what’s going on in your bedroom, Arnoldo?”

The boy just smiled and fell into her blue eyes, “I’m really not sure. It’s not as if this room is soundproof, and they’re one story below us, so…” he shrugged. “Maybe they _do_ know and they’re okay with it?”

“But _why_ would they be okay with it? Any other parents would blow a fuse if they knew that their ‘precious, innocent child’ was in bed with his/her best friend who just _happened_ to be of the opposite sex! I mean, imagine Gerald’s and Phoebe’s parents finding out that they did something like this? And don’t get me started on _my_ parents!!! Or…well, maybe just with Olga, I suppose,” she realised, knowing that it would be a miracle if Bob and Miriam ever found out what she was up to.

He chuckled, “Considering where my parents have been for quite a chunk of their lives, they may have seen customs, habits, and traditions with the Green-Eyed People that are vastly different from what we have here, so after accepting what happens in their society, and if something like what we’re doing isn’t that big of a deal over there, maybe they decided it wasn’t worth it to make a big of a deal of it here? Not to mention that my grandparents have always been somewhat…” he thought for a moment. “…well, _permissive_ , given that Kafka book Grandpa gave me when I turned ten— _and that he THINKS I didn’t read until I was ten_ ,” he chuckled. “I guess they all wanted us to hook up right from the start?”

Helga sighed and thought for a moment, “Maybe I gave them one hint too many, which I wish I had given _you_ right from the start. I knew you were dense, but then again, I wasn’t exactly spelling things out for you, much less being consistent when I did. But hey, we finally got together, and…” her eyes moistened and glistened under the moonlight. “…we’ve been through so much together, FTI, San Lorenzo, our annoying friends, my idiot parents, and yet, we’re still together, and we’re both here, together.”

“‘Together’,” pondered her boyfriend. “Yeah, I also wish I had seen things more clearly with you. I…guess I was too distracted by other stuff, but can you blame me? Getting mixed signals tends to…confuse us guys, you know. But everything became clear, and now we’re together. And we can finally love each other with the love that we’ve wanted to give for so long.”

Her right hand reached out from under the covers to touch his smooth cheek. “And you know what else, Football Head?”

“What?” He had learned long ago to accept that phrase as a term of endearment.

“I’m never letting you go.”

“Seriously?” He raised both eyebrows. “I’m never letting _you_ go either, my love.”

“Ever?” she challenged.

“Ever,” he assured her.

“Well, in that case…” Helga sighed contentedly, closed her eyes, and proceeded to kiss Arnold’s rough lips, except she missed and kissed his pillow instead.

A quick giggle let her boyfriend know that she was okay with him teasing her and dodging the kiss, which only made him more desirable now, so she stretched her arms to embrace him again and pull him close to her and plant her lips on his—

—she kissed the pillow again.

Not only that, when she pulled her arms close, she felt a sudden lack of warmth around them and in front of her. Her lips searched for his, playfully at first, then with annoyance, and finally with desperation, as her arms joined the frantic search for her lover who _should_ have been on her left side; after all, he couldn’t have up and disappeared, right? Maybe she suddenly fell asleep and he got up to go to the bathroom? He was still here, of course, and she could tell because she could still smell his cologne—

_Wait, since when does Arnold use cologne? And why does it smell like disinfectant?_

Helga finally had enough and opened her eyes. “Crimeny! Just what do you think you’re doing, Footb—?”

She wasn’t in his room.

She wasn’t in a sleepover. In fact, it was daytime.

And she wasn’t even in Sunset Arms, much less _her_ room.

She was in what appeared to be a medical ward, and from all the white walls around her, in a hospital, perhaps? Yes, on one of those hospital beds too, but how did she end up here? Why was she here? Where did Arnold go?

The blonde girl glanced left and right, starting to hyperventilate.

“WHERE THE FREAK AM I???!!!”

* * *

_Author’s note: Their age before the switch is left for the reader to decide._


	3. 0001 – REGAINING BEARINGS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A revelation of a tragedy...

As soon as Helga yelled, she gasped as a monster headache exploded behind her eyes. She leaned back on the bed, had to breathe slowly and deeply to avoid being overwhelmed by it, and she even had to shut her eyes tight to prevent light from reaching her retinas and raising the pain level.

Some two minutes later, her headache subsided in part, so she decided to try sitting up, only to be hit by a wave of dizziness.

She raised her left arm to her head and groaned, “Man! I feel like I got hit by a truck!”

Her arm felt unusually weak, not to mention sore and—

“OW!!!”

—pained. Blinking, she took a closer look at her left wrist and saw that there was an IV needle inserted in her vein, taped securely so it would not fall out. For a moment, she thought about yanking it off, but given the sudden pain she felt whenever she moved her arm, she decided it would be better for a medical professional to remove it safely.

She also saw an electrode pinned to her left index finger, so she assumed that the electric cable flowing from it was connected to the heart monitor on her left that was silently keeping track of her heartbeat.

She looked down, pulled the sheet off her body, and saw that she was naked, or would have been if it weren’t for the two-sizes-too-small hospital gown.

“How the freak did I end up in a freaking hospital?” she asked, glaring at her body. “Did something happen the day after the sleepover?”

Helga covered herself again, closed her eyes, and tried to remember anything from the moment she tried to kiss Arnold, but as much as she tried, her mind came up blank.

“Crimeny, don’t tell me I got amnesia again! Do I have to hit my head again in order to remember?”

No one was around to answer her questions, so she glanced around the room once more. She wasn’t in a private suite, but in a ward with several other beds, some were curtained off—apparently occupied—and some weren’t because they were empty. The window on her left showed that it was mid-afternoon, but without any timekeeping device, whether analogue or digital, it was impossible to tell the exact time of day.

From her experience, she assumed that it was around 2 p.m.

Back to her bed, she wondered where the control was in order to make herself sit up, but while she was looking for that, she found the call button.

“Maybe I can get some answers now,” she grumbled, pressing it, but thirty seconds later, there was no response.

Was she dreaming?

Or… _did she just wake up?_

She pressed the button again.

And again.

And again.

But no one came.

“HEY!!! I NEED A NURSE OR A DOCTOR!!! IS ANYONE HERE???!!!” She might have felt weak, but her diaphragm was still in top shape. However, her yelling didn’t seem to disturb any of the apparently occupied beds in the ward. She frantically buzzed for a nurse and began wondering whether she was in a _very_ creepy dream, until a thin African-American nurse entered the ward, and saw Helga.

The nurse gasped, stifled a scream, and ran out the ward like a bat out of Hell, confusing the girl even more.

“Hey!!! Hey, you yutz!!! Get back here!!! What the freak is going on!!!???” She buzzed her, holding down the button with anger. “I’M CALLING YOU NOW!!! GET BACK HERE, YOU MORON—!!!”

Perhaps it was her sudden anger, perhaps it was the headache exploding again, in addition to her regaining consciousness, but her yelling stopped when she felt and heard her stomach grumbling _very_ loudly and _very_ intensely, to the point that she winced and held her hands tight against her abdomen.

“Crimeny, I guess I haven’t eaten in a while—!” She blinked, suddenly conscious of the feeling of cold metal against her skin. “Waittaminute…”

With her right hand, she reached under herself, squirmed, and carefully pulled out the offending metal object.

A thankfully clean and empty bedpan.

“Ugh, I can’t believe I’ve been using this thing…though I wonder for how long I’ve been using it.” She tossed it on the side table on her right just as the nurse returned, slowly followed by a doctor.

The doctor was a tall, thin, and rather scruffily dressed Caucasian man with short brown hair and who looked like he hadn’t shaved all week, wearing the trademark white coat over his worn-down dark sports jacket and worn-down black pants. He was walking with a pronounced limp on his right leg, assisted by a wooden cane, and blue sneakers helped his unsteady gait.

_Odd, haven’t I seen him somewhere before?_

“Well,” he said with a gruffy voice. “It looks like our amnesia-slash-coma patient is now responsive. How are you feeling?” he asked, as he carefully removed the IV feed from her wrist and the electrode from her finger.

As grateful as she was to have the needle removed, wincing slightly at the momentary sting, there was the other pressing matter at hand, “What do you mean, ‘how am I feeling?’ Doi!!! Where the freak am I?”

“And your amnesia is still alive and well, too,” his voice was dripping with sarcasm. “So let me refresh what little memory you’ve retained: you were hit by a speeding vehicle, fell into a coma, and now you’re in Drymon Medical Clinic, in the children’s ward.”

Helga sat back as he patched up her wrist.

Amnesia?

Coma?

“And…how long have I been out?” she asked, with fear slowly beginning to creep into her mind.

The doctor limped back to the base of the bed to make some notes on Helga’s chart. “Oh, I’ll say more or less three months as of yesterday. We were starting to lose hope on you, you know. Another month and we would have needed to transfer you to a hospice and let them deal with you, and they would inform us and your social worker—”

_Huh? Why the freak would I need a social worker?_

“—if you woke up or not. But it looks like no records will be broken now…and a colleague of mine owes me twenty bucks. He had you not waking up until you were nineteen.”

His demeanour and tone showed he wasn’t joking, which was quite unnerving for her.

_They were betting on my medical condition?_

“Wait, what?” She did a double take at him. “You thought I wasn’t going to wake up? And what do you mean ‘social worker’? What about Bob and M—um…” she quickly corrected herself. “…my…parents? They were okay with sending me to a hospice?”

The doctor’s tone wasn’t neutral, and she couldn’t tell if he took pleasure in giving bad news, but the vibes he was giving off gave her the impression that he simply didn’t care about anything, “Your parents are no longer in charge of you. After a month of you in a coma, they decided that you were taking too long to wake up. And given that your father was a complete idiot to _not_ have bought you _any_ sort of health insurance, not even the most basic and cheap packages, he decided that your medical expenses were siphoning too much from _his_ insurance and inflating his premiums, so he and your mother took the easy and practical way out and renounced their parental rights on you.”

Helga blanched and her jaw dropped.

**_THEY WHAT???!!!_**

“They left us with what few official documents and records they managed to find—sheesh, it took them a week to find your birth certificate—but the bottom line is that effective as of two months ago, you are now a ward of the state, i.e.—”

“A legal orphan…” they chorused, and Helga blanched even more.

“Ah, I see you’re familiar with the term,” he continued, as if he had just told her today’s weather. “So yes, legally, you’re now an orphan, despite your biological parents still being alive and well.”

If she weren’t lying down, she would have collapsed on the floor at the news, so she had to conform herself with falling back on her pillow. Sure, she knew Bob and Miriam had no idea how to be parents to _her_ , but…but this was insane! They legally abandoned her and very much left her at the doorstep of the government!

The doctor continued writing on the chart, “It would have happened sooner or later. Your biological father would have blown a fuse if he had known his premiums would have gone through the roof just from your physical therapy bill.”

She did another double take. “Physical therapy?”

“Yes, you’re lucky you got it before your muscles atrophied beyond recognition. And by the way, your therapist was rather impressed at what good shape you were in before the accident.”

_But why couldn’t she remember any accident?_

“Did you do a lot of exercise?”

His sudden question prevented Helga from going catatonic at the non-stop catastrophic news. “Um…I…I…” she faltered, then slowly came back up to speed. “I…play a lot of baseball…and some football. I…also…um…” _I also did a lot of climbing and running in order to stalk my beloved Arnold._ “Uh…I do a bit of…gymnastics…” Which was technically true.

“Ah, that explains your unusually good muscle tone, though she did say that you seemed a bit malnourished and pale when you first came in. Did you eat well at home?” he suddenly asked, showing genuine seriousness.

_No, I did not._

She glared at him, replying with his same demeanour, “Does that matter now? Bo—um…my parents gave up on me; it’s not as if I could say anything and they’d end up in trouble, right?”

He raised an eyebrow.

“Just colour me curious,” he replied.

She skilfully dodged the question, “Yes, I did eat well, I just have a very fast metabolism. Still…” she continued. “They gave up on me just like that? But that doesn’t explain why Olga didn’t take me in…”

“Who’s Olga?” he suddenly asked with a double take, now even more seriously, as if he were investigating a crime.

“She’s my—” Given his facial expression, and the expression of the nurse, for some reason Helga knew that she couldn’t divulge that much information just yet; it would be too much too soon. And would she _really_ want Olga involved in this?

_I don’t know why, but…I can’t let Olga know about this. If she never came here after three months, either she was never told, or she couldn’t be bothered to care…_

“Your…?” he demanded.

“…nanny,” she finished. “I suppose Mir—my mother fired her some time before they gave up on me. But…” She sat up. “What about my friends from school? Didn’t any of them ever visit me?” At least Arnold or Phoebe would have known she was here! And wouldn’t _they_ have tried to contact Olga if Bob and Miriam never bothered to?

“Well, now that you mention it,” the nurse seemed to have calmed down after seeing the coma patient suddenly awaken ten minutes ago. “One boy with spiked hair and a weird head from your school called or visited every day after school after your accident.”

She turned to her, eyes widened and heart racing. “A boy with spiked hair and a weird head?”

_ARNOLD!!!_

“Yes. I can’t remember his name right now, but he always asked for you, hoping you’d be awake.”

The doctor placed the chart back on its holder in front of the bed. “Now, since you just woke up from your coma, you’ll remain in observation for a day or two before you’re taken to the orphanage, or the foster home, whichever has the first spot open.” Helga’s previous excitement was quickly shot down. “Your social worker just left—she’s the only other person who visited you every day for updates, even if it was for only five minutes per visit—so now we have to call her back, and when she comes she’ll talk to you and explain your case to you in detail. Good luck, kid. _Boy_ are you going to need it…” he trailed off with condescension.

With that, the doctor and the nurse left.

_Oh, no. Not the o-word, or worse, THE F-WORD!!! There’s no way in Hell I’m going to a foster home, much less an orphanage!!! I’ve got to get out of here and find out for myself what’s going on before that social worker comes back!_

Helga waited until the two health care workers left, and then she quietly slid out of bed. As she stood straight, besides feeling somewhat dizzy, she felt a bit odd, almost as if she were unusually lighter from what she weighed before.

_Huh, must be because I haven’t eaten in three months, I suppose. Now, where are my clothes?_

She saw that the “table” on the right of the bed was actually a small dresser, so she opened the top drawer and sighed in relief when she saw her pink jumper and white shoes, as well as her underwear and her pink bow.

_And they’re clean, too. That was probably the last favour Miriam did for me, unless it was the social worker who did this because Miriam just plain forgot. AGAIN._

She got dressed, ditching the hospital gown and placing it in the drawer. However, as she let her pink jumper fall to her knees, she noticed something odd.

_Is this my dress?_

It was _a_ pink jumper, but not _her_ pink jumper. The red band wasn’t around her waist, but almost down to her ankles; in fact, the hem was practically touching her ankles; it wasn’t right below her knees as she was used to. The neckline was all the way up to her neck, instead of just under her collar bone, which would mean that reaching for her locket would be more difficult. There were no sleeves because there was no undershirt. It did include a white collar, but that was part of the jumper itself.

_Did Miriam forget to wash my shirt too? Where is it?_

She looked in the drawer again, but there was no shirt, and even worse—

_What happened to my locket?_

Searching in her pockets, she came up empty, and even after emptying both drawers, her locket was nowhere to be found.

Panic began swelling in her again.

_No locket? No poetry book? What happened to them?_

She even searched under the bed, but neither item was to be found.

_Maybe I lost them in the accident, or maybe they’re in a safe somewhere. Well, if it’s the latter, then I’ll come back for them later. I have to get out of here NOW and find out what’s going on._

She patted down her dress, or the dress that _appeared_ to be hers, but which felt alien to her. Still, the outfit seemed…complete, somehow. It was _hers_ , but it was _not_ hers, and yet, she had the feeling she had seen it somewhere, but couldn’t remember exactly where.

_Whatever. I’ve got to get out of here. I’ll come back for my locket later._

She slipped on her shoes, and sighed in relief when she saw that they still fit. Grabbing her pink bow, she looked around, but didn’t find any mirrors she could use to tie it on correctly. The only ones would be in a bathroom, but she had no idea where the nearest one was. Before she went to look for one, she saw her chart on the foot of the bed, and decided to see if she could decipher anything from the doctors’ scribbles.

And her mouth fell open.

_Crimeny!!! I DID get hit by a truck!!! And an ice cream truck, too!!! Was it Jolly Olly Man? I don’t remember getting hit by an ice cream truck! The closest I came to getting run over was when…um…when was it?_

Helga struggled as she sought that incident in her memory, and a few seconds later, it came to her.

_Yes!!! It was back in fourth grade! I was pretending to still have amnesia, and I walked across the street right when Jolly Olly Man was driving by, but Arnold pushed me to the other side in the nick of time!!! Jolly Olly Man never hit me!!! Right?_

She inspected her arms and legs, but any bruises would have faded away long ago, and any fractures would have also knitted in the first six weeks, at least.

_Huh, I guess that truck must have hit me quite some time after I got beaned with that baseball. Now, to get out of here._

She bounded to the window to examine its setup, and saw that she was at least on a fourth story, with no balcony, ledge, or fire escape.

_Can’t get out through there. Come on, Helga, think. You’ve sneaked in and out of your house AND in and out of Sunset Arms IN YOUR SLEEP. This should be a piece of cake for you!_

She walked to the entrance of the ward and peeked around the wall. The entrance led to a hallway, and nearby there was a nurses’ station with the same nurse from before, along with several others.

There was no way she would be able to sneak past them.

_Or maybe I don’t need to…_

The nurse from before was speaking to a few others, when she saw the former comatose patient walk up to her, barefoot and in her hospital gown, and tightly holding closed the back of said gown.

“You should be staying in bed,” she declared.

“Yes, and I should have woken up three months ago, too,” Helga replied, slightly annoyed. “Now, where is your bathroom? I’ve been using a bedpan for the past three months and I kinda want to know what it’s like to be potty trained again.”

“Okay, but do you need help?” asked the nurse, with genuine concern. At least she had a more pleasant demeanour than that annoying doctor.

Helga thought for a second and replied, “Nah, you helped me enough in the past three months…or at least you and your fellow nurses did. I guess it’s time I gave you all a break. Now…” She danced a bit, holding her thighs together, and asked with a slightly urgent tone and expression, “Where can I go powder my nose?”

“Down the hall, honey,” she nodded to her right, and down that hall Helga saw the restroom sign on the left wall, and below it was the bathroom door.

“Thanks. I hope that the hospital food won’t make me have to make frequent visits,” and ran off, with the nurses sighing with resignation.

Helga, still holding her hospital gown closed, practically body-checked the door open and let it swing closed. She checked the stalls and sighed with relief when she saw they were empty. She then released her gown, and the pink jumper under it fell to her ankles once more. She pulled out her shoes from the pockets and slipped those on, pulled out her pink bow, and turned to the mirror to redo her pigtails and tie her bow on her blonde hair.

She paused when she saw her reflection.

_Did I shrink?_

It would explain why the jumper was down to her ankles instead of her knees, but it didn’t explain the lack of undershirt or why the neckline was so high. Analysing her height, she came up with a disturbing conclusion:

_Did I go back in time to the fourth grade? I seem shorter! What happened to everything?_

There was only one way to find out, and she knew she wouldn’t be getting any concrete answers from either the doctor or the social worker, much less the nurses. She walked back to the door and carefully opened it a crack in order to look back at the nurses’ station. None of them seemed to be looking in her direction, and much to her relief, someone had placed a laundry bin next to the door, between her and the nurses.

_Perfect!!!_

She turned to check the rest of the hall, and saw that it turned left. On the wall there was another sign that declared that a stairway was around the corner.

_Yes!!! Must be the service stairs!!! I can get out through there!!!_

She opened the door as narrowly as she dared— _Suddenly I’m glad I’m paper thin now…_ —and ducked behind the laundry bin. Keeping crouched low, she sneaked down the hall and slipped around the corner, apparently without any nurse noticing her.

Straightening up, and with her heart almost pounding out of her chest, she ran up to the stairway door, and made her way inside.

The stairwell had a few windows, none of which appeared to be able to be opened, and looking at the signs painted on the walls, she saw that she was indeed on the fourth story. She bounded down the stairs, but she had barely gone down one story when she suddenly had to stop and gasp for breath.

Her arms and legs felt like lead, she felt dizzy again, and she was starting to sweat.

_Doi, right, haven’t moved in three months, and the physical therapy only prevented me from becoming a twig. Gotta get something to eat somewhere…somehow…_

She walked down the rest of the way, as quickly as she could, not wanting to faint from exhaustion or dizziness, but just as she reached the ground floor, another nurse, an Asian-American one, opened the door before she could.

Helga gasped in panic and hid her left arm behind her back, lest the nurse see the bandage on her wrist.

“Excuse me, little girl, these stairs are for hospital personnel only. You can’t be here,” the adult stared down at the child.

“I know, I know!” she replied with fake annoyance, trying not to appear as if she was trying to catch her breath, and quickly came up with the perfect story: “I’m trying to find the stupid cafeteria, but my idiot brother played a prank on me and he gave me the wrong directions!” She waved her right arm in frustration. “Do you know where it is? The others probably started eating without me already!”

The nurse stood back slightly and tried to calm her down, “Hey, hey, no need to get upset. The cafeteria is out through this door and then across the lobby. But remember, no matter what your brother says, these stairs are for personnel only.”

“Thanks for telling me. He must have taken down the ‘personnel only’ sign just to make me look like a moron. I’m gonna kill him when I see him. And…um…and thanks, nurse, sorry to bother you.”

“You’re welcome.”

The nurse continued her way upstairs, and Helga walked out the door into the lobby.

Could she actually walk out the main entrance without anyone noticing?

She then saw a family, a father, a mother, and three boys, all Caucasian, with one of the boys in a wheelchair, walking toward the outpatient exit. Smiling at her good fortune, she casually ran up behind them and walked beside them, as if she were part of the family, making sure no one saw the bandage on her left wrist. She almost sighed audibly when the automatic doors slid open and they all walked to the exterior.

Her eyes suddenly hurt, and her pupils contracted from the sudden sunlight, but she blinked away the tears and pain.

Before anyone could turn to look at her, she turned right, and casually walked down the sidewalk, toward the street corner. She glanced at the street names, got her bearings, and trotted toward Big Bob’s Beeper Emporium.

She only made it two blocks before she had to stop, lean on her knees, and gasp for air again, sweating profusely, and almost collapsing from exhaustion. Her brain felt like it was doing the spin cycle.

_That…thing they feed you…in that bag…I suppose…it barely has…enough calories…to keep you alive…not to run marathons…I gotta get…food…and money, too…_

Several minutes later, she thought she had recovered enough to continue her way, and this time she decided to powerwalk toward her father’s business.

She was thankful that Hillwood wasn’t a huge city, otherwise it would have taken her an hour or two to reach the store, but after walking for ten minutes, she knew she had almost reached her limit. She turned the corner, expecting to see the beeper store, and—

The sign had long since been taken down, and a construction crew had gutted the building and was currently remodelling it into a convenience store, as she could tell from the new signs that lay on the parking lot that were still wrapped in plastic film and cardboard protectors.

Helga panicked again.

She glanced at the street signs again, hoping to be in the wrong place, but no, this was the intersection where Big Bob’s Beeper Emporium used to be. In fact, she saw in a nearby dumpster the remains of the emporium’s original sign.

Needing answers, she crossed the street, and as she got closer and closer, she saw the inside of the store, and how everything was now one large open space, without any shelves, counters, or even the dividing walls that made her father’s office.

She walked up to one of the workers who appeared to be in charge, and asked, “Excuse me, sir, but what happened to the previous…um…electronics store that used to be here?”

The worker glanced at her for a moment and replied, “The beeper store? Last I heard, the owner closed it, sold the property, and moved, not sure where, though.”

More panic.

_Bob and Miriam moved???!!! Did they leave her all alone in Hillwood???_

“Um…thanks…and…when will the new store be ready?” she quickly asked, feigning interest in the new construction. “And will it have those awesome slushies?”

“Eh, give it another month, kid.”

“Okay, thanks.”

With that, Helga walked away, apparently aimlessly, but after a block or three, she realised she was automatically walking toward her house, so she decided she might as well complete that task. Despite her lack of calories and her light-headedness, her panic-induced adrenalin rush made her dash to her house, and when she got there—

Her blood pooled to her feet when she saw that the blue three-story house was being demolished, and a “FOR SALE – SOLD” sign declared to the world that neither Bob nor Miriam Pataki were the current owners anymore.

The third story was already gone, and Helga could only imagine that every single belonging of hers—her books, her clothes, her bed, her closet, her shrine, even—was now under the pile of rubble which was being pulverised by the bulldozer and excavator that roared in front of her.

That is, _if_ Bob or Miriam never bothered to empty her room. From what she could see, with what remained of the house, the inside had been emptied of all furniture and appliances. And _if_ they emptied her room, then they very likely dumped every single belonging of hers in the garbage, never to be seen again.

_No Bob._

_No Miriam._

_Crimeny, no wonder Olga never bothered to ask for me!!! SHE probably gave them the idea to move, but thanks to them being idiot parents, they decided to leave me behind and let the government take care of a comatose kid!!! Well, I may be a homeless orphan, but I’ll be darned if I’m taken to an orphanage or a foster home, unless it’s the foster home I have in mind!!!_

Her adrenaline was practically working overtime as she ran toward Sunset Arms.

_I’ve got to find Arnold and Miles and Stella and Phil and Gertie. THEY will be able to help me. THEY will make sure I won’t go hungry. Arnold was kind enough to ask for me at the hospital, HE will most certainly be glad to see me up and running again—huh?_

Helga suddenly found herself standing next to an empty lot, a _very_ familiar empty lot.

_What? What the freak happened to Gerald Field? Did the guys get tired of playing baseball here?_

She remembered the lot, just after they cleared all the garbage from it, and right before they turned it into a baseball field. Time seemed to have frozen right between the two stages of the lot.

_Wait, if this is Gerald Field, that means I ran past Sunset Arms!!! Doi, I’m panicking so much I totally missed it!!! Okay, it’s right back here…_

The pink-clad girl doubled back and powerwalked toward Sunset Arms, but her panic didn’t cease; in fact, it increased when she saw herself at—

_The mall? When did it get so close to—? The…THE SCHOOL??? WHEN DID I GET HERE???!!!_

Indeed, she had walked past Sunset Arms, _again,_ gone past the mall, and she was now in front of P.S. 118, and given that it was closed and empty, the time was after 3:30.

_Okay, okay…I’m…not paying enough attention to my surroundings. Sunset Arms is between the mall and Gerald Field. I just have to…gasp…turn back…and…and…walk…_

Even adrenaline had its limits, especially in a calorie-starved body such as hers. She slowly walked away from the school and past the mall.

_Yes…Sunset Arms…is…three blocks…from…the…mall…only…a…little…bit…more…_

She stopped.

She saw the street signs again.

_Strange…this…this is…the place…where…where is…_

The green building on the right: _check._

The pink building on the left: _check._

And an empty lot in between, except for one sign.

It was another “FOR SALE – SOLD” sign, and this time it was in the middle of the lot.

_The EMPTY lot…_

Helga tentatively walked into it, around the place where she remembered where the stoop used to stand. Naturally, no pack of dogs and cats ran outside since there was no more door to be opened or closed.

She looked around.

There wasn’t even any rubble around, meaning that the lot had been sold, the building had been demolished, and the rubble had been cleared. A new construction was ready to begin, meaning that Arnold, Miles, Stella, Phil, Gertie, Abner, all those animals, and all the boarders left _way_ before Bob and Miriam did.

_She was all alone._

The girl could no longer hold her panic and screamed, sending flocks of birds all over the city flying away in fright.

Her body could no longer produce any more adrenaline, the dizziness finally overcame her, and she fainted dead away under the afternoon sun…

* * *

_Author’s note: For the layout of Hillwood, I’m basing the story on the map found at the Hey Arnold Wiki site._


	4. 0010 – BROOMSTICK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're not going to believe this.

Helga eventually woke up, of course. Her body was demanding food, and her rumbling stomach served as a good alarm clock. Before she opened her eyes, she made several wishes:

_Please let me be home, please let me be in my room, or Arnold’s room, please let me be back where everything is where it should be!!!_

She tried to open her eyes, but her left arm was covering them. She pulled it away and saw the bandage on her wrist, and looking around, saw that she was still in the empty lot where Sunset Arms used to be.

_Drat. I’m still in this…“bizarro universe” or something. Maybe I can go to Phoebe’s house and get her help, SHE will most likely be able to help me…somehow._

She had to stand up slowly and carefully, since a wave of dizziness almost knocked her out again.

_Whoa…I…need…to…get…some…food…DOI!!!_

After dusting herself down, she saw that she was also in that same pink jumper that was definitely not hers. She then was about to reach inside to pull out her locket, but suddenly remembered:

_Crimeny!!! Forgot I don’t have my locket…how am I supposed to reminisce and ponder and pour my heart out without it? Oh, it had BETTER be back at the hospital._

And without her locket or her poetry notebook, she felt even more lost, as well as confused at the fact that the Shortmans had simply disappeared.

_But why would Arnold just up and leave if he asked for me every day? Or did the nurse just tell me that to make me feel better? How many visits did he make before he ALSO gave up on me? He certainly gave up long before Bob and Miriam did!!!_

That last thought angered her, and the anger finished waking her up. The adrenaline began pumping again.

_WHY did he leave me???!!! WHY didn’t he even leave a freaking NOTE saying where he went, or some freaking CONTACT INFORMATION???!!!_

Wait, was he _able_ to do that?

_Or…was Arnold whisked away without the chance to leave a note? But even if he were, why didn’t he leave anything after such a long time?_

She then looked around, pondering on how everything seemed like a dream. She then recalled the dream she had when she knocked herself out on that wood utility pole after she ditched Arnold’s magic show. She _knew_ she was dreaming then, but even so, she couldn’t make herself fly. In that dream she was invisible and inaudible and impalpable to everyone; a world where she simply disappeared, and her likeness had been transformed into that of an ogre.

“If you’re out three times, you’re The Helga,” she remembered that stupid game.

Everyone who knew her had moved on, even Phoebe and Bob and Miriam! And Arnold had somehow managed to land—ugh—Ruth McDougal, as a girlfriend—a _fiancée, even!!!_ Now _that_ was a sign that it was certainly a dream; after all, what civilised country would ever allow a nine-year-old and a twelve-year-old to get legally married?

Whatever experience that had been, however, this was certainly nothing like it. She had already fallen asleep here _and_ woken up in the same place, not to mention that she still had that odd pink jumper with a high neckline and that bandage was still on her wrist.

She looked at it and wondered if she still needed it.

Carefully, she pulled back the adhesive strands, wincing slightly as the fuzz on her wrist was pulled away with them. Once the bandage was halfway off, she saw that the hole where the needle had been in had already clotted and was no longer bleeding. Sighing with relief, she pulled the rest of the bandage off and let it fall to the ground of the empty lot.

She looked around again and realised that the basement had been filled in; whoever bought this property would not be needing one, apparently. Walking around, she remembered where every part of Sunset Arms’ interior used to be: the front door, the living room, the kitchen, the stairs, and she even walked to where she knew Arnold’s room had been: three stories above her, now nothing but empty air. She looked at the ground again, almost ready to cry at his disappearance and her tragic fate, when she noticed something that had only been partially covered by rubble and dirt.

It was the remains of a sign:

NO KIDS

PETS OK

It was the last piece of evidence that proved that this was where Sunset Arms used to be.

She never understood the meaning of that sign; after all, why did it say that no kids were allowed when Arnold had lived there almost all his life? Or was it aimed only at the boarders? No, wait, then why did they allow _Rhondalloyd_ here when her family went broke? Or did they let her in because it was an emergency?

Walking some more, she saw the remains of the back yard. There was still some grass remaining, but it was gradually turning brown and filling with weeds now that there was no one left to tend to it. Even the greenhouse was gone, the same one where Arnold and she had almost drowned, “in our own little Walden,” he called it with his trademark optimism. Not even that remained to give her any hope.

Walking some more, she saw some wood planks on the ground— _the sauna!!!_

Or, what remained of it. Phil had built it on the sly, apparently, because she didn’t know about it until recently, and when she did, _oh the fantasies that she had about it!!!_

She blushed for a moment, embarrassed at her own impulses, but she knew that if she had told Arnold back then about her plans, he would have jumped in at that moment, no questions asked.

_Okay, enough fantasising. Gotta get Phoebe’s help now._

She slowly walked out of the lot and turned to head for her best friend’s house when—

“OOF!!!”

—she bumped into someone and both fell on the sidewalk quite hard, on their buttocks, too.

Helga almost fainted dead away again just from the force of the blow, given that the other person had been running, judging from the speed of the impact and the sound of the footfalls she heard just before. Opening her eyes, she hoped against hope that she had bumped into Arnold yet again, as they had done so many times before—

“Oh, it’s you, Stinky,” she said deadpan.

_Yet another disappointment in this “bizarro universe” she was in._

“But what’s got _you_ all worked up?” she asked, noticing that the tall boy was sweating and panting, even more than what she had been before she arrived.

As the two stood again, with—oddly—the boy helping her up, he replied between gasps, “Ah’ve…Ah’ve…been lookin’…awl over f’r yew…they call’d meh…from th’ hospital…they toll’ meh…yew woke up…Ah dashed over thar’…but…yew…had disappeared…” He had to stop to catch his breath.

Helga stood back at that piece of information. “Say what? The hospital called _you?_ Why on earth would they call _you_ , of all people? And did you just run a marathon or something? What’s with—OOF!!!”

The girl was suddenly in a bone-crushing hug, courtesy of the tall country boy.

“Stinky…what…?”

His next statement brought even _more_ panic to the girl.

_“Helga, mah luv, Ah thought Ah lost yew!!! But Ah found yew, at last!!! At long last, yew finally woke up, ‘n we’re together again!!!”_

**_“LOVE”???_**

****

**_“TOGETHER AGAIN”???_ **

****

**_STINKY WAS HER BOYFRIEND???!!!_ **


	5. 0011 – NOT EVEN CLOSE TO PARALLEL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More unpleasant surprises.

The tall spiked-hair country boy showed no signs of releasing the blonde girl from his unusually strong hug.

“Helga, mah luv, Ah call’d th’ hospital ev’ry day, visitin’ when Ah could, hopin’ yew would wake up when Ah was thar’. Ah was so happy when they toll’ meh yew did, but Ah got so scared when they toll’ meh yew had up n’ disappeared! Ah even played hooky n’ ran off t’ look f’r yew!!!”

With great effort, she pushed his shoulders away from her so she could look at his face, but he wouldn’t release her. “Wait, are you kidding me? You ditched school in order to look for me?”

“Yup,” he smiled.

Helga shook her head. “I don’t believe this. Stinky, YOU were the one from school who asked about me?”

“Why, yup! Why does that seem so strange t’ yew? Ah _am_ yewr boyfriend, yew know.”

She eyed him with total disbelief, panic, and anger, squirming to pull out of his grasp.

_Now when did THAT happen?_

“N’ why are yew callin’ meh ‘Stinky’ again?”

With a hefty shove, she broke the embrace, and both staggered apart slightly.

Anger and confusion saturated Helga’s next question, “What do you mean ‘again’? Isn’t that your name?”

“Well, it’s a nickname, don’t yew remember? Or do yew still have a bit o’ amnesia? Yew cain’t remember all th’ nicknames yew had f’r me?”

“Nicknames?” she pondered, calming slightly, and then she counted off on her fingers. “You mean I called you other stuff besides ‘Stinko’, ‘moron’, ‘dope’, ‘yutz’, ‘paste-for-brains’—”

“Yup, yup,” he interrupted. “N’ yew also called meh ‘Steven’.”

Helga blinked, holding still on the finger count.

And she blinked again.

“I called you ‘Steven’?”

“Yup.”

She glared at him and put her hands down. “Maybe it’s the amnesia talking, but why on _earth_ would I call you ‘Steven’?”

“‘Cuz that’s mah firs’ name,” he answered plainly.

She rubbed her temples, feeling her migraine threatening to return. “Your first name…is ‘Steven’…” she repeated.

“Yup. N’ t’ refresh yewr mem’ry, Ah’ll say it again: mah full name is Stenka ‘Stinky’ Peterson Stinkovyich—”

“Huh?” She did a double take. “Your name is Russian? Where does the ‘Steven’ come in?”

“It’s ‘n Russian form, luv,” he continued, ignoring her interruption as if he were used to that by now. “Ah suppose yew still cain’t remember that part yet.”

“No, I can’t,” she huffed, placing her wrists on her hips. “Please, refresh my memory.”

He straightened up, took a deep breath, and explained, “Mah ancestors moved from Germany t’ Russia, ‘n th’ Volga region. They adopted th’ Russian name, n’ after a century, they came t’ Arkansaw, took th’ ‘Peterson’ name, then mah Grandpa moved t’ Wisconsin.”

“So…your first name is ‘Stenka’?” Her confusion increased despite his explanation; one answer generated a hundred questions, it seemed. “Why haven’t you used _that_ name as your ‘real’ first name? Or why didn’t you use that when you did that advertising stint for Yahoo Soda?”

“Wut advertisin’ stint?” asked the boy, now getting confused himself. “Ah’ve never done anythin’ like that.”

_Huh? He didn’t do that advertising campaign?_

“But as Ah was sayin’, Helga, ‘Stinky’ is a family nickname. After we became a couple, yew called meh by th’ English form o’ ‘Stenka’.”

She looked at him again. “And that is…?”

“‘Steven’,” he finished, apparently proud of his own explanation. “Gosh, yew sound like yew had never heard that befor’.”

She waved her arms in frustration, “Maybe it’s because you never told that to ANY of us, doi!!!”

He stood back at her outburst. “Wut are yew talkin’ about? Ah’ve told that t’ others…well, Ah only tell that t’ _special_ people,” he winked at her, making her cringe. “Or th’ teachers n’ th’ principal. N’ Ah told yew, but Ah guess yew’re still havin’ trouble rememberin’. Yew also called meh—”

“Look, ‘Steven’,” she shook her head, waving him off. “I’m not sure what’s going on right now. The thing is that I’m not remembering things…or…um…I’m remembering the _wrong_ things of the _wrong_ places. Everything I know has been turned upside-down and…” she sighed, drooping her arms and shoulders. “And I need help. Where are the others?”

“Well, school’s out, so they should be at th’ baseball field. Let’s go.”

He held her left hand without warning, and she was about to yank it away, but she simply had no more strength to fight this “bizarro universe” anymore.

She did wince when her stomach rumbled very audibly again. “Ow…I hope they all have something left of their lunches. I…kinda need to eat something,” she blushed.

“Don’t yew worry, hun, Ah’ll make sure yew git some grub.”

_Crimeny, how on earth did I end up…TOLERATING his accent?_

As they walked away from the empty lot, she couldn’t help but notice something.

“Say, ‘Stenka’, why did everyone leave Gerald Field? No one wanted to go anywhere near what’s left of Sunset Arms anymore?”

It was his turn to blink at her. “Huh? Wut do yew mean ‘Gerald Field’? Gerald never had any field—or anythin’, really—named after him. We all juss’ play ‘n th’ baseball field that’s over this way.”

_What? Gerald Field never existed? What’s going on???_

She rubbed her eyes at the never-ending confusion. “Okay…never mind, then…”

As they walked, she also couldn’t help but wonder a few other things.

“So…um…‘Steven’…help me remember. How, where, and when did we become a couple? I mean…last I recall, you had the hots for Gloria…or Lila.” And _that_ she could remember quite well.

Another double take, this time on his part. “Wut? No, yew’re mixin’ things up. Gloria is with Gerald. And Lila likes-likes Arnie. N’ as f’r us, yew gave meh a chance with a Mr. Nutty candy bar each day.”

The girl stopped in her tracks.

_WHAT??? But that was WAY back at the beginning of the school year, right after Ms. Slovak left!!! I…never stopped buying him candy bars? And how did Gerald end up with Gloria? What happened to Phoebe?_

“Yup!!!” he continued, smiling wide as he remembered and explained. “Yew gave meh a Mr. Nutty candy bar ev’ry day, n’ after a week or two, we got t’ know each other better, n’ yew gave meh a chance. Yew stopped buyin’ meh candy bars after that…or yew juss’ bought us some once a month, but we really hit it off.”

_Is he freaking kidding me? We got together…because of CANDY BARS???!!!_

She shook her head. It was simply too much.

“N’ shortly after that, yew learned how t’ make that delicious lemon puddin’ that Ah love!”

She looked at him again. “I know how to make lemon pudding?”

_What, am I a chef in this “bizarro universe”?_

“Yup! The best of them all!”

_Wow, so it’s true, then. The way to a man’s heart IS his stomach!!! Hmm…I wonder what I can prepare for Arnold…_

“And what about Gerald?” she abruptly asked, suddenly remembering the other couples. “How did he end up with Gloria? I thought he had a thing for Phoebe.”

Stinky’s smile suddenly turned into a frown at the sound of that name. “Nope. Phoebe has another boyfriend. Name’s Antonio. He’s a sixth grader, too.” Even his voice took a dark pitch.

The “bizarro universe” had no end, it seemed. She whirled toward him. “WHAT??? How on earth did she land herself a _sixth grader_???”

He sighed, and explained with resignation and a bit of hesitance, but with plenty of patience, since he knew she had amnesia recently, “After she became hall monitor, she turned into a bully, an _intellectual_ bully at that, too.” He was obviously making an effort to tell her story as if he didn’t want anything to do with the Asian-American girl. “She was _much_ worse than a physical one. She became smarter n’ smarter, n’ she went after bribes n’ blackmail. Ev’ryone paid her with favours or money. It was really creepy; she seemed t’ have eyes n’ ears ev’rywhere. She paid bigger bullies t’ be her bodyguards, so no one could touch her. She has dirt on ev’ry single student at th’ school, exc’pt yew, Ah think, because yew two were somewhat close friends ‘till th’ accident. After yew were hospitalised, she seemed t’ forget yew.”

“That…would explain why she never visited,” she pondered.

“Yup. We…don’t like talkin’ ‘bout her, neither.” He looked down, filled with sadness at the memory of having lost a good friend.

_Oh, great. The ONE smartest person I know who MIGHT help me get home is now Public Enemy Number One and WON’T help me unless I cough up some cash, crimeny!!! Also, I know a bully when I see one—or when I hear about one, in her case. I’d best keep a low profile and be careful who I share my information with. After three months with no contact, and with every one of my possessions gone, even she would know I don’t have anything I could bribe her with!!!_

“Gerald says that her final turnin’ point was when durin’ her Hall Monitor days, a first grader broke her glasses. Somethin’ changed with her, n’ she became th’ worst bully th’ school has ever known. That’s when he lost interest ‘n her n’ decided to date Gloria.” Then, Stinky’s face brightened slightly. “Th’ good news is that despite ev’rythin’ she’s done, she’ll be gone by next year.”

Helga did another double take. “Why will she be gone?”

“She’s so smart, she got t’ skip fourth n’ fifth grade. She’s finishin’ up sixth grade as we speak.”

Her eyes widened. “Really?”

“Yup.”

_Wow…she never did change her mind here…and she must have also become a bully herself in order to avoid being bullied by all those sixth graders!!!_

“Her boyfriend will leave with her, but no one’s sure if he’s with her ‘cuz he wants to, or if she’s blackmailin’ him into bein’ her boyfriend—”

“Okay, enough about Phoebe,” she quickly said, waving off that subject, almost afraid her former best friend might be listening to them. “Are Rhonda and Lorenzo still around?”

Stinky looked at her with a raised eyebrow. “Rhonda…?”

“Yes!” she huffed with frustration. “Rhonda Wellington Lloyd? Also known as Princess, or Rhondalloyd?”

“Oh! Yew mean th’ Wellingtons? Ah guess yew cain’t remember that well, ‘cuz, th’ Wellingtons? They’re rich, Helga. Why would they send their kid t’ a public school? But now that yew mention it,” he pondered. “Rhonda did come t’ th’ school f’r a week or two, but that was it, n’ she went back to private school. Who was th’ other guy yew said?”

“Lorenzo. Don’t remember his last name. Hispanic kid, brown hair?”

“Gosh, Ah hope Ah don’t have amnesia too, ‘cuz Ah don’t remember any kid like that.”

_Odd, no Lorenzo. But if Rhonda was hardly ever here, then…?_

“Is Curly still around?”

“Curly?” Before Helga could describe him, Stinky quickly explained, “Oh, yew mean ‘Thaddeus’. Naw, he ain’t with us n’more. Last Ah heard, he was sent t’ Juvenile Hall, n’ then t’ a funny farm ‘cuz that boy was juss’ plain crazy. Not sure when or if he’ll ever git out, though there are rumours that say Phoebe sent him thar ‘cuz he tried t’ git fresh with her.”

She almost paled at that. “Huh. Gotta be careful if I ever see Phoebe, then.”

_Can’t say I feel sorry for Curly, but he did have it coming to him. I wonder about the rest, though…_

“Is Sid still a germophobe?”

“A wut?”

“Um…is he still afraid of germs?”

“Oh. Yup, he is.”

“Is Harold still Jewish?”

“Yup.”

“Does Sheena still dance?”

“Yup.”

“Brainy still has asthma?”

“Who?”

Helga winced and rubbed her head. _Her frustration had seemingly no end._ “Crimeny. Boy with glasses? Hardly ever talks? Kind of a stalker to girls he likes?”

“Oh, yew mean Brian. Yup, he has asthma.”

_Some things never change, though I wonder if he still stalks me…_

“Is Eugene still a klutz?”

“Yup. Didn’t yew see him at th’ hospital?”

“Huh. Enough said. Okay, but…um…” She turned away slightly, knowing that he might get upset at the next question. “What about Arnold? Where is he? Did he go back to San Lorenzo?”

Stinky did a double take at her. “Go back t’ where now?”

Her right fist paled. “San Lorenzo, you know, where his parents were for several years.”

He looked at her, deep in thought, and asked, “Is that in South America?”

“No, doi, it’s in _Central_ America.” Her frustration was now reaching infinite proportions.

He thought some more, and then shook his head. “Cain’t say Ah’ve ever heard o’ that country, sorry.”

More head and face rubbing.

_Crimeny, Paste-for-brains here probably flunked geography…_

Her thoughts were interrupted by another explanation. “All Ah know is that Arnold’s parents travel a bit, so sometimes he has t’ stay with his grandparents. He lives with his relatives ‘n th’ country now, though.

She blinked. “Relatives?”

“Yup. After yewr accident, Arnold turned into a mighty weird kid. He says he has a lint collection n’ likes readin’ product labels. He even blinks out o’ sync, too—”

She panicked internally once more.

_WHAT??? Arnold turned into his cousin Arnie??? Or…has…Arnold ALWAYS BEEN Arnie in this “bizarro universe”? Well, at least he still exists—_

“—but despite all that, he managed t’ git a girlfriend.”

Her panic skyrocketed and her heart shattered into a million pieces.

_…Arnold…Arnold has…has…a…a gir—a girl—?_

Sure, for some reason, she and Stinky became a couple, but she still had her sights on the boy she had loved since she was three. And now, in this “bizarro universe”, since she never sought Arnold after she got together with Stinky, the blonde boy was free to pursue any other girl of his choosing, and apparently, whoever he chose had chosen him as well.

_There would be no sleepovers here for her, at least not in his room._

After her heart shattered, she sagged with defeat and exhaustion, almost losing her hunger, especially with the sudden lump in her throat. All she wanted to do now was lie down and sleep, either to wake up back in her world, or to just simply _die._ She would have wept, too, but she knew that if she did, Stinky would stop and ask her what was wrong, and then a whole new argument would begin, and she simply didn’t have the strength for that anymore.

They kept walking, with her in defeated silence, and after walking several more blocks, with Helga’s feet killing her and the girl almost fainting from starvation, dizziness, defeat, and heartbreak, they finally arrived at a baseball field which was adjacent to a park.

Looking up, she finally saw her friends.

Or, the kids who _looked_ like her friends.

They all wore similar clothes from what she could remember, and they all seemed shorter, too, confirming that everyone was back in fourth grade.

_Wait, if we’re REALLY in fourth grade again, that means Miles and Stella are still in San Lorenzo…_

She would ponder on that later as she first needed to make a mental roll call. There was Gerald, Sid, Nadine, Brainy, Harold, Patty, and Sheena, but for some odd reason, the bullies were there too: Wolfgang, Torvald, and Ludwig. And what was even more odd here was the fact that the fifth graders seemed…relaxed, and…friendly, too? They weren’t eyeing anyone with malice or hate, nor were they insulting anyone or causing havoc among her friends.

There was no Rhonda, Lorenzo, Curly, or Lila, oddly enough, and, of course, there was no Arnold, much to her dismay, but at least his girlfriend wasn’t here either, whoever she might be.

Another thing she noticed was that Nadine was off to one side of the field, looking at insects, but without Rhonda around, she seemed reserved and quiet.

And then she saw _Gloria._

Gloria was wearing a pink jumper that reached just below her knees, with a low neckline, no sleeves, a red band just below the waist, and she had a white shirt under it.

_It was HER jumper!!!_

_Okay, “Bizarro Universe”, so you had Gloria and me switch clothes? What next? Are you going to make her my long, lost sister, or something? Are you going to make ARNOLD my long, lost brother? Are—_

“Hey, gang!!! Look who finally woke up n’ left th’ hospital today!!!”

Stinky’s announcement startled Helga and stopped her from glaring at Gloria, and it seemed to wake up Nadine from her introvertedness as she turned and smiled at her. The others, too, suddenly stopped the game and ran to greet them.

“Helga!!!”

“You’re awake!!!”

“You’re all right!!!”

“Stinky, did you actually play hooky today?”

“How’s your head?”

“Do your parents know?”

“Do you remember us?”

“Do you remember your boyfriend?”

“Stinky, I think Mr. Simmons is going to want to talk to you on Monday, if Wartz doesn’t chew you out first—”

“I have your homework ready for you.”

“Did you dream when you were in the coma?”

What surprised Helga most of all was that every single one of them, boys included—yes, even the bullies—greeted her with hefty hugs, as if their best friend had returned from an extremely long trip. Brainy, however, seemed rather subdued from what she expected; he only patted her shoulder and smiled at her, but didn’t bother to do more.

_Did he get a girlfriend too?_

Their simultaneous questions, however, were bringing back her migraine—

“STOP!!!”

Everyone hushed at Stinky’s defensive shout, and he stood defensively in front of his “girlfriend”, raising his arms as well. “Look, Ah’ll deal with Simmons n’ Wartz n’ mah parents on mah own time!!! And Ah know ev’ryone here wants t’ talk t’ Helga, but please stop! She hasn’t eaten or drunk anythin’ ‘normally’ f’r th’ past three months…does anyone have any food or water or soda?”

Helga blinked and her jaw almost dropped.

_Wow, he really IS my boyfriend!!!_

Not that her heart fluttered at his defensive action. The only thing that fluttered was her stomach, which was threatening to make her collapse.

The others dashed to their school bags and managed to find leftover food, but what surprised Helga most was that Ludwig ran to a nearby convenience store and bought her a sandwich and a soda.

_Since when did he become a nice person—? Oh, oh, yes, food, GLORIOUS FOOD!!!_

Stinky sat her down on a bench where she proceeded to wolf down everything that was offered, not caring about table manners or even being ladylike.

_She was starving._

The others stepped back, aghast at how desperately she ate and drank, almost as if this were the last meal she would have on this planet. No one bothered to ask her anything or even say anything; they all stared at her the way they would stare at a road accident.

Not that Helga noticed; as far as she was concerned, all the protein and sugar and liquids lifted a fog in her head she didn’t know she had, and she felt her strength returning, too, especially in her legs and feet, and her dizziness melted away.

_Her heartbreak remained, unfortunately._

She then looked at Gloria for a moment, as she stood to her right, and simply told her, “Nice outfit.”

“Thanks! Yours too!” was her happy reply.

_Huh. Guess I’m the only one who noticed something strange here…_

She finished her impromptu meal, and for a moment, she even considered playing baseball with them here and now, but there were more pressing things at hand.

“Okay, guys,” she began after swallowing a mouthful of junk food, trying to push down the lump in her throat and ignore the hole in her heart. “Here’s the rundown to your questions: Yes, I am awake. No, I didn’t dream anything, or nothing that I can remember. Yes, I remember you. My head is fine, thank you. I’m all right…and…I’m kinda not.” She looked at the ground as the depression and heartbreak slowly took over. “I’m kinda having trouble remembering things because everything is vastly different from what I _know_ they were before. And in case you haven’t heard, yes, my parents gave up on me and dumped me on the government, so I’m now a ward of the state.”

A few of them gasped at the confirmation of the rumours that had been floating around the school, and they all noticed the downturn in her disposition.

“No, I’m not going to any orphanage or foster home. Not yet, anyway,” she said with sudden determination, lifting her mood slightly. “Yes, I heard about Phoebe—too bad she won’t be able to help me, I was really hoping she would—so the only other person who can help me now is Arnold. Now, I need to know: does anyone know where he is and why Sunset Arms is gone?”

Gerald stepped up with more Yahoo soda, which she took and began downing in one swig, “Well, two weeks after your accident, his parents sold Sunset Arms and they all went to live with their relatives in the country.”

“See wut Ah mean?”

Something didn’t add up. She swallowed her soda—almost doing a spit take—wiped her mouth, and asked, “Wait, his _parents_? Not his GRANDparents?” She didn’t know how much more craziness she would be able to take from “this” universe. “They’ve already been found? Or…did his parents never go to San Lorenzo, or did they _come back_ from San Lorenzo already?” She hoped that one of those options would give her something solid to stand on in this topsy-turvy world.

Everyone looked at each other.

Finally, Nadine asked, “From where?”

Helga took another swig of soda and repeated slowly and with skyrocketing annoyance, “San…Lorenzo…”

“Is that a city?”

“A river?”

“A lake?”

“A sea?”

“A province?”

Wolfgang pondered, “The only ‘San Lorenzo’ I know has its name in English, ‘Saint Lawrence’, and it’s a river between Canada and the U.S.—”

“Oh, CRIMENY!!!” She suddenly stood and waved her hands, throwing crumbs and wrappers and empty soda cans all around, making everyone step back in fright. “Did everyone forget about that here too? Do I have to show it to you on a map??? It’s all Arnold talked about!!! What’s with you people???!!!”

Wolfgang calmly stepped up to her, “Hey, calm down, Helga. Arnold may have mentioned that to you, but I don’t think he ever told anyone else. If you want, we can go to the library right now and see exactly where this ‘San Lorenzo’ is, and maybe then we’ll all remember.”

“That—!!!” Helga glared at the “bully” in front of her and calmed down after a few moments. “—that…actually sounds like a good idea. But refresh my memory first. Weren’t you…and you two as well…” she gestured at Ludwig and Torvald. “Weren’t you all…bullies? You seem…unusually nice, at least from what I can remember.”

“We were,” confirmed Torvald. “It was fun for a while, but then Phoebe decided to become a bully, too.”

“What?” She stood back at that. “What does Phoebe being a bully have to do with you not being bullies?”

Ludwig explained, “She became a much worse bully than we were. She even bullied _us_ , and we had no way to fight back against her, not with all the knowledge she has. She was worse than all of us combined.”

Wolfgang continued, “So after some deep consideration, we decided that if we couldn’t stop her, we’d at least not give her any more dirt that she could use against us, and we stopped being bullies. It helped the other students too because they didn’t have to worry about us in addition to Phoebe, and it even brought our grades up, too. And here we are, former bullies, all normal, and part of your friends, too.” He gestured at themselves and the gang, rather proud of himself.

Helga’s jaw almost fell to the ground again.

She would have fainted if it hadn’t been for her impromptu lunch rushing blood and nutrients to her brain.


	6. 0100 – A MONSTER AWAKENS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter here. Consider it a "cut scene" if this were an actual animated episode.

Two angry fists slammed on the desk, almost knocking over the “Dr. Jones” name plate between them.

“Why wasn’t I told that my sister was in a coma? WHY WASN’T I TOLD THAT SHE WAS NOW A WARD OF THE STATE??? WHY WASN’T I TOLD THAT SHE HAD BEEN IN AN ACCIDENT UNTIL TODAY???!!!”

It wasn’t often when Olga Pataki was livid. Given that she was the one who slammed her fists on the desk, this was one of those times.

Dr. Jones was hardly fazed, however, as this had not been the first time a patient’s relative had a meltdown in his office. “Well, first of all, your parents never bothered to mention you, nor did they acknowledge your existence at any point during the ordeal. I will assume that they were under a lot of stress, or they decided that three months ago you were either too busy or in a stressful situation of your own and would not be able to help anyway. Or they were simply complete idiots and it just slipped their minds.”

She leaned back on her chair and rubbed her forehead. “Oh, I don’t believe this…”

“I don’t believe it either,” he continued as if he were talking about sports. “We ourselves never knew you existed until today when Child Protective Services got an anonymous tip that you were another living relative of Helga’s. Gotta hand it to those slow bureaucrats; they won’t do their work unless someone pokes them with a cattle prod. Now, I can give you the number of her social worker, but it’s doubtful she’ll answer you right now. She just left to look for your sister.”

Olga stopped rubbing her forehead and glared at him. “What do you mean ‘look’? Isn’t she here?”

The doctor leaned back and placed his hands on the armrests. “As difficult as it might seem to you, your sister sneaked out of the children’s ward and ran away from the hospital to parts unknown, or at least she _thinks_ we don’t know where she went—”

“RAN AWAY???!!!” She jumped to her feet, knocking her chair down. “You dummies!!! You don’t know how lucky you are that I happen to be in town today!!! I _would_ give you an earful, but I’m saving that for my parents and what they did for dumping her on the government!!!”

He simply looked at some documents and pictures in front of him and pushed them toward the livid woman in the charcoal business suit. “I’m sure they will be happy to see you again. In the meantime, here’s some security footage.”

Olga looked at the pictures and saw that they were printouts from security camera recordings, and they all showed Helga in the hospital lobby, and then walking away down the street.

“Your sister left the hospital, apparently headed either for your father’s store or her house. Though if she did, she’s very likely in for a _very_ nasty shock.”

“Well,” she huffed. “I suppose one lead is better than none. But don’t even _think_ that you and your hospital are blameless in all this. And believe me, you’re going to hear from my lawyer.” She grabbed her purse and walked off, making sure to slam his office door.

“Bring him on,” said the doctor, still with total indifference.

_With your little sister refusing to acknowledge your existence, relegating you to a “nanny” in her moments of abandonment instead of running to your “loving” arms, despite you being her only remaining family, I’m sure Child Protective Services will ALSO like to have a word or two with you BESIDES your parents…_

* * *

Olga was in the parking lot, about to enter her red sedan, when her cell phone rang. She pulled it out of her purse—the device was as large as a brick, though not as heavy—and looked at the number. She didn’t recognize it, and it had no name, but curiosity got the best of her. Maybe it was Helga’s social worker? She answered—

“Olga Pataki?” asked a somewhat high-pitched voice, obviously female.

“Who is this?”

“You are looking for your sister, Helga Geraldine Pataki, right?”

Olga stood completely still.

“Y-yes, how did you know that? Who is this?”

“I’m a friend of hers. I’m looking for her, too, and I think I know where she is.”

“You do? Where is she? What is your name???” Olga asked desperately.

“Not over the phone. I don’t trust these ‘cellular phones’, but I’ll give you the information you need. Meet me at Helga’s school, P.S. 118, and we’ll talk there.”

The woman looked incredulously at the phone in her hand and growled, “Yeah, right. Who do you take me for? It’s past 3:30, so the school is closed now! Now, who the hell are you?”

The caller remained calm, ignoring the “mistake” that was made. “Ah, I see you’re intelligent. I like that in people. Very well, let’s meet at the baseball field of Lake Park. If we hurry and if we’re lucky, she just _might_ still be there.”

Then, the dial tone.

Olga looked at her phone and set it back to Stand-By.

She knew her parents had moved, but she had assumed that they took Helga with them. She had been quite busy at the time with her teacher job in Fairbanks, Alaska, but she had been dying to speak to them and her sister about the excitement of moving to a new place. She had travelled back to Hillwood to meet with old friends and get some school and legal documents, not expecting to find neither Helga nor her parents here. Now, however, after CPS told her about the accident and what her parents did to Helga, she knew that she would have to step in and take care of matters herself. Right now, Helga was an orphan out on the streets, with no money or food or clothes, and she was the only one who could help her.

Eventually, she would talk to Bob and Miriam.

_Boy, were they going to hear from her._

She stepped into her car and drove off, not toward the former Beeper Emporium or her old house, but to Lake Park.


	7. 0101 – THE MAN FROM ANDORRA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unpleasant discoveries and wild theories.

Nadine gave Helga a paper torn from her notebook that had all their phone numbers hastily written down, including those of the former bullies. She vaguely remembered one or two, but then again, she hardly called her friends by phone back in “her” world, not to mention that whatever numbers they did give her before were in the memory of her cell phone, so she never bothered memorising them anyway. She stuffed the sheet in her pocket.

_I wonder if Bob ever gave me a cell phone here, or if he threw mine away, or worse, recycled it and sold it to someone else…_

Once she had finished eating all their leftover food, in addition to what they bought for her, she felt much better, despite the shocking news of Stinky being her boyfriend, Arnold having an unknown girlfriend, the Shortmans having sold Sunset Arms and moving to parts unknown, Gloria wearing her clothes, and that the bullies she knew before were now no longer so.

_They were actually nice boys._

_With nice smiles._

She knew Harold was with Patty, but she wondered if Wolfgang, Ludwig, and Torvald had managed to get girlfriends of their own, now that they were actually _likeable and helpful people._

So helpful, in fact, that the four of them, along with Stinky, had taken their school bags and gone with her to the library to do some research on San Lorenzo, while the rest of the gang went home, including Brainy.

_He never had his eye on me here?_

Now, Helga and the boys were standing at the reference section of the library, with a very large atlas on a table in front of them that was opened to a map of Central America.

_Mexico on top, check._

_Guatemala taking a big chunk, check._

_Belize on the right, check…_

…and that was it.

“This ‘San Lorenzo’ country doesn’t exist,” whispered Harold. “Are you sure that was its name?”

“What the freak is going on here?” Helga hissed angrily, as quietly as she could. “It was right here!!!” She pounded on the map with her index finger. “How can there be two countries here instead of three? San Lorenzo was wedged here, right between Guatemala and Belize!!! The whole class took a trip there!!!”

The boys looked at each other with confusion, and Stinky said, “Uh…Helga, darlin’, Ah know yew hit yewr head real hard, but none o’ th’ class has ev’r taken any trip anywhere, much less t’ Central America.”

“Seriously?” she whirled toward him. “You have never heard of the Green-Eyed People? El Corazón? La Sombra?”

Wolfgang cautiously asked, “Are…are you sure you didn’t dream any of that?”

“Yeah, Arnold’s parents couldn’t have travelled to a country that doesn’t exist,” added Ludwig. “And with you remembering the ‘wrong’ things and the ‘wrong’ places and the ‘wrong’ events, maybe you need to go back to the hospital and have them check your head.”

“No, you yutzes!!!” She waved angry arms at them. “I _know_ we were there!!! Crimeny, I would show you the plane tickets if my house still existed!!! Or…I eventually _will_ get them—”

She suddenly realised that the class trip didn’t take place until much later, and she facepalmed accordingly.

“Oh, wait, we’re all still in fourth grade, except you guys, so the trip hasn’t happened yet…but…but…I mean—crimeny!!! What _else_ is wrong with this ‘bizarro universe’, anyway???” She huffed, slapping her arms at her sides.

At the sound of “bizarro universe”, Torvald froze.

He slowly turned to Wolfgang, raised and pointed his finger at him, and whispered, “The Man from Andorra!”

“What?!” the girl blinked at him.

Wolfgang did a double take. “You don’t think that could actually be happening _here_ , could it?”

Helga shook her head at the constant nonsense she was being bombarded with. “Who is this ‘man from Ann…Dora’? What are you talking about?”

Torvald sighed, turned, half-sat on the table, and asked, “Well, first, have you ever heard of ‘parallel universes’?”

She thought for a moment, and replied, “I…I think I’ve heard of them in cartoons or sci-fi movies, and yes, I really think I’m in a ‘parallel universe’, with everything that’s been happening with me, and how I suddenly woke up in a completely different place from where I fell asleep.”

The older boy continued, “Well, it’s possible that you might be the second ‘documented’ case of someone visiting from a parallel universe. I use the word ‘documented’ lightly because what little is known from the first case is now very much an urban legend.

“In 1954, a man arrived at Tokyo International Airport, in a flight from Europe. He went to the immigration booth to have his passport stamped, but that’s when things got weird. None of the Japanese officers recognised the name of the country on his passport, ‘Andorra’. And even though he had a driver’s license and money from there, too, the officers became suspicious. When they questioned him about where he really was from, he became upset, because he said that this was his fourth visit to Japan and no one had ever batted an eye as to where he came from. The officers didn’t believe him because none of them had heard of this ‘Andorra’ place, nor had they ever seen him before. That upset the traveller even more, and he said that ‘Andorra’ was a principality between France and Spain and that it had existed for some 800 years—basically a holdover from medieval times when castles and princes were a thing, you know. He even asked for a map so he could show them where it was, but when they gave him the map, he saw this:”

He flipped the pages of the atlas to the Europe section and turned to the Spain and France map.

Between the two countries, there was a tiny enclave named “Taured”.

“He became even _more_ upset when he saw that there was a place called ‘Taured’ where his ‘Andorra’ was supposed to be, and he asked the officers if that was the Japanese word for ‘Andorra’, and he even asked if someone was playing a practical joke on him and demanded to see a ‘real’ map or atlas. Since the officers didn’t believe him, despite his protests, they assumed he was an international spy, so they decided to arrest him and place him in a hotel room, with armed guards at the door, and they confiscated all his luggage and belongings while they investigated where he really was from. Now, keep in mind that there were guards at the door of his hotel room, and there was no way out. The following day, the officers returned to question him a bit more, but when they opened the door of his room, they saw that the man had disappeared. There were no signs of forced entry, and all the windows were intact. And when they went back to the airport, all the evidence had disappeared, too: the money, the passport, the driver’s licence, his luggage, everything.”

Ludwig stepped in, “Since it happened quite some time ago, and there was little documentation of the incident, many have chalked it up as an urban legend, or even fiction. Still, what I find odd about that story is that even _if_ the guy had been from a parallel universe, why wasn’t he replaced with his original universe’s counterpart when he disappeared?”

“Maybe his counterpart was nowhere near Japan?” asked Wolfgang. “Parallel doesn’t mean ‘exact copy’, you know.”

“Or maybe there was a _third_ universe involved and the three got ‘shuffled’, somehow?” suggested Ludwig.

Wolfgang thought about that for a moment, turned to the girl, and pointed at the enclave, “Helga, do you remember what country exists there, in…well…‘your’ universe?”

The blonde girl stared at the tiny European country, “Taured”, and after a minute, she rubbed her head. “This is when I wish I had paid more attention to the Europe chapter in History Class. No, I don’t know what country is there in my world. Crimeny, I didn’t even know there _was_ a country between France and Spain until now! But—” She turned to Torvald. “This guy, he just…disappeared? He went back to his universe, where ‘Andorra’ exists? Is that what’s going to happen to me? I’m just going to disappear, too, and I’ll be back in my world?” she asked with great desperation and puppy eyes.

“It’s hard to say,” he replied. “If the same thing that happened to him is happening to you, you just might disappear some twenty-four hours after you showed up—you and whatever you brought here from your world.”

“It hasn’t been a day yet, unfortunately,” she sighed, shaking her head, then straightened up when she got an idea. “Maybe I can will myself to go back?” Helga suddenly shut her eyes, clenched her fists, and thought to herself, _Go back home, go back home, go back home, go back home, go back home, go back home—_

She opened her eyes and saw that she was still in the library.

“Drat.”

Wolfgang continued, “Another flaw with that theory—dealing with you, Helga—is that there were two equivalent countries with that man: Andorra and Taured. In order for the same to apply to you, there would need to be an equivalent country where your ‘San Lorenzo’ used to be.”

“Or perhaps an equivalent state or province,” countered Torvald. “Maybe in ‘our universe’, whatever country that was supposed to become San Lorenzo was absorbed by either Guatemala or Belize…” He then grabbed the atlas and turned to the page with the largest map of Belize, and asked, “Helga, look close at where San Lorenzo is supposed to be. Do you recognise anything? Any landmarks? Cities with similar names?”

She had to lean down and squint at the southern border that Belize had with Guatemala. She only needed to see two places named “Río Claro” and “Ciudad de Puerto Clara”.

There was a Lake Izabal where the Rainforest Preserve used to be.

Río Claro was now Río Dulce.

And the cities closest to the missing capital were “Livingston” and “Puerto Barrios”.

The only geographical feature she recognized was the bay, or gulf, where the river flowed into, but she didn’t know if “Gulf of Amatique” was the name that it also had in “her” universe.

Helga practically collapsed and would have flopped on the floor if Stinky hadn’t moved a chair behind her. She covered her face with her hands and trembled in anger and defeat, and she was on the brink of tears, too.

_Another dead end._

“Another option is that you’re dreaming this whole thing and your ‘real’ self is still in a coma,” said Wolfgang quickly, to hold off her meltdown. “But it’s easy to check if you’re dreaming or not.”

She looked up, slightly brightened with dim hope at the idea. “Really? How can I check that?”

“Simple. Just grab any random book from any shelf.”

Helga eyed him for a moment, then mechanically stood and walked up to a bookshelf. She closed her eyes, grabbed a book at random, and brought it back to the table.

“Now, open it to a random page, and read the first sentences,” said Wolfgang.

She did so and read, “—in the act of preserving its young. The young take six to seven weeks to mature and once that happens, they set off on their own to find their own territory—”

“Thanks,” interrupted the fifth grader, making her blink in annoyance. “Now, keep your finger on that page, open the book to another random page further ahead, and read the first sentences there.”

Helga did so and read, “—in the absence of predators. Environmental groups have often protested the measures of bringing back predatory species to curb their numbers back to sustainable levels, but—”

“Very good, Helga. Now, go back to the first page you read, and read the first sentences again.”

With a tired sigh, she flipped the pages back and read, “—in the act of preserving its young. The young take six to seven weeks to mature and once that happens—okay, enough of this,” she huffed, slamming the book shut. “What is this supposed to prove?”

“Reading and dreaming take place in different parts of the brain,” explained Wolfgang. “That’s why, for most people, it’s almost impossible to read while they’re dreaming, or whatever they manage to read, it doesn’t stay ‘permanent’, like in the pages you just read.”

“That, or she has a very good memory,” countered Torvald.

Trying not to stomp in frustration, she hissed, “I’ve been reading just fine in this ‘bizarro universe’, you paste-for-brains! Road signs, hospital signs, street signs, store signs, mall signs, school signs, and as much as I wanted to be wrong in some cases, everything has stayed pretty much the same—!”

“Okay, we get the point,” Torvald interrupted her, again adding to her annoyance and frustration. “But another test that might prove you’re dreaming is if something out of the ordinary happens, and you _know_ it’s out of the ordinary, but no one else seems to notice. Ever see the movie _Interception_?”

She looked at him with a raised half of her eyebrow, calming down at the implications of the question. “Yes…I have…and you want me to do the pinwheel test? The test that lucid dreamers set up for themselves to verify if they’re dreaming or not?”

“Not sure if you’re a lucid dreamer—”

_You don’t know me very well, bucko._

“—but it’s worth a shot. Now, we don’t have any pinwheel with us, but we have this:”

The boy grabbed his tote bag, unzipped it, and pulled out a black and white soccer ball.

“You play soccer now?” asked Helga, raising the other half of her eyebrow.

“Yeah, I make a great goalie,” he smiled. “Now, just stand there and look carefully at the ball.” Torvald then spun the ball and balanced it on his right index finger, giving it a few additional pushes so that it would spin at a good speed.

Helga didn’t know what to make of this, so she just sighed again, crossed her arms, and stared at the spinning ball, along with the rest of the boys.

The ball spun for about a minute, and Torvald made no more attempts to keep it spinning. Finally, it slowed down enough to wobble and then fall over, though he caught it before it hit the floor and made any noise that would bring upon them the wrath of the nearest librarian.

He sighed and shook his head. “Great. You’re definitely awake,” and both he and Helga sagged in defeat again.

Ludwig countered, “Not necessarily. You _told_ her about the test, so the ball may have fallen because she _willed_ it to fall down.” He then turned to Helga. “Let’s try this again. Turn around and close your eyes. We won’t tell you when he’ll start spinning the ball or when it falls over.”

_“If_ it falls over,” corrected Torvald.”

Getting tired of this whole ordeal, the blonde girl nonetheless resigned herself and did as she was told, turning around, closing her eyes, and crossing her arms.

Torvald nodded and spun the soccer ball in his finger again.

_Keep spinning, don’t fall over, keep spinning, don’t fall over, keep spinning, don’t fall over—_

Stinky’s hand touched her shoulder. “Yew can turn aroun’ again, luv, th’ ball fell over. Yew’re defin’tly _not_ dreamin’. So sorry.”

“Drat,” she growled, turning back to them again, just in time to see Torvald put the ball back in his tote bag. “Now what do we do?” she asked, ready again to crawl into a hole and die.

Torvald thought for a moment and said as excitedly as he could while whispering, “Well, maybe now _you_ could be the new urban legend, like The Man from Andorra! You could be…” He thought for a moment, clearly grasping at straws, and gestured at her. “The Girl from the…Other Hillwood, maybe? You could even be famous!”

Her anger bubbled again. She stood up to him and poked his chest, making him wince. “Listen, bucko, being famous _won’t_ get me home! And none of this explains why there’s a missing country here, or why just about everyone I know is different in some way and why there are so many different events from what I can remember!!!” She rubbed her head again and said, “The only thing I can think of right now is to go to Arnold’s new place and talk to him and his parents. They played a crucial part in the events that I can remember; maybe they might know or feel that something is off, too?”

“But Helga, luv, Arnold never gave anyone his new address! None o’ us knows where he lives!”

She raised the other half of her eyebrow again at her “boyfriend”. “Seriously? Not even Gerald? He _was_ his best friend, you know, or…at least…he was where I come from,” she sagged as she corrected herself.

Stinky just shook his head. “He n’ Gerald drifted apart once they both got girlfriends.”

_Ugh, typical of boys—_ Helga was about to facepalm, but she suddenly straightened up. “Wait, his family moved out of town three months ago, right?”

“Yup.”

“Then that means he moved out smack in the middle of the school year!” She pointed a determined finger at her “boyfriend”, and her countenance lit up as her brain overcame depression and heartache and began conjuring an idea. “Wherever he moved to, he must have transferred to another school, and if he did, then that means that his records must _still_ be at P.S. 118!!!”

“That may be so, but will Wartz let us see them?” asked Ludwig. “I doubt he’ll let anyone who isn’t of Arnold’s family see his records.”

She thought for a few more seconds, left hand on her chin, and asked, “Is Superintendent Chaplin still the superintendent of the school district?”

Wolfgang pondered for a bit and replied, “I think so. He paid Wartz a visit after the flood to check on the repairs.”

“Wow, that happened here too?” She shook her head. “Ugh, never mind that. I’ve got an idea. You four go to the library’s office.” She pointed at the older boys. “And cause a distraction. Nothing big, just enough to get all the adults out of there. I’ll do the rest.”

For the first time in some two hours, Helga rubbed her hands together and smiled.

And it was an evil smile, too, one that Stinky had never seen before, and it gave him the chills.

The _bad_ kind, too.

* * *

Principal Wartz was the only member of school staff that remained inside P.S. 118, finishing up approvals, rejections, and other mundane paperwork. He estimated that he would be done in ten minutes, but that was when his phone rang.

_Oh, how I wish we could afford secretaries again._ “P.S. 118, Principals’ Office—”

“We can dispense with the pleasantries, Wartz. I need information from you A.S.A.P.”

The obese man suddenly straightened up. “Oh, Superintendent Chaplin, it’s nice to hear from you.”

“Yes, the feeling’s mutual,” replied the gruff voice sarcastically. “Now, are you going to get me that information now or are you stalling for time? Don’t tell me you’re having problems there again, Wartz.”

The man began to sweat. “Oh, no, sir! Everything is fine here. What information do you need?”

“We need to update one record here, and the system crashed, unfortunately—darn these budget cuts. Now, while the technicians are starting the system up again, I need you to confirm the new address of a student who transferred out of your school three months ago. Last name: Shortman.”

“Confirm new address? Of course, sir, just a moment.” He rolled his chair over to a filing cabinet, searched for a folder, pulled it out, and opened it. “Hmm…yes, I got it right here, sir…”

* * *

Back at the library, Helga happily wrote down Arnold’s new address as she stood next to a desk of the library’s office, completely devoid of all adults. “Excellent, Wartz, that will be all. Now do yourself a favour and lose some weight; you’re not exactly giving the students a good example by looking like a whale.” She almost slammed the phone down, but opted to quietly hang it up, then she cleared her throat while stifling some _very_ hefty laughter, which she desperately needed, too.

She wondered if she would be able to hold it until they left.

* * *

At P.S. 118, the Principal looked at the headset in his hand for a moment, slightly bewildered at the sudden disconnection, but decided to dismiss his confusion and hung up as well.

However, as he was placing Arnold’s file back in the cabinet, he suddenly asked himself, _“‘Dispense with the pleasantries’?”_

* * *

“Heh, old Wartz is still a pushover,” smiled Helga as she left the office.

The others were waiting for her at the door, on the lookout for any adult who might have needed to go back inside, but the staff and many of the older patrons were busy arguing in the aisles and next to the desks and very much forgetting that this was a library.

“Republican!”

“Pepperoni!”

“Democrat!”

“Anchovies!”

“Libertarian!”

“Mushrooms!

“Independent!”

“Beef!”

“Conservative!”

“Pork!”

“Liberal!”

“Mozzarella!”

“Left wing!”

“Cheddar!”

“Right wing!”

Helga blinked at the adults. “Wow, it’s nice to see some things never change. Now let’s go. We’ve got a bus to catch. And thanks.”

The adults ignored the six children that hurried out of the library.

Once the main door closed behind them and they all walked away, the girl said, “Politics and pizza toppings. Two things that adults will never agree on. I’m surprised you didn’t toss in _religion_ , too.”

“Hey, we wanted to cause a distraction, not a riot,” huffed Wolfgang. “But since when can you imitate Superintendent Chaplin?” he asked with sincere curiosity.

Helga blinked at him and much to his surprise, replied with the fifth grader’s exact voice, “Huh? You mean I…um…‘your’ Helga…er…the Helga here can’t do that?”

The boy’s eyes widened, and he almost turned pale.

“Nope,” replied Stinky, also very surprised, wondering if the girl really _was_ his girlfriend. “Ah know yew’re talented, but yew never said yew could do impressions!”

She scratched her head and replied with her normal voice, “How odd, I guess that comedy show didn’t happen here…” _Or whoever I replaced just can’t do impressions._

Quickly changing the subject, she turned to the former bullies. “So…uh…thanks again, I guess. We didn’t get anywhere, but we at least got one lead that might help me get home. But when did you three get so smart? Last I heard, you all needed tutors to help you with your schoolwork.”

Ludwig chuckled, “Hey, we’re fifth graders. By definition, we’re _supposed_ to be smarter than you. And like we said before, not being bullies really helped bring our grades up.”

Helga blinked. “Huh. That makes sense.” Then she turned to Torvald. “And from where did _you_ ever hear of that legend? ‘The Man from An…An…’”

“Andorra.”

“Yes, that. I thought it was Gerald who was the Keeper of Urban Legends, or did that change here too?”

He explained, “Oh, he is. The thing is that he only focuses on the local legends, like those of his neighbourhood or the ones around town. After listening to him a few times, I decided to become a Legends Keeper myself, but I focused on the national and international ones.”

Helga saw his genuine smile, as he was obviously proud of his achievements, and simply commented, “Enough said.”

“Yeah, yeah, but where are we going now?” asked Harold, huffing along, trying not to lag behind them.

“The bus depot. Arnold moved out of town, but he didn’t go far. According to Wartz, his family is in a farming and dairy community about an hour from here. And…um…” She faltered here and looked away from the boys. “I don’t suppose you guys will want to come with me, or even…um…help me get there? I don’t have any money with me, so—”

“I’m game,” said Torvald, surprising Helga with his speedy reply. “You’re an international legend now, so don’t think I’m going to dismiss this as a dream. And yes, I’ll spring for your ticket.”

“I suppose I’ll go if you go,” Wolfgang told him.

“Someone’s got to keep an eye on you two,” declared Ludwig. “For all we know, an interdimensional portal just might open and suck her back to her universe, and that’s something I’d want to see.”

“I’ll help you with your ticket, Stinky,” said Harold. “She’s your girlfriend, after all.” The obese boy looked at Helga for a moment and said to himself, “…I think…”

Once all that was settled, they went on their way to the bus depot, and as they walked down the street, Helga asked, “So, this Andorra guy, he just disappeared with everything he brought with him, even his luggage, after one day?”

“Yes,” replied Torvald. “Maybe you will too, and if that happens, everything you brought here with you will also disappear, and we’ll be without any evidence that you ever came here, except word-of-mouth.”

“Evidence? What evidence?” she blurted, waving her arms. “I mean, crimeny! I didn’t exactly bring a suitcase here with me, you know! I just suddenly appeared in the hospital after I…um…” She blushed, lowering her arms bashfully. “…I…fell asleep on a couch…yes, a couch…in _my_ world!!! I didn’t even bring my pj’s with me, either! I just woke up wearing that gown which was obviously from the hospital.”

“Well, that’s one less thing to worry about, I suppose,” said Torvald. “But I’m really starting to think that you indeed replaced the Helga we knew—that is, Stinky’s actual girlfriend.”

“I’m starting to believe that too, from what I’ve seen,” the girl agreed.

“Yew really think she’s not mah girlfriend?” asked the country boy, slightly apprehensive at the idea.

“It _is_ a possibility. You said that your Helga never knew how to do impressions, she’s convinced that she’s been in a country that doesn’t exist here, she insists that Arnold’s parents travelled to Central America, and she says the whole class took a trip there later on in ‘her’ world.”

“But wouldn’t that mean that _mah_ Helga is stuck ‘n _her_ world?”

Everyone looked at each other and blinked with the realisation.

“Wow, I never thought about that,” said Helga, left hand on her chin again. “I wonder where she appeared at, though. I mean, considering I seem to have gone back in time as well, maybe she went forward in time? If she did, she might have—”

Helga gasped.

_She might have appeared in Arnold’s bed!!!_

“Go on?” said Stinky.

“Um…she…might have been very surprised that Phoebe isn’t a bully!!!” she quickly replied, trying to shove down her nervousness. “And…you three still are…and that she’s still best friends with her…and that there are a lot of couples there she wasn’t expecting.”

“Huh? Wut do yew mean—?”

“Hey, Helga!!! You’re on TV!!!” yelled Harold.

Everyone stopped and whirled to their right.

The group was walking past a video store, and like any self-respecting video store, several televisions were in the window display and tuned to the local channels.

And blaring on just about every screen was the image of Olga Pataki holding a picture of her dear “baby sister”.

_An old and creased picture, too, apparently of her in THIRD grade, and scowling at the camera, too, which made Helga cringe and tremble with rage._

_Crimeny! You’d THINK that someone as overbearing as HER would have a more recent photograph!_

They all heard, “…ran away, scared by the terrible news. She was last seen heading for the neighbourhood of P.S. 118 and the local mall. Please, if you’ve seen her, contact CPS at the number on your screen, or me, at the second number.”

Helga facepalmed, and waved her arms angrily again. “Crimeny!!! Olga is in this world, too???” She pumped her right fist at the sky, “This just keeps getting better, right, ‘Bizarro Universe’? What _else_ do you have in store for me???!!!”

“Now what do we do?” asked Ludwig, officially out of ideas.

“Shouldn’t we take her t’ her sister? She _is_ her family, yew know—”

“NO, YOU PASTE-FOR-BRAINS!!!” Stinky was suddenly grabbed by his shirt and shoved against the wall of the video store. “If Olga gets a hold of me, chances are I’ll NEVER get to talk to Arnold’s family and I’ll NEVER get home _and you just might NEVER get your girlfriend back, either!!!”_

Now it was Stinky’s turn to panic.

“Then we’ve got to disguise you!!!” blurted Harold in desperation. “That way Olga won’t recognise her!!!”

Still holding Stinky, she turned to the fat boy. “Disguise me _how_ , you tub-of-lard? Do you have a spare wig you can lend me or something?”

Stinky blinked.

And then he smiled.

“No, but Ah do! Come on!!!”

“ _You WHAT???!!!”_

Before Helga could even feel surprised, Stinky once more grabbed her hand, broke her hold on him, and ran off, almost pulling her off her feet, with the boys following moments later.

“I…suppose we’re going to your house now?” she asked, barely being able to keep up.

“Yup!!! Ah’ve got th’ perfect disguise f’r yew!!!”

“Heh, this I’ve gotta see,” huffed Wolfgang.

It didn’t take long to run to Stinky’s house, and much to Helga’s relief, it was very much the same as it was in “her” universe: a white and red wood cabin propped up on old tires, between two concrete buildings.

However, when they arrived, Stinky didn’t lead her inside. Instead, he released her hand and told her, “Run aroun’ back. Ah’ll give yew yewr disguise thar’, luv.”

Not wanting to disrupt his plan, she did as she was told and ran around the cabin, finding herself moments later in the back yard.

…or the vegetable garden, it appeared. She didn’t have much time to ponder on that or even to catch her breath because two minutes later, Stinky startled her as he burst out the back door, and he ran up to her holding a bundle of cloth.

“Here,” he gasped, shoving the bundle into her arms. “Yew can change over thar,” he nodded at what appeared to be an outhouse on a far corner of the garden.

“Crimeny, Stinky, hasn’t your family ever heard of indoor plumbing?” she asked as she ran to the small shack.

“Yew never minded before!!!”

_Wow, the Helga here must REALLY be in love with him!!!_

She ran inside and shut the door behind her, where she could at last examine the “disguise” that her “boyfriend” had given her. It was a pair of blue jeans, a beige and black plaid button-up shirt— _Well, at least I’ll be blending in Arnold’s town…_ —a black cap, and oddly enough, a brown wig, apparently for men.

Knowing there was no time for questions, she quickly changed, though she had to fold up the legs of the jeans since they were a bit long for her, and she tucked her shirt in.

_Wait, are these Stinky’s clothes?_

There was no time to ponder or even feel disgusted at that, though she did hope that they had just been washed. She then tied up her pigtails with her bow and tucked them under the wig. There was no mirror here, so she hoped all her blonde locks were safely hidden. To make sure of that, she put the cap over the wig. She also pulled the paper with all the phone numbers from the dress pocket and stuffed it in her pants pocket.

With her heart still racing, she stepped outside, where her “boyfriend” was waiting along with the former bullies.

Stinky blinked.

“Wow, darlin’!!! Yew could fool others n’ make ‘em think yew’re a boy, gussied up like that!!!”

“I know,” she sighed with annoyance, remembering. “In my other world, I was sometimes mistaken for a boy, despite me wearing a dress.”

Wolfgang was taken aback. “What? How could you be mistaken for a boy if you were wearing a dress?”

“I don’t know, crimeny!!!” she snapped at him because of all the tension, scaring him slightly. “People are just stupid, okay? By the way,” she suddenly turned to Stinky. “The pink dress is still in there,” she thumbed at the shack. “You might want to keep it in a safe place until your girlfriend gets back.”

The tall boy blushed, for some reason.

“And do I even want to know _why_ your family has a wig?” she asked, adjusting it.

“Ah told yew befor’, mah grandpa doesn’t like bein’ bald.”

“Oh, of course,” she huffed, dismissing the issue. “Now, I hope you all have your parents’ permissions to go off on a sudden bus trip, because that’s where we’re going now.”

Stinky replied, “Right. Ah juss’ told mah parents Ah’d be gone f’r an hour or three n’ Ah’d git home by dark—”

She blinked. “Really? They didn’t chew you out because you played hooky today?”

“Don’t worry, Ah told them Ah misunderstood th’ school nurse, thinkin’ she gave meh permission t’ go see yew. N’ Ah’ve got more money for yew—” He handed her a few bills.

She sighed in relief. “Thank you, Stinky, you’re a real life saver. I—um—your girlfriend must be really proud of you. Now, let’s go!!!”

The group left the house, slightly calmer than they had arrived, and no one batted an eye at them, since they appeared to be nothing more than six “boys” going off to play sports somewhere.

It was only a five minute trip to the bus depot, using the city bus, and again no one noticed the six “boys” getting tickets to a nearby dairy town—not when any concerned adult who saw the news report focused his/her attention on finding a blonde girl wearing a pink dress.

* * *

As the bus drove away from Hillwood, Helga felt the adrenaline tapering off once again, but she was too scared to fall asleep, her fright having pushed aside somewhat her depression and broken heart, despite her “boyfriend” sitting on her right, on the aisle seat, and holding her hand reassuringly.

Suddenly remembering the legend that Torvald had told, she pulled out the money that Stinky gave her and examined the bills closely.

She sighed with relief when she saw that there were no strange people or landmarks that she had never heard of on any of the bills.

_Well, that’s one less thing to worry about._

Still, she was glad to be sitting down once more, and glad no one noticed her skip town.

Or so she thought.


	8. 0110 – MORE MONSTER TALK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My shortest chapter EVER. Think of it as a "cut scene" if it were animated.

One of the concerned adults was at Lake Park Baseball Field, and she was pacing back and forth in front of her “informer”.

“You said Helga would be in this baseball field. SHE ISN’T HERE!!! WHAT HAPPENED???!!!” she hissed.

“What happened—” replied her informer rather calmly, while staying in the shadow of the dugout. “—was that your impatient and precipitated actions ruined your opportunity to meet your sister here. I never told you to put out a news alert, which she very likely saw. We already had enough problems with the social worker getting the police to activate an Amber Alert on her, and now you scared her off.”

The woman slapped her arms on her sides. “But I had to!!! How else can I find my baby sister if I don’t get help from any others?” She pointed an angry finger at her “informer” and added, “And, I might add, you haven’t exactly been of much help, either.”

The other person wasn’t fazed. “Don’t worry, Miss Pataki. I know of two other places where your sister might be. One is nearby, the other…not so much.” Olga glared at her. “Naturally, if your sister is no longer in town, all I have to do is check the footage of several security cameras, starting from those in this park. And your sister _will_ be found, I guarantee it.”

Olga pointed at her again, “I hope you are not toying with me, because if you are, not only will you _not_ get one red cent from me, but I will personally make sure that you will be unable to do any more stunts like this again. Do I make myself clear?”

The “informant” only smiled calmly at her. “You made yourself perfectly clear, Miss Pataki. And I would never dream of toying with a person of such high moral character such as yourself.”

“Let’s go, then, ‘friend’,” said Olga, not noticing the hidden condescension and sarcasm in her informant’s last statement.

The two people left the empty baseball field.


	9. 0111 – HELGA VISITS ARNOLD AND ARNIE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last update of the year.  
> And Helga is about to reach her breaking point.

The trip to the dairy town took about forty-five minutes, and the whole time Helga never took her sights away from the road on her left and never bothered to turn and look at Stinky on her right or even the other boys in front of her. She couldn’t reminisce, much less write poetry, since she had no notebook with her, and with her locket gone, there was no way for her to be fully inspired. The only thing that went through her mind during the trip was how unreal everything seemed here in this “bizarro universe”, and she hoped that the other Helga was faring much better than she was.

_Did my other self go forward in time?_

_How far did she go?_

_Or did she go BACK in time?_

_Maybe even back to Urban Tots, where it all began?_

_Or maybe even further back, and she assisted Stella while she gave birth to Arnold?_

_Or even further back than that, and she helped Miles and Stella meet?_

The possibilities were very much endless, given the uncertainty that these universes had presented to her once she realised that she had not only gone to another universe, but had travelled back in time as well.

_Will I even return to my own time?_

_Or will I go back even further?_

_Or forward?_

_Or maybe I’ll go back when we’re all really old and we only have a few years left to live?_

_Or, if I end up that far in the future, maybe the technology there will be advanced enough that they’ll be able to send me back to the right place and the right time?_

_Or will I end up in a radioactive wasteland because of a future nuclear war?_

The uncertainty was enough to keep the knot in her throat present and the hole in her chest open, not just from heartbreak, but from sheer terror and helplessness, since she was very much at the mercy of forces unknown—

“Helga, luv, we’re here.”

The girl blinked and saw that the bus had stopped. Stinky was gently tugging her right hand, having already stood and moved out to the aisle.

With a sigh, Helga stood and followed him out of the bus, along with the other boys. Once they all stepped out, the door closed with a hiss and the bus roared on its way.

The five boys and one girl disguised as a boy were standing in front of a large parking lot, and on the back there was a large one-story wooden building, and there was a covered metal bench about three meters from the highway: the local bus stop.

“Now what?” asked Harold.

Helga pulled out the note where she wrote the address that Wartz had given her, looked up, saw a map on the exterior wall of the bus depot, walked up to said map, got her bearings, and returned to the group.

“Follow me,” she said emotionlessly and began walking in the direction the bus had left.

The boys shrugged and followed her.

It was a rather short walk, some five minutes from the bus stop, and after turning on a few side dirt roads, the group found themselves in front of two white wooden farmhouses, and two adjacent white mailboxes declared that two different families lived there.

The mailbox on the right read:

SHORTMAN

_This was it._

Both houses were surrounded by a short chain link fence, but it didn’t divide the front or back yards; apparently the owners didn’t mind their families mingling. The fence had gates next to the mailboxes, and on the side of the right gate there was a handy doorbell.

Helga took a deep breath and rang it, and all could barely hear the chime coming from inside the house fifty feet away.

The door opened and a plethora of dogs and cats poured out, dispersing throughout the yard, but then they all ran around to the back of the house. The girl’s blue eyes widened at the similarity with Sunset Arms.

Two blonde boys, almost twins, followed the animals outside, letting the screen door bounce closed behind them, and the sight of them made Helga’s heart race with excitement, dread, and downright panic. The lump in her throat almost choked her when she was hit with the reality that her beloved was already taken by another girl.

One boy wore a purple plaid shirt, blue pants with suspenders, and a blue propeller cap. He had light yellow hair and brown eyes.

The other wore blue pants, an untucked red plaid button-up shirt with rolled up sleeves, and a normal sized blue cap. _He had hair a darker shade of yellow, and GREEN eyes, the same ones that made her feel like she was on the clouds._

As they walked up to them, she noticed that the first boy had hooded eyes, as if he were sleepy. The second boy also seemed sleepy, until he recognized the guys, and then his eyes widened.

“Stinky? Torvald? Ludwig? Wolfgang? What brings you guys here?”

And that was definitely his voice, which resonated in her chest.

_ARNOLD!!!_

“Friends of yours?” asked his cousin monotonously. _Sniff._

Despite her reactions, she realised that it was Arnold, and yet it _wasn’t_ Arnold, or not the Arnold she knew. His teal sweater was missing, his cap was too big…or it wasn’t the baby-sized cap she remembered, and as he came closer, she noticed that he seemed to blink out of sync, a bit like his cousin.

“Arnold, we’re here ‘cuz we need yewr help. Ah hope yew remember her.”

“Her?”

Helga blinked and realized that Stinky was talking about her. She took a deep breath and slowly removed her cap and wig, letting her pigtails fall out.

“Helga?”

Her heart beat faster with hope. “You…you remember me?”

“Of course I remember you! Why wouldn’t I?” he asked with genuine happiness and concern. “I’m glad you finally woke up and are out of the hospital! How are you feeling?”

_He was smiling at her!!!_

“I remember you too,” said Arnie deadpan. _Sniff._ “It’s been a while since we saw each other.”

Disgust replaced the girl’s rising affection when she remembered Arnie trying to get her to become his girlfriend back in Hillwood—“her” Hillwood—but then she remembered that here, it was Lila who was his girlfriend.

But there was too much to talk about and too many questions to ask out here. She needed to sit down again.

Nervously, she balled up the cap and wig in front of her. “Footba—um—Arnold—hello.” She wasn’t sure if calling him by her pet insult was a good idea at this point. “Arnie, nice to see you again—” And thus dismissed his cousin.

She took a deep breath, looked into her beloved’s green eyes, and declared, “Arnold…I…I need to speak with you, and your parents, about something _very_ serious. Can…can we go inside?”

The darker blonde boy stared at her with hooded eyes, blinked out of sync, and replied, “Sure, come on in, everyone.”

They all looked at each other for a moment and then followed the two blonde fourth graders back to the house.

“Are your parents home?” asked Helga as they crossed the front yard, still balling up the cap and wig, as her heart raced faster with each step she took toward the front door.

“They’ll be here in a few minutes. In the meantime, I can show you my hair ribbon collection.”

“YOUR WHAT???!!!” She wasn’t sure if she would be able to handle any more surprises that this “bizarro universe” kept throwing at her. But at least Stinky was wrong about him having a _lint_ collection.

Her outburst caused Arnold to look oddly at her, but he continued, “Sure. There’s not much to do in this town, so I had to make do. Arnie here has his lint collection—”

“It’s more detailed than it seems.” _Sniff._

“—so I decided to take up collecting hair ribbons. You’d be surprised at the variety.”

Helga rubbed her head again. “Please tell me you’re not into reading product ingredients, too.”

Arnold turned to her and sighed, almost sounding bored, “I wasn’t, until I moved here. There’s no library in town, only one movie theatre, and without cable, TV gets boring real fast, so I read whatever I can get my hands on. You’d do it too, trust me.”

_Crimeny, Arnold HAS turned into Arnie!!! What next? Did Phil run for president?_

Her non-boyfriend led them inside. There was no foyer; the front door led directly to the living room, and the first thing Helga noticed was that the interior had the couches, sofas, and tables she remembered from Sunset Arms, along with the same picture frames. It might have passed for Sunset Arms if the boarders had been there, too, but she couldn’t bring herself to ask what happened to them. She didn’t see the piano that they had kept on the roof, though. The second thing she noticed was a portrait on the wall. It was of both families together: Arnie and his parents and Arnold and his parents. His cousin’s parents seemed familiar, as if she had seen them before somewhere, but she couldn’t pinpoint where. Arnie’s mother was obviously Stella’s sister, given the shape of their heads, but…

Miles and Stella seemed a bit…off. They didn’t have any grey streaks on their hair, nor did they seem like the weathered adventurers she remembered. Given that they never went to a country that never existed, that seemed logical, but here, they seemed rather…dull— _normal_ —perhaps.

She didn’t have time to ponder on this because the third thing she noticed as they entered the living room—and it made her stiffen with rage and jealousy—was that waiting for them, standing next to each other, were none other than _Lila Sawyer_ and _Ruth McDougal._

_Crimeny!!! What are those two bimbos doing here???_

“Helga!!! You’re okay!!!”

It didn’t help that the two girls rushed Helga and greeted her with hefty hugs.

Which confused her even more since she now had no idea what to do with her jealousy and rage.

_Okay, I can get Lila being nice, but Ruth???_

Lila still had her trademark green dress, brown boots, and light blue plaid shirt, but Ruth no longer had that red plaid skirt or that ugly blue sweater. Instead, she wore the typical country denim overalls with a long sleeved pink plaid shirt. Her pearl necklace was still there, and her hair was the same—

_Waittaminute, Stinky said Arnold had a girlfriend here. And if Lila is here with Arnie, then that means—_

Arnold declared, “Helga, you remember Lila—”

“I’m ever-so glad you’re awake and finally out of the hospital!!!” she almost squealed with her typical saccharine enthusiasm, still hugging her “friend”.

“My girlfriend,” confirmed Arnie. _Sniff._

“—and you remember _my_ girlfriend, Ruth McDougal.”

“It’s great to see you again, Helga!”

The bottom fell out of Helga’s heart and mind when Ruth said that as she hugged her.

And she wanted to SCREAM, despite the lump in her throat now enveloping her entire neck.

_The Helga here may have a boyfriend already, BUT DID ARNOLD’S GIRLFRIEND HAVE TO BE RUTH MCDOUGAL???!!!_

Not only that, Ruth smiled at her, but it wasn’t a haughty or condescending smile, it was a…genuine smile—braces and all—she seemed…

_…kind?_

The one thing left that she _hoped_ didn’t happen here was to find all the “opposite” doppelgangers Arnold mentioned when he told her about the dream he had about his cousin and all the kids that lived in this town. Still, she wanted to know just how on earth—

Something caught her eye.

“Footba—um—Arnold, how did you get that scar on your arm?” She thought it had been a trick of the light, or even some dirt, but that was something that was definitely _not_ there in “her” universe.

“This?” he asked nonchalantly, glancing at the long scar that went from his left wrist and disappeared under the rolled-up sleeve. “I got it during our accident.”

Helga blinked. “Huh? _‘Our’_ accident? What do you mean ‘our’ accident?”

“It’s th’ same one yew both had three months ago, luv,” explained Stinky.

_We were in an accident TOGETHER???_

“Yes. You got amnesia after I beaned you with the baseball, and when I took you to school the following day, you forgot to look both ways before crossing the street. Jolly Olly Man was speeding, and I ran to push you out of the way. I…didn’t quite get to you in time, and he hit us both.”

_SAY WHAT??? JOLLY OLLY MAN_ DID _HIT ME HERE??? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE???_

“I didn’t break my arm, but I did get this scar. We both fell into a coma, but I woke up two days later. You never did, until now. I’m glad to see you’re up and about, Helga, and fully recovered. But why are you here, and why were you wearing a wig?”

_Wig?_ asked Lila and Ruth internally, glancing oddly at the blonde visitor.

Helga had to rub her face and head for a minute or two, trying to assimilate the outlandish information that this “bizarro universe” wouldn’t stop throwing at her, despite Stinky trying to reassure her by holding her trembling shoulders.

“Helga?” asked Arnold, concerned.

The blonde girl sat on the couch, as did the rest on other chairs and couches around the living room, with the couples sitting together.

“Okay,” she said slowly. “Let’s go by steps. First, has it been three months since I got amnesia by that baseball?”

“Yes.”

“And you and your family moved here shortly after that?”

“Yes.”

She sighed, and continued, “Okay, I can accept the fact that I am Stinky’s girlfriend, but just _how on this ‘bizarro earth’ did you and Ruth ever get together???!!!_ I mean, I thought you gave up on her after that failed ‘date’ during Valentine’s Day!!!”

“‘Bizarro earth’?” asked Arnie. _Sniff._

“Huh? What ‘failed date’?” asked his cousin, tilting his head.

Ruth also raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, what ‘failed date’? Sure, not all of our dates have gone smoothly, but we’ve held on. As to how we got together, well, on Valentine’s Day, after a bad date of my own, this little hunk came to my house and serenaded me with his keyboard. He plays great, too!!!” She leaned on him affectionately.

Helga slowly blinked, took a deep breath, and gradually turned to glare at her non-boyfriend. “ _WHAT…KEYBOARD…???_ ” She almost growled again. “I thought you gave up trying to buy it!!!”

Arnold sat back. “Why would I give up on that? I bought it with the prize money of the spelling bee, practiced for a while, and gave this pretty girl a serenade.” He smiled and leaned on Ruth’s arm.

The sixth-grade girl also smiled, hugged her boyfriend, and leaned her head on his. “And he plays great!!! Not to mention that while I wouldn’t wish a car accident on anyone, that scar on his arm just made him more desirable, too. I had to fight off a few other girls from the school here who also had their eye on him.”

Helga rubbed her aching head again.

She couldn’t believe it. Not one bit.

_Crimeny, I’ve got to find out why he didn’t buy that keyboard back in “my” world…and what he did with those five hundred bucks, too…_

She turned and was about to ask Wolfgang something, but she could only look at them with amusement as the boys were staring at Arnold with open mouths, obviously incredulous as well of the fact that a fourth grader had managed to land a _sixth grader_ for a girlfriend.

Stifling a chuckle, despite her heartbreak, depression, and lump in her throat, she asked her “boyfriend”, “Let me guess, Stinky: you just heard rumours of Arnold getting a girlfriend, but you were never told who it was?”

“Nope! Ah always thought it was a girl from his grade!”

“Not that I’ve been without problems,” added the boy in question. “After the accident, I kinda lost some playing ability, almost as if I had forgotten how to play the keyboard. It took me a while to get back up to speed.” He shook his head. “I can’t even _blink_ evenly now!”

Ruth hugged him tighter, “Aw, Arnold, you’re young, I’m sure you’ll recover. Besides, I would love you even if you could only play _Chopsticks_ , now that we know each other better.”

It was Helga’s turn to sit back. “Seriously? _Chopsticks_? Don’t tell me that’s the song you used to serenade her, Footba—um—Arnold.”

“No, it was _Clair de Lune_. And after the accident, I could barely play anything and had to start practicing from the beginning all over again. I also had to retake my karate lessons with Grandma. I could barely swim, too, and had to relearn that as well. You may have been unconscious for three months, but it doesn’t seem like you forgot how to do stuff.”

“Nope, but now she can do stuff she couldn’t do befor’!!!” blurted Stinky rather excitedly.

“Really?” asked Arnie. _Sniff._

Ruth continued to console her boyfriend. She held his head and turned it to look into his green eyes. “Well, you’re quite the fast learner, and you caught up, and that includes your swimming lessons, and now you can swim better than ever before, right?”

Arnold smiled and blushed.

Ruth smiled and blushed.

Helga blinked.

_Wait, “swimming lessons”?_

Seeing how they were looking at each other, _blushing,_ she suddenly remembered the dream Arnold told her that dealt with a Lila doppelganger who asked him to go on a “private swim” with her, which he declined. But now…

She _saw_ the way they fell into each other’s eyes.

_Blushing._

_Realising what it all meant, she wanted to throw up; maybe she’d expel the lump in her throat when she did._

_Crimeny, that boy is a real stud, not just in “my” universe but in this “bizarro universe” as well!!! Hmm…so there IS a swimming hole around here…if I ever get back, I gotta ask him about that dream again and wait for an opportunity before any other girl can—_

“And…after the accident—” Helga quickly changed the subject, shaking her head and almost blushing herself, and trying to push down her ever-increasing heartache, now that she knew that the two were now very much inseparable. She had to force the words out of her mouth because the lump in her throat was almost blocking them. “Your parents decided to move out of Hillwood?”

“Yes,” he turned to her again. “Once I woke up, they decided that the city life was too much for me, and them. They sold the boarding house, and we moved here.”

“And I suppose your grandparents retired to Florida?” she asked, remembering when Phil and Gertie wanted precisely to sell the boarding house and move to a warmer climate.

Arnold straightened up and looked at her with surprise, “Y-yes, they did, and I couldn’t take karate lessons anymore, but how did you know that?”

She dismissed his question, “It’s a long story, and it’s part of the reason I’m here, but, Ruth—” she turned to the taller girl. “I didn’t know you lived out here in the boondocks!”

“I didn’t. I moved here too, you see,” she leaned back, teasing Arnold’s unruly hair. “I was devastated after I saw what happened to you and Arnold, and when he told me that his family was going to move out of town, I _begged_ my parents to move here as well, or to at least let me live with some relatives that I had here, too. They gave in, loved this place, and we moved about half a mile from here. Besides—” She sighed and looked down. “I couldn’t stand going to P.S. 118 anymore, not after that fourth-grade girl turned into the worst bully ever. I mean, she practically turned into a mafia girl!!!”

_Crimeny, gotta hand it to Phoebe, she never does things halfway—_

Lila decided to chime in, “And after I saw them move, I ever-so decided to go after _my_ man.” She hugged the stoic boy next to her. “I begged daddy to move us here, and here we are. And no, I couldn’t stand Phoebe, either. She would ever-so give The Godparent a run for his money from the way she’s been doing things!!!”

_Looks like her reputation precedes her._

Monotonously, “And we’ve been together ever since.” _Sniff._

“Okay, back to the reason I came here,” she quickly said, knowing that the ever-increasingly painful lump in her throat was making her lose her grip on the conversation. “Foot—Arnold, your parents…travel? Have they…studied archaeology? Anthropology? Have they ever travelled overseas to look for hidden treasures next to erupting volcanoes?”

The boy looked at her oddly for a moment and replied, “No, Helga. Both of them are social workers and—”

“SOCIAL WORKERS???” she almost yelled, straightening up and paling in fright as this “bizarro universe” pulled the rug out from under her again, startling just about everyone, and making Stinky jump back from her slightly. “But…but…if they’re social workers, then…then where did they meet?” she quickly asked. _If not at an archaeological dig, then where?_

“In college,” he replied, uneasy at her insistence and apparent panic. “They dated for a while, and then both travelled around the country separately seeing where they would best fit in. After my dad proposed to her, they decided to settle in Hillwood.”

Helga held a trembling hand to her face and asked with a trembling voice, “Foot—Arnold, I’m going to ask you something that will sound completely strange, but _please_ try to answer as best as you can.”

The boy leaned forward, ready to listen.

She put her hand down, took a deep breath, tried to separate her throat from her heart, looked into his eyes, and asked, “Arnold, have you ever heard of…San Lorenzo? The Green-Eyed People? El Corazón? La Sombra? A volcano erupting that was suddenly silenced when a baby was born nine years ago?”

He looked at her, trying to decipher what she was talking about, and after a minute, replied, “Can’t say that I have. Would any of that have to do with Latin America? My parents say that they want to travel south, just for vacation, but they haven’t made any concrete plans.”

“Foot—Arnold,” she insisted, feeling every part of her start cracking under the panic and heartbreak. “Do you…do you remember…anything…strange…out of the ordinary…any sudden change of any kind…in your life, or in the school, or Hillwood, _anywhere_ …this morning or afternoon? Anything at all???” The girl was on the brink of tears, and he could tell.

“I…” he faltered at the sight of the girl who was falling apart in front of him. “I…I can’t say that I have. Life both here and in Hillwood has been very ordinary, nothing that would involve any Latin American country or volcanoes. Why do you ask?”

The blue-eyed girl rubbed her face again as she looked at the floor.

“Helga, are you okay?” asked Lila.

“Yeah, you don’t look so well.” _Sniff._

She forced herself to continue, almost feeling as if she was crawling through mud. “I…I guess that…I just wanted to…to know…if you noticed anything…maybe your parents do…maybe I’ll ask the parents of our other friends if they still work where they did before…maybe…maybe they…they might know…”

“They might know what?” asked Ruth, noticing the girl was faltering.

“They…they might… _they_ …!!!”

Finally, the dam broke, and the toughest girl in fourth grade, in front of everyone, fell on her knees in front of the couch and cried into her hands, with her sobs shaking her whole body, almost making her appear as if she was having convulsions.

All the boys sat and stared, completely speechless, not knowing what to do to help her at all.

Not even Stinky knew what to do.

Quickly, Lila and Ruth jumped out of their seats and knelt at her sides, holding her reassuringly, almost pushing Stinky out of the way.

_What? You mean Ruth is actually COMPASSIONATE???_

“Helga, what’s wrong?” asked Lila, genuinely concerned.

“We’ll try to help you as best as we can, but please, tell us what’s wrong?”

“I…!!!” Failing to push down the lump in her throat, she looked at the ceiling. “I…always wanted to be independent…always wanted to get away from my…idiot parents…but…but not like this!!! This isn’t my world!!! This isn’t my universe, even!!! Everything is WRONG!!! Everyone is DIFFERENT!!! Even the countries aren’t where they should be…!!!”

She could say no more and just sobbed between the two girls, who could do no more other than hold her close.

“Huh? What do you mean, ‘this isn’t your universe’? That doesn’t make sense!!! Please, explain to us what’s going on!” pleaded Ruth.

“Yes, please, explain to us what’s going on.”

Everyone turned to the door, where they saw Miles and Stella Shortman walking in. Helga looked up and saw Arnold’s parents, both wearing charcoal business suits, and felt the slightly “boring” vibes again.

“Hello, Uncle Miles and Aunt Stella,” piped their nephew monotonously. _Sniff._

Arnold tried to remain composed as he explained, “Hi, mom, hi, dad. We got a few…unexpected visitors…friends from my old school. You remember Helga, the girl that I tried to get out of the way of the speeding truck, but both of us got hit instead?”

Before they could reply, Helga broke out of the girls’ embrace, stood, ran to them, and hugged them tightly, much to their surprise.

“Miles!!! Stella!!! Please!!!” She looked up at them. “Please tell me you remember!!! Please tell me you remember everything!!!” She would have collapsed at their feet if Stella hadn’t held her tightly against her.

The parents looked at each other, then at their son, their nephew, their girlfriends, and their friends for any type of clue as to what was going on, but everyone was just as in the dark as they were.

“Um…Helga…honey,” said Stella, confused but as motherly as she could. “We can try to remember…if you first tell us what it is we’re supposed to be remembering.”

Helga focused on the kind and confused woman’s face, straightened up, sobbed a few more times, wiped her face, and took a deep breath. “Okay…but…we need to sit down. It all started when I woke up this afternoon, but…it’s a long story, and you and Arnold need to hear it.”


	10. 1000 – A PARENTAL TALK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Probably the best parenting Helga has received in her life, no thanks to Bob and Miriam. And Stinky finds out the truth.  
> I originally had this chapter joined with the previous one, but then I realised that the talk was an independent scene that could exist as a separate chapter without breaking the rhythm of the narrative.

A few minutes later, once Helga had finished crying and calmed down, they sat around the round dining room table. The adults were at Helga’s left, Arnold and Ruth were on her right, Stinky, Arnie, and Lila were in front of her, and the older boys were standing against the walls, and everyone was focused on the blonde girl.

Helga began her spiel, “What I’m about to tell you is something I myself wouldn’t believe, either, not if it had never happened to me, but considering how complex the universe is, and how little we know about it, please, _please_ hear me out before you call the men in white with the straightjackets.”

She sighed.

“Several hours ago, I woke up in the hospital. Apparently, I had been in a coma for three months because I got hit by that truck that also hit Arnold. However, the place I woke up in is _not_ the same place I fell asleep in.

“In fact, when I last remember falling asleep, I wasn’t even in the hospital, or in front of our school. I was…um…in Sunset Arms,” she blushed. “On a couch,” she quickly added. “And I had never been hit by any speeding ice cream truck, either. All the changes I’ve seen couldn’t have happened in the space of just three months, not from my point of view. My friends here tell me that I _could_ be from a parallel universe, and while that concept may seem like science fiction to you—to me, even—it might explain why I have different memories of everyone than everyone else has of everyone, including me.

“For starters, in ‘my’ universe, Mr. and Mrs. Shortman, you studied anthropology and archaeology, and you two met during a dig in San—um—in Central America. The…country that the dig was in doesn’t exist in this universe, but trust me, where I came from, I got the passport stamp, the plane ticket, and some money from there too, as souvenirs. I didn’t bring them with me, so I can’t prove anything, but that’s beside the point.

“I don’t know if you two ever wanted to become archaeologists, but where I come from, you did, and you got married in Central America, and you even had Arnold there, too. He was born during a volcanic eruption, which suddenly stopped the moment he took his first breath.”

Arnold blinked out of sync, intrigued, and sat up straight at that statement.

The adults, meanwhile, could only stare at Helga.

_And suddenly, for no apparent reason, both began feeling as if something had been missing from their lives, but never knew so until now._

“You came back to Hillwood to give Arnold a chance to grow up ‘normally’, but you had to leave him here with his grandparents because a friend of yours begged you two to go back to Central America to help save a jungle tribe from a horrible epidemic.”

She looked at them and started to dig for answers. “Do you know anyone by the name of ‘Eduardo’?”

Miles and Stella looked at each other, and the man turned to the girl, bewildered. “I know an Eduardo García. He studied archaeology—” Helga’s hopes rose. “—but he has focused his research on North American tribes. The farthest south he has gone is Arizona and New Mexico, and he has even ventured to Canada and Alaska, but he has never gone to Latin America.”

Helga’s hopes were dashed again. Still, her stubbornness surged, and she insisted. “Okay, then, do the following terms have any meaning to you? ‘San Lorenzo’? ‘El Corazón’? ‘The Green-Eyed People’? ‘La Sombra’? ‘Pink butterflies’?”

No reaction.

“A sleeping disease that affects insects and people? Having to find the cure for that disease?”

The two adults looked at the girl for a minute, and then Stella reached out to hold her trembling left hand. “Helga, we haven’t been to Latin America, either. We both considered studying archaeology, but we figured it would be better to go for psychology and help people who are alive right now. As for the travels we have done, we’ve mostly gone to New York, Seattle, Miami, Chicago, and other big cities where children and teenagers need help. As for those terms you said, I’m afraid we haven’t heard of any them. Are you sure we’re supposed to know of them?”

Helga tilted her head back in defeat. “In ‘my’ universe, you do. But—” She looked at them and made another desperate attempt to find an answer. “Perhaps, do you remember any sudden event, a sudden change of plans, something that happened at the last moment that forced you to do something different? Anything traumatic? An accident, a disaster, a sudden feeling of not being all there, something telling you that something wasn’t right, or suddenly feeling that things are much different from the way you remember them? A _déjà-vu_ that just wouldn’t go away? Anything like that?”

The parents looked at each other again for a moment, and Miles said, “The closest thing I can remember is almost not asking Stella to marry me, but that was only because she wanted to live in Los Angeles while I wanted to try Chicago. But, all of these changes you mentioned, you…‘remember’ them?”

She sighed, knowing she was shot down again. “Yes, I do. Where I come from, we never got hit by an ice cream truck. Arnold and Ruth never got together because he never bought that keyboard. Lila and Ruth never moved here because Phoebe never became a bully, and my fifth-grade friends here are the bullies of the school, and if you three have girlfriends here—” She turned to them. “—you don’t have them there. Not to mention that in ‘my’ world, Phoebe is such a nice and meek girl that she was Gerald’s girlfriend.”

All the kids and the young couples sat and stood back at those statements, glancing at each other with slight confusion and even fright at what could have been for them.

“Really?” asked Arnold, leaning forward.

She ignored his question and turned to the older girl. “I don’t know where you ended up, Ruth; last I heard you ran off with a busboy after you ditched Arnold on your failed date—yes, you had one date, and it failed.”

The couple looked at each other again.

_Were they actually destined to be together?_

Helga continued, “Bob and M—um—my parents never moved out of Hillwood, Bo—my dad never sold his store, obviously because I never needed to go to the hospital—” She didn’t tell them she was now a ward of the state because she knew that, as social workers, Miles and Stella would immediately stop the conversation and turn her in right there and then. She turned to the parents, “—and you two…you had to stay in Central America, in the country I know as ‘San Lorenzo’, because there you had to help a jungle tribe that was going through an epidemic of a sleeping disease. We had to rescue you, eventually, but yes, you came back and reunited with Arnold after nine years. Sunset Arms never got sold or torn down. You never moved here but stayed with us in Hillwood instead. You might be social workers here and you help people, yes, but—” She took a deep breath. “Where I come from, you’re national heroes, and so is Arnold. He’s practically a demigod, according to that jungle tribe.”

The boy blinked out of sync. What she said was unbelievable, but at the same time…it wasn’t…

_A demigod???_

“And that…that is how everything is in ‘my’ universe.” She couldn’t bring herself to say that she wasn’t Stinky’s girlfriend, lest another heart be shattered in “this” universe, much less say that she and Arnold were a couple, since that could bring feelings of jealousy on Ruth. “And that’s why I was hoping that you would have _some_ memories of what I remember, because if you did, then that might have been a clue as to how I can get back home…” _Where I still HAVE my home._ “But…you can’t have memories of a country you never travelled to because it never existed. Um…” she suddenly thought of something, and grasped at straws. “Have you had any strange dreams that remind you of _anything_ I said?”

“Not any that we can remember,” said Stella. “I think I once dreamed about Arnold being born inside an abandoned hotel, but that was it. Now, Helga…” She leaned closer to the desperate girl, squeezed her hand, and changed the conversation. “Have you talked to your parents about this?”

“Do they know where you are?” added Miles.

_Puh. I guess that for all their “social work”, Bob and Miriam managed to stay off their radar._

“I…will tell them about this tomorrow,” she quickly said and kicked Stinky under the table before he could say that she was very much an orphan right now, and the boy winced to himself, almost shedding tears. “I…might as well go back to Hillwood…I’ve…bothered you enough.” She was about to stand—

“Helga, wait,” said Stella suddenly.

“Y-yes?”

“Helga, you’ve had a long day, and it’s almost dark. Would you like to stay here with us and go back to Hillwood in the morning?” There was no way they were going to leave alone a distraught child who looked so lost and helpless. “It’s a bit late to go back now and then have to explain the whole thing all over again to your parents.”

_Puh. As if Bob and Miriam would care. Maybe I should find Olga after all. Since neither Miles nor Stella can help me, I’ve got nothing left._

The blonde girl took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “But I feel okay now, really…I know confession is good for the soul, and I feel better after letting everything out to people who won’t think I’ve lost my marbles.” _And there’s no way Ruth would ever let me stay with Ar—_

“She’s right, Helga. You have bags under your eyes from all that crying. You really should stay here tonight.”

The blonde girl did a double take at Ruth.

_Wow, she really must trust Arnold if she’s okay with me staying overnight with him!_

She accepted the offer, however, since she didn’t want to arrive in Hillwood when it got dark. “I…I suppose I can stay here,” she said with resignation, fully defeated. “Maybe you’ll remember something, or dream something, and we might find out something tomorrow.”

“Ah suppose we’d better hightail it outta here,” said Stinky, turning to the other boys.

“Yeah, if we don’t get home soon, our parents are going to give us an earful,” said Wolfgang. “Well, Helga, we did all we could. Good luck.”

“There wasn’t much you could do,” she sighed as they all stood and walked to the door. “And right now I doubt anyone can help me.”

“Hey, like you said, someone might dream something that will help you get back,” said Harold.

“And from what you told us, it just might happen,” added Arnold.

Helga smiled at her non-boyfriend.

_Wow, he didn’t lose his optimism in this universe—_

Her thoughts were interrupted when Ruth suddenly hugged her boyfriend and kissed his cheek. “Ever the eternal optimist, hon!”

“That’s who I am,” he smiled at her.

Helga could only sigh as the lump in her throat and the hole in her heart threatened to bring another meltdown.

Total defeat never felt so devastating.

_At least he’s happy here._

“Okay, thanks for having us, Mr. and Mrs. Shortman,” said Wolfgang, waving at the couple, and the others also repeated their gratitude to the adults, who smiled and nodded in response, and the fifth-grade boy led all the youngsters out, except for Arnold.

However, just before Wolfgang opened the door, the plethora of dogs and cats suddenly ran through the house and dashed out the door the moment it opened, surprising all the visiting boys.

_Do they go in the back door or what?_ thought Helga, but since no one said anything, she didn’t bother to ask any questions concerning that.

Lila and Arnie went to their respective homes, and Ruth kissed Arnold good-bye before leaving the house and walking back to her home. However, the non-bullies walked ahead, leaving Stinky behind with Helga, and the tall boy waited until the others had left them alone in the front yard.

“Aren’t you going home, ‘Steven’?” she asked him.

Then, much to her surprise, Stinky turned, grabbed her, and planted his lips on hers, hugging her tightly so she couldn’t escape.

Naturally, Helga gasped through the kiss and her eyes widened at his sudden display of passion. She didn’t dare hug him back, _much less kiss back,_ so she could only whine in surprise at how much Stinky loved his girlfriend.

Then, as quickly as the kiss began, it stopped.

Stinky pulled back and released her, eyes wide, almost staggering away from her in sheer terror.

“Somethin’…somethin’s not right…” he gasped in shock. “Yew’re…yew’re Helga…but…but yew’re NOT Helga…yew’re not…MAH Helga…Ah think…” The boy was suddenly very frightened at the sudden possibility that Helga could be right.

More angry arm waving. “Doi!!! That’s what I’ve been telling you all this time, ‘Steven’!!!”

He was almost hyperventilating. “We’ve…we’ve gotta help yew git back…n’ gotta git MAH Helga back!!! But…but how?” Helga’s urgency to go home had very much landed on him, now that he realised what had happened, and what was going on.

She gestured angrily at him. “Look, Stinky, you can’t do anything else. Just…go home, and hide that dress, okay? Your…your Helga is going to need it once I go back. She’s going to need you more than ever, too, once she finds out what Bob and Miriam did to her. And…whatever happens…” she took a calming breath and smiled at him. “Thanks for your help. She sure is a lucky girl to have you. I’ll call you if something comes up, okay?”

He had nothing left to say, so he just looked at the ground. “Oh…okay…good night…Helga…”

With that, the tall boy left, sad, confused, and quite afraid, too.

_He couldn’t bring himself to call her “luv” anymore…_

Practically radiating defeat as well, Helga turned and dragged her feet back to the house.

Once inside with the family, Stella asked her, “I’m about to prepare dinner. Do you want to help me? Do you need anything?” Despite not being a heroine, she was still a mother, and certainly the mother she remembered back in “her” universe.

Helga shook her head. “Apparently, I know how to make lemon pudding, or at least, the Helga of ‘this’ universe does. As for me…I…I don’t know how to cook…yet…so…I guess I’ll…just start taking over your couch right now. Oh, wait,” she suddenly said with an inkling of hope. “Do you have a notebook and a pencil or pen? I…might want to try writing. I’m not sure if I did that in ‘this’ world, but I did a lot of that in mine.”

“I can get you that,” said Arnold, and he went to his room to fetch the requested items.

_Ruth, you’re SO lucky._ “I’m glad to see _some_ things are still the same, even if they’re not in the same town. I…hope you don’t think I’m crazy, Stel—um—Mrs. Shortman.”

The woman stepped up to her and fixed a few blonde locks that had gone astray. “No, I don’t think you’re crazy. Believe me, I’ve met children and teenagers and adults who have been certified as ‘insane’, or ‘mentally ill’ if you will, and you’re nothing like them. We’ll do everything we can to get to the bottom of this and to get you to your right home, or ‘right universe’, if you will. But even if you end up getting ‘stuck’ here, we’ll make sure you are given all the help you need.”

Helga smiled. “Thank you.”

Stella only touched her hair, but that was a thousand times more affection than what Bob or Miriam had ever shown her.

Helga almost cried at that, too, as she felt a mother’s calming love in this storm of fear and helplessness.

* * *

Arnold came back and gave her a notebook and a black pen, though her heart again didn’t flutter when he did.

Helga thus sat down on the couch and tried to write something.

_Anything._

She stared and stared at the blank sheet in front of her, but she was totally empty.

_Crimeny!!! Venting everything left me completely high and dry!!! Or…I hope I didn’t lose my writing talent in this “bizarro universe”; that would be an even BIGGER disaster for me! Come on, Helga girl, this “bizarro universe” can’t have taken THIS way from you!!!_

But the more she stared, the more nothing came to her, and she sighed in defeat.

_Again._

Her stomach grumbled, but before she could complain to herself, Miles stepped beside her and announced, “Dinner will be ready in a minute, Helga. If you’re hungry, we’d be happy if you join us.”

She blinked and closed the notebook with a defeated sigh. “Sure, I’ll be right there.”

* * *

At the rectangular kitchen table, it was a simple dinner with corn on the cob, beef stew, and grape juice, but the Shortmans were rather appalled that the girl who, while trying to keep _some_ sense of _décor_ , was very much inhaling the food she had in front of her.

Helga looked at them.

“Whut?” she asked with her mouth full. “Nevah feen anyone haff dinner aft’r not eatin’ f’r free monfs?”

Miles and Stella and Arnold just looked at each other.

_This girl needed help._

_BADLY._

* * *

That night, Helga laid down on the couch, kicked off her shoes, and covered herself with the black comforter that Stella had provided. It was nothing compared to her bed, much less Arnold’s bed back in Sunset Arms, but at least it was one of the few times that she went to sleep with a full stomach.

As she lay there, looking at the night sky through the translucent curtains that adorned the windows, she wondered if her way back home would be the same way she arrived: by sleeping. It still had not been a full day since she appeared in this “bizarro universe”, so maybe she would disappear tomorrow afternoon? And where would she appear? In Arnold’s bed, at the exact time she left, and there they would continue making out? Or right after he pushed her out of the way from Jolly Olly Man? Or further in the past, or in the future?

_I suppose you COULD_ _call this a “sleepover”, even if I’m not in bed with Arnold…_

Not that she wanted to actually go inside his room. Chances are that he rebuilt his semi-high-tech room here, and it would be a near-perfect copy of what he had back in Sunset Arms, and if she saw it, she would very likely collapse in tears once again.

_Maybe this “sleepover” might help me go back to “my” world, or maybe I’ll be sent to a completely different world, and they all will wonder where I disappeared to in the middle of the night…_

She couldn’t think anymore; her mind was totally exhausted, and she had no strength to write, either. However, her full stomach gave her a delicious drowsiness that brought about a deep sleep in less than five minutes.


	11. 1001 – LATE NIGHT WRITING

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Putting thoughts on paper, at last.

A rumbling woke her up at midnight, but it wasn’t her stomach.

And it wasn’t so much a _rumbling_ as it was a _gurgling_ , not to mention that it was a bit lower down her abdomen, too.

_Crimeny!!! I think I ate too much, too fast, and too soon!!!_

The girl jumped off the couch and ran to the bathroom.

She had to repeat that trip three times that night, though after the third time, she decided to wait and see if her intestines had settled, or at least finished reopening after three months. Not to mention that it was a bit difficult trying to sleep in a strange house, now that her initial drowsiness had worn off. So, while she waited for the next signal of an imminent bowel movement, she turned on the lamp on her right, stretched, laid back on the armrest, grabbed the notebook and pen, and opened it to the first page.

As she expected, no poetry flowed from her hand, not without her locket, but would it even help her if she still had it? She had Stinky, in theory, and Arnold had Ruth. What possible inspiration could she draw from there?

Or maybe she didn’t need to write poetry right now. If what Torvald said was true, that she was indeed the second documented case of a traveller from a parallel universe, then maybe she would give him some semblance of evidence, something that wouldn’t disappear along with her, _if_ that should happen to her later on.

This notebook and the pen were from “this” universe, so if she disappeared, they would _not_ disappear with her.

With a resolute sigh, she brought the notebook close and began writing:

_Journal of Helga Geraldine Pataki, from the universe where San Lorenzo exists, who is currently in a universe where it doesn’t._

_Day 1:_

_I don’t know if this journal will disappear if and when I do, but in case I don’t disappear and go back to my world, like that man in the Tokyo airport, I might as well start making a written record of things, and I hope that this journal serves as evidence that parallel worlds do indeed exist, and we’re all at their mercy._

_Basically, I woke up in this “bizzarro universe”, some time before my beloved and I finally got together. I’m back in fourth grade again because it seems that I got transported here three months after I got beaned with a baseball and I got amnesia. The divergence, or connection point, seems to be that in “this” universe, I—well, the Helga of “this” universe—got run over by that idiot Jolly Olly Man, along with Arnold. He came out okay, but the other Helga fell into a coma. When I woke up, in the other Helga’s place, I found out that this wasn’t “my” universe because we never got run over by anyone in “my” world. There is no San Lorenzo here, and who knows how many other countries are also missing. I mean, crimeny! I don’t even know who’s president here! And Arnold…he’s not my beloved here. In this world he learned to play the keyboard, and he has RUTH of all people as a girlfriend! Arnie has Lila, but she moved to his town to be with him. And it turns out that here, both are very nice girls. I wonder if that’s true in “my” world too if they were given the chance. But just as some girls are nice, some are total monsters! Phoebe, who was my best friend and one of the nicest girls in “my” world, is a tyrant here, and everyone will celebrate when she graduates and leaves P.S. 118 this summer. I pity whatever middle school, high school, and college she attends. The students at P.S. 118 were given SOME mercy in the fact that she skipped two grades and will be out of their hair soon. Also, here Rhondalloyd’s parents FINALLY made her go to a private school where she belongs, and I suppose Lorenzo followed her because no one has heard of him here. Arnold has his parents here too, but they’re not the rugged heroes I know. Here, they’re just social workers and occasional travellers. I suppose that’s okay, since they didn’t go to a forsaken jungle and meet a lost tribe only to fall into a nine-year coma. I’m glad that Arnold never felt the pain of not knowing where they were, much less not knowing if they were ever going to come home. So, here I am, in Arnie’s town, scared that I don’t know how I got to “this” universe, or if I can even leave, or if when I leave I will return to “my” world, “MY” Arnold, and “my” time, too. So much uncertainty is liable to kill someone, crimeny! The stress alone of finding out that my idiot parents are even BIGGER idiots here because they gave up on me and threw me at the mercy of the government…I’m surprised I haven’t gotten a heart attack or that my mind hasn’t disconnected from reality and given up on “this” world! Anyone else would have gone crazy! And what’s worse, I don’t even know if there’s a god in “this” universe I can pray to! I’ve never felt so helpless, so useless, so lost!_

_If this ever reaches “my” world, everyone, please know that I loved Arnold and Miles and Stella, and as for the rest of you knuckleheads, well…I find you tolerable. And yes, I miss bossing you around. If I ever get back, maybe I can try to find some good in you that I see in your counterparts here…and maybe I will try to be a better friend to Phoebe. I can’t believe that I actually feel very sorry for Gerald that he lost her in her power trip…crimeny, I’ve got to go back to warn them! And what’s worse, I can’t even kiss Arnold or hug him since he has Ruth for a girlfriend now, but…he is happy with her, they are happy together, and…that’s all that matters now, in “this” world, at least. I mean, it’s not as if I can get him back; after all, the Helga here has a girlfriend too—Stinky of all people! But I don’t want Stinky! I just want “MY” Arnold, that do-gooder, son of do-gooders, awesome swimmer, karate boy, non-keyboard player, born in the jungle during a volcanic eruption that he also stopped, too! He’s practically a supernatural boy, and he was mine! Or…_

Helga suddenly realised something.

_…maybe this is some curse of the Green-Eyed People? A repercussion for losing El Corazón? Something La Sombra did to get his revenge on us? Ugh, there are so many questions, but there are no answers here because San Lorenzo doesn’t exist here! Crimeny, given how topsy-turvy everything is in “this” universe, I wouldn’t be surprised if La Sombra ended up being a church pastor!!!_

_Maybe the answer will come to one of us in a dream, IF we dream anything at all, or someone might remember something we can’t think of right now, or maybe I’ll go back to “my” world in my sleep and I’ll find myself again in my lover’s arms, right where I left._

_Please…someone, ANYONE, help me! Help me because I can’t help myself at all…_

The girl slumped back, fast asleep, letting the tear-stained notebook and pen slip from her hands and onto the floor.


	12. 1010 – MONSTER CHASE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At last, a long chapter! The action picks up again here.

_A flash of light…_

_A blaring truck horn…_

_Suddenly turning to her left…_

_An ice cream truck inches away from her and getting closer at high speed…_

_Being shoved from behind…_

_Arnold screaming her name…_

_The screech of tires…_

_A horrendous blow on her left side, her head whiplashing and being bashed by the grille of the truck…_

_A rushing darkness…_

_A flash of light…_

_A blaring truck horn…_

_Suddenly turning to her left…_

_An ice cream truck inches away from her and getting closer at high speed…_

_Being shoved from behind…_

_Arnold screaming her name…_

_The screech of tires…_

_A horrendous blow on her left side, her head whiplashing and being bashed by the grille of the truck…_

_A rushing darkness…_

_A flash of light…_

_A blaring truck horn…_

_Suddenly turning to her left…_

_An ice cream truck inches away from her and getting closer at high speed…_

_Being shoved from behind…_

_Arnold screaming her name…_

_The screech of tires—_

Helga woke up with a gasp.

_Please let me be home, please let me be home, please let me be—_

Examining her surroundings, she was still in Arnold’s house in the dairy town east of Hillwood, “the boondocks”, as she called it.

_Drat._

And then the dream came back to her.

_Wow, is that what happened to the Helga here? I’m surprised she wasn’t in a coma for a whole year, crimeny—!_

_Wait._

Why did she dream about the other Helga’s accident? Back in “her” world, Arnold pushed her away just in time, but here, apparently, he was one second too late, and Jolly Olly Man hit them both.

_So why did I dream of something that never happened to me? Was that nightmare just a rehash of everything Stinky and Arnold and that creepy doctor told me?_

_Or…was that an actual memory of the other Helga?_

_And if it is, how did it end up in my brain? Or is the other Helga trying to communicate with me from “my” universe?_

_Will I go back once the twenty-four hours are up, like that man Torvald talked about?_

Her internal questions were interrupted when the doorbell rang. She blinked and saw Arnold, fully dressed, walk into the living room and head for the front door, followed again by all those dogs and cats.

“Good morning, Helga. I’ll get you some breakfast in a moment. Just got to see who’s at the gate.”

Normally, her heart would flutter at the sight of her beloved walking so close to her, but given that he had Ruth, and she “had” Stinky, there were no more flutters left inside her at all.

_Her heart was irreversibly shattered._

“Whatever floats your boat,” she murmured as he and the animals left the house. Even her insults and condescension had no more fire left in them.

There were simply too many questions, zero answers, and no one to help.

_She was totally broken._

Helga sighed and pulled off the comforter. When she sat up, she saw that the notebook and pen had been picked up and placed on the lampstand, and the lamp had been turned off too—obviously done by either Miles or Stella.

Mechanically, she pulled her shoes on, stood, and walked up to a wall mirror where she redid her pigtails and smoothed down her—or rather, Stinky’s—plaid shirt. She was finished when Arnold came back with his visitors.

_Lila and Ruth. AGAIN._

Both were carrying what appeared to be makeup cases.

_Crimeny, those two are so nice here, I can’t bring myself to insult them like I used to. What is happening to me?_

“Good morning, Helga,” Ruth smiled at her. “Sleep well?”

“Just peachy,” she grumbled. “If you call having a nightmare repeating in your head over and over like a broken record ‘sleeping well’.”

“What? You too?” asked Arnold, suddenly stopping at the kitchen entrance.

The blonde girl did a double take at him. “Huh? What do you mean, ‘you too’? You had a nightmare too?”

The boy’s shoulders sagged slightly. “Yes. I’ve had them ever since the accident. They all vary, but it’s basically the same theme. And believe me, it’s getting so old that it’s not even scary anymore, just…annoying.”

She raised half her eyebrow again. “What…what did you dream?”

Arnold looked at her, then at his guests, and replied, “I’ll…I’ll tell you during breakfast. Mom and Dad already left for work, so I guess I’m in charge of you for now.”

She didn’t bother arguing with him about that.

_Well, that’s better than not having anyone, or having Bob or Miriam or Olga, in charge of me._

* * *

It was a simple breakfast of cereal, toast, and eggs. The television—a small set placed on the kitchen counter in front of them—was on, playing cartoons, reruns from Helga’s point of view.

Arnold explained, “More than a nightmare, it’s basically the last thing I remember before the truck hit us. Sometimes it starts right when you’re crossing the street, sometimes it’s on a different street, sometimes it’s a train shaped like an ice cream truck, sometimes it’s during the morning, or afternoon, or at night, or in a haunted amusement park, or I might be having a normal dream and suddenly the truck interrupts it by showing up and running everyone over. Dad said that it’s part of a ‘post-traumatic stress syndrome’ and that it was normal and that eventually they would stop…” He looked sadly at his cereal. “But they haven’t stopped.”

Helga swallowed a spoonful of cereal. “Wow, Footb—Arnold, I think your dreams are bleeding onto mine. I had a similar dream too, getting hit by a truck, and it kept repeating over and over.”

“That should be expected,” said Ruth before her boyfriend could bewilderingly ask Helga for a confirmation. “If Arnold has post-traumatic stress syndrome because of that accident, it’s reasonable that you should be having it too.”

“But…is it normal for us to have the same dream?” asked her puzzled boyfriend.

“It was the same accident, so…I guess?” Even the sixth-grader seemed uncertain.

“Puh. I wonder if Jolly Olly Man has this same problem; he _did_ hit two kids, you know. Though I do wonder why I got that nightmare, considering I appeared yesterday and not three months ago, so I shouldn’t have that memory, unless ‘your’ Helga is trying to speak to me through dreams.”

Lila blinked, did a double take, and swallowed some cereal. “Wait…wait, are you sure?”

Helga turned to her. “Am I sure of what?”

“Are you sure you appeared here _yesterday?_ You don’t think you could have…appeared right when ‘our’ Helga fell into a coma?”

The blonde girl stopped eating, thought, and replied, “Well…yes! I _had_ to have appeared yesterday! If I had appeared three months ago, wouldn’t I have already been sent back, after staying for one day, and everyone here would be none the wiser?”

“Why would you have been sent back after one day?” asked Arnold, even more baffled and blinking out of sync.

Helga rubbed her head. “Oh, right, you didn’t hear Torvald’s idea.” She took a deep breath and explained, “Apparently, what happened to me happened to some guy in Japan during the fifties. But according to the legend, he disappeared one day after he showed up, along with everything he brought with him.”

“Maybe you couldn’t go back because you were in a coma?” pondered Lila.

_Crimeny, she’s worse than the Harold of “my” universe!_

She gestured at her. “But that would mean ‘your’ Helga has been in ‘my’ world for three months! If what’s happened to me hasn’t made sense until now, that theory makes even _less_ sense!”

“But why else would you have a memory of something that _didn’t_ happen to you?” asked the boy. “You have all those memories of things that we don’t remember and couldn’t have happened here; maybe that memory is a sign that you arrived at the moment of the accident?”

Helga scoffed and shook her head, “But why would I have appeared here three months ago? I mean…from what I remember, I was just…um…” She blushed again. “…lying in bed—no, on a couch, yes, _wide awake on a couch,_ I closed my eyes, still awake, and when I opened them, I was suddenly at the hospital! I never felt any blow or any pain! And if I _did_ appear here three months ago, that would mean that the ice cream truck—”

The blonde girl froze.

“Wait, I think—”

“Helga, you’re on TV!!!” blurted Ruth.

Her blood pooled at her feet as she turned and once again saw her likeness on the television screen— _her disguised likeness, too._

Arnold raised the volume with the remote control, and they heard Olga’s voice, “…last seen boarding a bus heading east. It’s likely my sister went to visit old friends in a dairy town, so if you see her, please call the number you see on the screen. Do not restrain or antagonise her. Despite her protests, she needs immediate medical attention, and she might be in need of an ambulance, too, so I beg all civil authorities and law enforcement agents to please use your kid gloves with her. If anything, she’s very likely a danger to herself. Again, if you see her, please call the number on your screen.”

What was worse was that the images shown were those of the bus depot in Hillwood, ignoring Stinky and the non-bullies, and instead focusing on Helga and her new outfit.

“Crimeny!!! Olga got the jump on me, but how?” She felt herself starting to hyperventilate, but Lila’s and Ruth’s reassuring hands on her shoulders fended off her meltdown.

Suddenly, Helga turned to Arnold and demanded, “I need your phone. NOW!!!”

Arnold and the girls jumped at her outburst, and he was so shocked by it that he could only shakily point at the green phone that was hanging on the wall next to the door of the kitchen.

Helga jumped out of her chair, almost knocking it over, ran to the phone, pulled out from her pocket the list of numbers Sheena had given her, and searched for one. Once she found it, she nodded, keyed it as quickly as her fingers could move, and waited as Arnold lowered the volume on the set.

“Stinky? Yes, it’s Helga…Wow, you saw that too…? Yes, she’s one step ahead of us. Don’t ask me how she did that.” She rubbed her head again. “In ‘my’ world she was a complete ditz who couldn’t tell when her boyfriends were cheating on her or using her to climb the corporate ladder.”

The others stood back at that.

“I’ve got an idea on how to return. It’s a longshot, but it’s better than nothing. Does the Safehouse still exist here…? Okay, perfect. And since we know Jolly Olly Man exists here too, I want you to do me a favour—wait, better yet, do ‘your’ Helga a favour, and get his route schedule…I don’t know!!! Get help from the others!!! They were perfectly willing to help me yesterday!!! Get help from the rest of the gang if you need to! Remember, this is for your girlfriend, okay…? Okay, I’ll see you in about an hour or two. You know where, and be ready to stay there a while with me, because I have quite a few questions for you.”

Helga almost slammed the handset down but remembered she was in Arnold’s house.

“What was that all about?” asked the boy. “Helga, wasn’t that your sister on TV? Why don’t you want to go back to her? Isn’t she with your parents?”

She smiled evilly and pointed at him, “Don’t worry your perfect little football-shaped head, Arnoldo.” Ruth almost balked upon hearing that insult. “I’m going back to Hillwood, and yes, I’ll be dealing with my family _in my own time and in my own way._ And no, I don’t need medical attention or an ambulance,” she cut him off before he could ask. “I feel perfectly fine, now that I’ve got a few decent meals in my stomach. I honestly feel like I can take on ‘this’ universe, or Olga, for that matter. As for her, she’s doing everything wrong; that’s why I wore a wig when I came to this town, okay? If she gets a hold of me, chances are that I’ll _never_ return to ‘my’ world!!!”

She paused to catch her breath and reassess her situation.

Lila, Ruth, and Arnold had more or less believed her to be from another universe, but none of them knew that here she was now a ward of the state, homeless, and her closest relative was hell-bent on taking her under her wing and very likely dismissing her trans-universal theories, or worse, Olga might think she had lost her mind and would thus commit her to the nearest psychiatric hospital. She had to “defuse” Arnold because if he was still the do-gooder she remembered, he would certainly be the first in line to turn her in to Olga.

“What do you mean by that?” asked Lila in shock. “Helga, she’s your family, and she’s ever-so desperate to find you!!!”

“Is she?” She whirled toward Arnie’s girlfriend, scaring her slightly. “Olga never bothered to visit me these past three months! While she was off teaching Eskimo children or chasing losers, I—or the ‘other’ Helga—was in the hospital, all alone, and the only one who visited was Stinky!!!”

“But what about your parents?” insisted Arnold. “Why aren’t they on TV asking for help while they look for you? And why didn’t they visit you at the hospital?”

She pointed at him again. “My parents…” She had to make this sound plausible for him. “…are allergic to some hospital disinfectants—and believe it or not, they’re germophobes, too. But don’t worry, they know where I am, and they are preparing my room in our new house. For some reason, Olga _thinks_ that she can just appear out of nowhere and micromanage my life because it makes her feel like she’s morally superior over everyone. That’s why I need to go back to Hillwood without Olga knowing, because if Olga gets to me first, she’s going to make us go through a complete and totally unnecessary ordeal of pointless medical visits and useless legal paperwork—she’s probably going to sue Jolly Olly Man and his company too, I bet—not to mention that _if_ I mention to her the possibility that I am from another universe, she’s going to shut me in a padded cell next to Curly’s, and right now I just want to go _home_ —” Her voice almost cracked here. “And I at least want to prepare my parents and get everything ready for when ‘your’ Helga reappears, and Olga is going to ruin _everything_ if she gets her way. Do I make myself clear?”

Arnold looked at her in the eye and blinked out of sync.

“So you’re _not_ running away from home?”

She also looked at him in the eye. _I don’t have a home to run away from, Bucko._ “No, I’m not.”

“You really _are_ going back to Hillwood?”

“That’s where this whole mess began. That’s where I _have_ to go back.” _And test my theory._

“You just…need to sneak back?”

“I wouldn’t need to sneak if Olga wasn’t involved.”

He blinked out of sync.

And he blinked again.

“My parents are _not_ going to give me an earful for letting you leave this house, I hope?”

“If they say anything, just tell them I got up bright and early, went back to my parents in Hillwood, and you saw the TV alert long after I left.” She sighed, and pleaded, “Arnold, I need your help to get back home. Please help me get back home.”

He looked at her and blinked out of sync again.

“What is it that you need,” he finally asked, though with some slight trepidation.

Helga smiled, ecstatic that he had complied. _Always the do-gooder, Football Head. I’m glad you decided to do good to me instead of Olga._ “Well, first, I need a new outfit, but I don’t think you have any pants my size.”

“No, but I have something ever-so better!!!”

Everyone turned and looked at Lila as she clapped happily at her own idea.

“Can you get an outfit in five minutes or less?” asked Ruth, also deciding to help their friend.

“I ever-so can! Be right back, Helga!” With that, Lila dashed out of the house, not giving time for the dogs and cats to come around and run outside again.

After the screen door bounced closed, Ruth turned to Helga. “I guess we can alter our plans just slightly, Helga. We were going to give you a makeover—you know, just a morning with us girls together—but I think I know how to pull another fast one on your sister.”

“Does that have anything to do with all that makeup you brought?” asked the blonde girl.

“Oh yes. But like I said, there’s been a change in plans. Now, as soon as Lila gets back with your clothes, I’ll be going to my house to get you one last item to fool your sister,” she pointed at her.

“What are you going to get?”

* * *

Ruth and Lila stood back at their finished work.

Helga was now donning a full-length blue denim dress and a solid long-sleeved light-blue shirt. Her blonde locks were hidden under a women’s long black wig—courtesy of Ruth—and her blue eyes were hidden under brown contact lenses—also courtesy of the sixth-grader. Her pale-white skin—lower legs, hands, forearms, neck, and face—was hidden under a hefty dose of light-brown makeup, and her eyebrow was cut in half thanks to said makeup.

“I don’t believe this…” said Arnold, aghast at the sight.

“Now you’re a Hispanic girl, and your name is Francesca,” declared Ruth.

Helga did a double take at her but didn’t argue. “Somehow that name fits me, I think…” she pondered.

“And you’ll ever-so need this, too.” Lila handed her a small black purse.

“Wow, you two thought of everything,” she said, taking it and placing the notebook and pen inside. She also folded up the clothes she borrowed from Stinky, and as she placed them in the purse as well, she asked. “Say, are there any security cameras at the bus station?”

“I think there are,” replied the boy, still unsure of the whole plan. “How are you going to sneak out?”

She smirked at him, “I’ll figure something out, Foot—Arnold. You just stay here and go play with your cousin. Now, you two,” she turned to the girls. “Let’s go.”

The girls headed for the door, but the boy suddenly said, “Helga, wait.”

The girls stopped.

Arnold walked back to his room and returned one minute later.

“You’re going to need this,” he declared and handed his non-girlfriend several bills.

Helga stared at the money he had just given her and asked with wide eyes, “You…you really _are_ trusting me with this, aren’t you?”

The boy looked at his girlfriend, then at his non-girlfriend, and explained, “Yes. I don’t know why, but I feel that I _have_ to trust you, no matter how wild and unbelievable your story is. It’s so unbelievable that there’s no way you could have made it up on your own. And…and when you told us your story last night, about what we did and what happened to us in ‘your’ universe, I…I felt as if I had forgotten something or even _lost_ something—something _very_ important—but I still can’t put my finger on what that something is. And…I have the feeling that if you go back, everything will be okay again, in ‘our’ world, and in ‘yours’.”

She looked at him for a moment and whispered, almost whimpering, “Th-thanks, Arnold. Not even ‘this’ universe could beat the do-gooder out of you. Now, ladies,” she turned to the others as she stuffed the money in her pocket. “Let’s go.”

Ruth and Lila nodded and left the house, again almost trampled by the dogs and cats who seemed to know when the front door was going to be opened. However, Helga stopped once she realised she was alone with Arnold.

The disguised girl looked at the blonde boy.

_Oh, how my heart longs to embrace you and never let go, to kiss you and have our tongues mingle again, to just dismiss everything and tear—_

She shook her head, blushing.

“Helga?”

With a sigh, she stepped up to him, gave him a light hug, and kissed his forehead.

The boy was rather surprised at even this light display of affection from her. “Huh? Helga, what—?”

She released the hug and hushed him with a finger on his delicious lips, “Arnold, whatever happens to me, be happy with Ruth, okay? I know you two love each other as much as ‘this’ world’s Helga and Stinky love each other. Never let each other go, and even if in the future you two don’t stay together, at least cherish the memories of the very special times you had together, _especially those at the swimming hole_. _”_ She smirked and winked at him on that last phrase.

Arnold stood back at that.

_And he blushed like never before._

“How…how did…how did you know—?”

The girl smiled, knowing that even in “this” universe he got just as much flustered as he did in “hers”.

“You did similar things where I come from, ‘Football Head’.”

He froze and paled at the sound of that nickname.

“Where…Helga…where did you hear that…that…name?”

She removed his cap and tussled his hair, much to his embarrassment, and replied, “Where I come from, I _invented_ that name, Arnoldo.”

She put his cap back, looked at him sadly, and finished with a sigh, “Good-bye, Arnold.”

She turned and left the house.

She knew she would never see him in “this” universe again.

And somehow, a still-stunned Arnold Phillip Shortman knew that as well.

_“Good-bye…Helga…”_

* * *

After a brisk walk to the bus depot, the girls did an abrupt turn and approached the building from behind, right after Lila caught sight of the security camera near the entrance. The trio walked toward the back wall, and then went around the left wall, stopping at the front corner, right under the security camera, out of its range.

A bus was parked in front of the building; its engine was off, and a few passengers were inside, apparently waiting for the driver to finish checking in at the station.

Helga noticed a black pick-up truck parked beside the bus, with a sign painted on the driver’s door that read “Hillwood Hardware”. The bus was between it and the building.

“How are you going to dodge the camera and give your sister the slip?” asked Ruth.

The disguised girl looked inside the window and saw a particular object. “You two just stay here, and don’t let the camera see you, otherwise you both will give me away as ‘the friends from this town I wanted to see’. Wait until the bus leaves, and then…just walk back the way we came, and go home. And…and…”

Helga hugged both girls, so glad that they were neither her rivals in love, much less her enemies.

“Thank you both for everything. Whatever happens to me, I’ll never forget you. Lila, be good to Arnie. Ruth—” She took a deep breath, and looked at her in the eye. “Be good to Arnold. Because if I somehow manage to hear in ‘my’ universe that you did wrong to him, I don’t know how, or where, but rest assured that somehow I’ll reach out between our universes and you will get acquainted with Ol’ Betsy and the Five Avengers, is that clear?”

Ruth looked at her.

“Who are Old Betsy and the Five Avengers?”

Helga almost facepalmed, but she didn’t want to ruin her makeup. “Ugh, never mind. Just…be good to each other, okay?”

“I will…and Helga, you’ll need a bit more of this.” Both she and Lila gave her a few more bills.

“Wow…thanks…” she said, quite surprised, stuffing the money in her pocket again.

Finally, with a nod, Helga straightened up, walked around the corner, and entered the bus station, making sure to keep her back toward the camera. She went up to the ticket window and asked the teller, a Caucasian man who was in his seventies, “That bus is headed for Milwaukee?”

“Yup. Leaves in five minutes.”

“Perfect. I’ll take a one-way ticket.” She handed him the right amount of money.

The teller looked at her for a moment and asked, “You travelling alone, kid?”

Suddenly realising her _gaffe_ , Helga quickly cleared her throat and pitched her voice lower, almost matching that of Stella. “Yes, yoo haff a problem with dat, _señor_? As eef I had enough problems being a meedget…”

The man blinked, and quickly apologised at the upset “Hispanic midget”, “Oh, no, _señorita_ , no, no problem. Here you go…” He handed her the ticket with a smile.

“ _Gracias_.”

Helga turned but didn’t walk out of the station. Instead, she headed toward the object that caught her eye when she was outside: a payphone.

Making sure that she kept her back to the camera, she picked up the headset, inserted a quarter, and dialled Olga’s number.

Not surprisingly, her sister picked up on the first ring. “Hello?”

With a perfect imitation of Miles’ voice, Helga asked, “Hello. You’re looking for your sister, a blonde girl?”

“YES!!! Have you seen her?”

“Yes. I just saw her board Bus Number 203. The bus already left and it’s headed east on the Ninety-Four, not sure where it will stop, though.”

“Oh, thank you, sir, thank you! May I have your name?”

Helga thought for a moment and said, “Craig. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have my own bus to catch. I hope you and your sister’s reunion is full of love. So long.” And she hung up, lest Olga rope her in to a pointless conversation.

_Crimeny, is EVERYONE_ _in “this” universe a complete pushover?_

She then finally exited the building, still looking away from the camera, and walked toward the bus, thankful that its door was on the side opposite the camera.

The image that the security camera picked up was that of a Hispanic girl climbing up the stairs of the bus, squeezing her way down the aisle, and then sitting on a seat on the right of the aisle, away from the camera, and that seat was covered by the curtain on the window opposite of it. About a minute later, the driver of the black pick-up truck walked out of the building, got in his vehicle, pulled away, and headed west.

Five minutes later, the bus driver, a middle-aged African-American, also walked out of the building, climbed on his bus, and turned on the engine. The bus roared to life, did a U-turn, and pulled away from the station, headed east.

Ruth and Lila sighed with relief, and sadness too, because for some reason, they had the feeling that they would not be seeing Helga again, or at least, not “that” Helga.

One hour later, Olga sped down the highway in her car, trying to catch up with Bus #203 down Highway Ninety-Four.


	13. 1011 – NEITHER FROM HERE NOR FROM THERE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another cut scene, this time with Helga. Short chapter, but not as short as the others.

Forty-five minutes later, the black pick-up truck drove down a Hillwood street, slowed down, and parked in front of Slausen’s Ice Cream Parlour. The driver got out and went inside to get something to eat, so he never noticed the disguised girl climb out of his truck and walk away.

Looking back at Slausen’s— _Boy, am I glad this still exists here!_ —and then at the street signs, she knew where to go.

With a full stomach and in full strength now, she powerwalked to “this” universe’s Safehouse.

Fifteen minutes later, she was in what was obviously a junkyard, at the entrance of the Safehouse, that is, the right half of the cab of a green pick-up truck. It was basically the same from what she remembered; maybe some doors and panels had different colours, but as long as it kept out the wind and rain and snow, it would have to do.

_This might have to be my home for a while,_ she pondered. _Or maybe even Mighty Pete, if it still exists here…_

Waiting for her at the main entrance was her “boyfriend”, who seemed a bit uneasy at having to be here. However, he didn’t recognise her, not even when she walked right up to him.

“Good day, ma’am,” he greeted her with a dismissive smile and turned his attention back to the street. He was obviously waiting for a white blonde girl with blue eyes.

“Crimeny! It’s ME, ‘Steven’!!!”

He did a double take at her and squinted. “Huh? Helga?”

She shook her head, “Sheesh, those girls _really_ know how to do a makeover! But yes, it’s me, the girl who replaced your girlfriend, okay? Now, does this place need a key or a secret knock to go inside or what?”

Still shocked, the boy replied, “Oh…no…not at all. Ah’ll open up f’r yew. Ah was mighty worried when yewr sister put out that second TV alert, but Ah’m glad yew’re okay, even if yew’re not exactly ‘mah’ Helga.”

“I’m…glad to hear that,” she replied, surprised that he still felt some affection for her, even if he knew she wasn’t his girlfriend.

He opened the cab door and let her go inside first. Once she did, he also climbed inside and locked the door.

The inside of the Safehouse was also basically the same as she remembered it: several “rooms” divided by junked cars, old doors, and broken appliances. An old blue couch and recliner served as furniture.

As they walked into the depths of her new “home”, she asked, “Did you get the info?”

“Yup.” He handed her a paper with street names and times. “But Ah don’t know why yew need Jolly Olly Man’s schedule.”

She sat on the right of the couch and dropped her purse on her left. “Let’s just say that I hope that he’s still speeding after three months.”

“Huh?”

She shook her head. “Never mind that. Look, ‘Steven’,” she looked at him as he sat on the left side. “I don’t know how long I’m going to be here. In fact, I’m not sure if I arrived in ‘this universe’ one day ago or three months ago. The thing is that I’m going to need a place to stay, and I can’t stay with Phoebe or any of the girls because if I do, eventually their parents are going to catch on and turn me in to Olga. And Olga _can’t_ know I’m here, otherwise she’s going to stop any attempts I make to try to return to ‘my’ world, or worse, she’ll send me to a funny farm, in the cell right next to Curly. Hopefully, this disguise—and a bit of cleverness on my part—gave her the slip, and now she won’t know where to look for me.”

The boy rubbed his chin. “Wow, yew’re even more clever than th’ Helga Ah knew, but Ah wonder juss’ how ‘n earth did yewr sister know yew had gone t’ Arnie’s…”

“Me too. I might be more clever than ‘your’ Helga, but for some reason, Olga is _also_ smarter and more resourceful here than what I remember. But look, that’s not important now.” She sat up and turned to him. “In a while, it will be twenty-four hours since I woke up at the hospital. It’s likely—not a sure thing now—just _likely_ that I’m going to disappear, like that man from…um…Endora? Pandora?” She still couldn’t get the name right.

“Andorra,” he corrected.

“Ugh, right. Anyway, if I do indeed disappear,” she grabbed the purse and pulled out the notebook. “Give this to Torvald. This is from ‘this’ universe, so it’s _not_ going to disappear with me, like all of that man’s stuff did when he got sent back to his world. It should give Torvald plenty of material for his national and international legends. By the way…” She then put the notebook back inside the purse and pulled out the clothes the boy had lent her yesterday. “Here are your clothes back. And thanks. I didn’t have time to wash them, so…sorry.” She handed them to him and began analysing the ice cream man’s driving route and schedule, though she thought for a moment how she was going to give Lila her dress back.

Stinky took his clothes, looked at her reading the sheet and asked. “So why do yew need his schedule?”

She didn’t look up. “Like I said, I have the feeling that I did _not_ appear here yesterday, but I _might_ have appeared here three months ago, either right before or right after ‘your’ Helga got hit. If that’s so, then I have an idea on how to get back but…um…” She huffed and looked away, slapping the sheet on her knee, somewhat nervous. “It’s…it’s going to be a mite dangerous to try.” She turned to him again. “That’s why I’m going to need your help, and Torvald’s and Harold’s and Wolfgang’s and Ludwig’s. We’re going to have to do a bit more research about parallel universes and how a person can travel from one to another, and hopefully we will find a method that will be _way_ safer than what I have in mind. And if this takes us several days, I’m going to need food, water, and a place to shower.”

“But Helga…darlin’,” he almost said “luv”. “Why do yew think yew appeared here three months ago n’ not yesterday? Wouldn’t yew have gone back th’ day right after th’ accident?”

“That I don’t know,” she shook her head. “As to why I didn’t return right away, I honestly don’t know that, either. There’s a lot we don’t know about parallel universes and all their quirks, and that’s why my experiment will be the last one we will try because it’s the most dangerous. In the meantime, we’re going to return to the library and get every single book about parallel universes, whether it’s science or science fiction. Their theories about going from one universe to another may sound crazy—maybe more crazy, maybe less crazy than the theory I have of how _I_ got here—but one of them just _might_ be right.”

She stood, took a deep breath, and grabbed her purse. “You with me in this, ‘Steven’?”

He smiled, stood, and held her hand. “All th’ way, darlin’.”

The girl nodded. “Then let’s go. And call the guys when we get there. We’re going to need a lot more eyes reading all those books.”

“Let’s go, then.”

The disguised girl and the tall boy left the Safehouse and walked toward Hillwood Public Library.


	14. 1100 – ANNOYED MONSTER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last cut scene with an Olga solo, I promise.

Olga was driving with determination down Highway Ninety-Four, anxious to catch up with Bus #203. It was already past 1 p.m., and she hadn’t seen any signs of it. She was wondering if she should stop and call for directions of just where that bus was headed, and she thought of doing that right when she entered another town.

No sooner had she done so when her cell phone rang. She quickly parked next to a dairy store and answered.

“You’re going the wrong way,” said her informer’s familiar voice.

Olga blinked. “What do you mean ‘I’m going the wrong way’? I got a reliable tip that Helga was on a bus heading east! The police should have caught up to it by now and stopped it, and Helga is with them, waiting for me!”

“She’s not in the bus. When you stop it, you will see. I would have told you this earlier, but parts of the highway you’re on have no cellular phone reception; that’s why the police haven’t been able to reach you either to confirm. You’re lucky I caught you when I did, otherwise you would have driven all the way to Chicago before realizing your mistake.”

The woman scoffed. “And just how do _you_ know she’s not in that bus? Are you just giving me the run-around? You were wrong twice already!”

“I’m _never_ wrong. The only thing that is making me _appear_ wrong is you jumping the gun and making Helga run away. Which, I might add, makes me wonder if I’m actually helping her. I can’t help but find it odd that your sister is running away from the only family she has left.”

Olga trembled with restrained anger and blurted, “How should I know why she keeps running? I always took good care of her, right until I left for college! Helga is scared and in need of a doctor; she’s just confused! And I’m going to find her! And if you _ever_ make another _insinuation_ that I may not have been a good sister to Helga, you can kiss your money good-bye, and that will be the end of our little association!!! Is that clear???”

“Very well. Go ahead and catch that bus, or the police, whichever you see first. According to you, your sister should be there, more than ready to jump into your loving arms, Miss Pataki. Call me when that happens.”

“I just will!!!”

Olga huffed angrily as she disconnected, and now, more determined than ever, took off after that bus, as fast as the speed limit allowed.

* * *

It was after 4 p.m. when she finally caught up with the bus in Milwaukee. She quickly left her car in the parking lot of the bus depot, ran inside, went to the arrival platforms, and stood just outside the door of the bus, waiting for Helga to exit, but she couldn’t help but feel uneasy after driving all the way here without having encountered any police car with her baby sister in it.

Could her informer have been right?

Two minutes later, the driver opened the door, and the passengers stepped out.

The last one to get out was the driver.

No Helga.

“Excuse me, sir,” she stopped the driver. “Wasn’t one of your passengers a nine-year-old girl? She probably looked like she was travelling alone.”

The driver replied, “Funny you should ask me that. About half an hour ago, I got stopped by a state trooper, and he said that he was looking for a passenger, a nine-year-old girl, like you said, but I told him that there wasn’t anyone like that on board. I let him search the seats, and he confirmed that she wasn’t there, and we continued on our way. And I just checked the seats again, like I always do, in case anyone fell asleep. There’s no one left inside.”

With that, he closed the door and went inside the building, leaving behind a flabbergasted older sister.

Defeated, disappointed, and humiliated, she just stood next to the empty bus for a few minutes.

Once she swallowed her pride and accepted her defeat, she slowly pulled out her cell phone, checked the last number that called her, and dialled.

Her informer deliberately waited until the seventh ring to answer, just to annoy Olga. “See what I mean? Now, are you going to listen to me, or are you going to let Helga get the best of you?”

“How…how did you know she wasn’t inside the bus?” she stuttered, flummoxed.

“It took me a while to verify and even longer to contact you. For some strange reason, Helga is a lot smarter and craftier than what I remember. But I’m sure that, as her older sister, she’s not smarter and craftier than _you_ , I take it?”

Olga huffed and squared her shoulders. “No, she’s not. I’m a college graduate, for crying out loud!!!”

“And she’s certainly _not_ smarter than I am. I know you don’t like being outsmarted, Miss Pataki, and _I_ certainly don’t like being outsmarted, either. Helga is _not_ smarter than us, so, if you _kindly_ follow my instructions, you will find Helga and will be able to give her all the help and ‘love’ she needs.”

The woman sighed and rubbed her left temple, “Okay, what do you want me to do? What do I need to do to find my sister?”

“Return to Hillwood. It will be dark when you arrive, so just get a good night’s rest. I will call you in the morning after I verify her current location, and then you can move in to take her into your ‘loving’ arms.” Pause. _“And you better have my money ready, Miss Pataki.”_

And the dial tone.

Olga set her phone on Stand-By again, put it back in her purse, and marched back to her car with a renewed sense of purpose, though feeling somewhat exhausted after a long drive. Moments later, she headed back to Hillwood.


	15. 1101 – PROSE AND POETRY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're getting into the deep stuff here.

_A flash of light…_

_A blaring truck horn…_

_Suddenly turning to her left…_

_An ice cream truck inches away from her and getting closer at high speed…_

_Being shoved from behind…_

_Arnold screaming her name…_

_The screech of tires…_

_A horrendous blow on her left side, her head whiplashing and being bashed by the grille of the truck…_

_A rushing darkness…_

_A flash of light…_

_A blaring truck horn…_

_Suddenly turning to her left…_

_An ice cream truck inches away from her and getting closer at high speed…_

_Being shoved from behind…_

_Arnold screaming her name…_

_The screech of tires…_

_A horrendous blow on her left side, her head whiplashing and being bashed by the grille of the truck…_

_A rushing darkness…_

_A flash of light…_

_A blaring truck horn…_

_Suddenly turning to her left…_

_An ice cream truck inches away from her and getting closer at high speed…_

_Being shoved from behind…_

_Arnold screaming her name…_

_The screech of tires—_

Helga woke up the following morning—

_Please let me be home, please let me be home, please let me be home—!!!_

She looked around and saw that she was still in the Safehouse of the “bizarro universe”, on the old sofa.

_Drat._

She pulled off the old patched grey comforter that was part of the items found in the Safehouse, sat up, adjusted her wig, and put her shoes on, pondering on the rather calm events of the previous day while she blinked away the cloudiness from the contact lenses, since she couldn’t take them off and clean them.

She had given the boys quite the surprise when they saw her disguise, but after the initial shock, she, Stinky, Harold, Wolfgang, Torvald, and Ludwig spent the rest of the day in the library, piling up on the tables books on theoretical physics, as well as science fiction, pouring over them, trying to find any answer of how to go from one universe to another. Helga, Stinky, and Harold were in the fiction section, while the fifth-graders were in the non-fiction section, dividing the work.

They were all slightly amazed that the library was quiet again, despite yesterday’s near-riot. The librarians and the patrons seemed calm, but they spotted a few of them occasionally giving the stink eye to each other.

Unfortunately, all they found were theories, theories, and more theories, all dealing with “wormholes”, “black holes”, and “additional dimensions” in the non-fiction section, and “stargates”, “portals”, “white holes”, as well as “magic” and other fantasy terms in the fiction section, or devices that required futuristic technology that right now only existed in the minds of science fiction authors.

Torvald’s suggestion to wait was very much debunked once the clock ran past 3 p.m. because Helga remained there, much to her chagrin, and to Torvald’s disappointment, since he was practically staring holes at her since 2:30, hoping he would see the moment she would get sucked back to her “original” universe.

And so, they continued reading, and reading, and reading, and what notes they took all added up to the same thing:

_It was just plain impossible now._

They all stayed right up to the moment the library closed, but by then, they had gone through all the books they found, and with no answer at all, they had no choice but to call it quits. So, with their shoulders hanging in defeat, they treated Helga to a dinner of fast food and bid their farewells for the day.

Stinky led her back to the Safehouse, and after making sure she had leftover non-perishable food, he left her there, making sure she locked the door.

_There was only one option left, but she needed a verification from Stinky in order to try it, and she didn’t want to bring it up yesterday, not until she was absolutely sure that all their other options were impossible._

_Because if she DID try it, it was going to HURT._

_BADLY._

She didn’t ask Stinky after they left the library because she knew everyone was exhausted. So, that evening in the Safehouse, Helga scribbled some hazy plans that involved Jolly Olly Man, but after several unsuccessful attempts to come up with something concrete she gave up, and just plain stopped thinking about anything because her brain was very much fried after all that research, and she fell asleep soon after.

Awake once more now, she took her notebook and tore out all the pages of her plans, since they made even less sense now that her brain had rested. Now with a clear mind—

_Waittaminute…_

Something suddenly came up in her head, something that she hadn’t been able to consider because of all her recent emotional distress. Now that she was calm, it practically jumped at her.

_Arnold shoved me to the other sidewalk because I was still pretending to have amnesia, because it was a ploy on my part to make him pay attention to me…_

_…because I was still chasing him, wanting him to be my boyfriend…_

_…and in “this” universe, Arnold was ALREADY with Ruth and the other Helga was ALREADY with Stinky…_

_…so, if “this” universe’s Arnold and Helga got hit by a truck at the exact same moment Arnold and I DIDN’T get hit…_

_…why was “this” universe’s Helga blindly crossing the street? She couldn’t have been faking it in order to get Arnold’s attention, because Stinky was already her boyfriend, so…_

_…maybe she still had amnesia that morning?_

_…maybe she and Stinky had a spat and she was trying to make him jealous?_

_…maybe she was just getting her revenge on Arnold and it all went wrong?_

_…hmm…_

She put her thoughts on paper once more:

_Journal of Helga Geraldine Pataki, from the universe where San Lorenzo exists, who is currently in a universe where it doesn’t._

_Day 2:_

_More than twenty-four hours have passed since I APPEAR to have arrived in this “bizarro universe”, but contrary to Torvald’s theory, I’m still here, and I didn’t get sucked back to “my” universe, like that man in Japan did. I’m starting to believe that I didn’t show up here yesterday, but three months ago instead, right when “this” universe’s Helga got hit by Jolly Olly Man. If that is so, then my way of getting back is going to be a bit more…dangerous…and perhaps painful…than what I feel comfortable with, but it might be my only option left. Still, it’s something I’ve got to try in order to bring the “other” Helga, Stinky’s girlfriend, back to his loving arms._

_I wonder what her life was like before Bob and Miriam gave up on her. Did she get along with them? With Olga? What about her friends? How is she doing in school? Was she close friends with Phoebe before her power trip? Was she happy here? Is she happy in “my” world, or does she miss her boyfriend, knowing that the Stinky in “my” world has already moved on since their candy bar days? Is she trying to fend off “my” Arnold?_

_Or…is she also trying to find a way to return here? Will I return even if I fail, but she succeeds? Is it possible for both of us to be stuck together in the same universe?_

_Hmm…perhaps I should write her a letter, in case she does come back the moment I return. If “this” universe’s Helga is anything like me, she just might write poetry too, so perhaps I’ll prepare for her a parting gift. I just hope it reaches her because she truly has nothing left in this world. It’s a real crime that Bob and Miriam didn’t bother leaving her belongings anywhere and just threw them away, or let them be buried under the rubble of their house. And there’s also something that got me wondering…_

_You know what? I think I will write that letter right now…_

Helga turned to the last page and began writing in earnest, pouring her heart to her other self. She was so involved in giving her words of encouragement and comfort that she didn’t realise that Stinky had been knocking and calling out her name outside the main door for five minutes.

She finished the letter, closed the notebook, put it back in her purse, and got up to let her “boyfriend” back inside, locking the door behind them.

The boy had brought a small single-serving box of cereal, along with milk, a banana, an apple, and a pear: he had brought her breakfast. He was carrying some notebooks as well, but Helga’s attention was solely on the food.

“Wow, ‘Steven’, this is the first time a boy has served me breakfast in bed,” she quipped, making him blush, as she sat on the right of the couch.

He sat on the left side, with the purse between them again, and tried to dismiss her teasing. “Ah…Ah…couldn’t bring yew more without mah parents gettin’ suspicious. Ah juss’ hope they don’t find yewr—um—mah girlfriend’s dress. Ah hid it between mah mattresses.”

“Good thinking,” she said, starting to eat the apple, now with much less urgency than yesterday. She then pulled out the notebook and said between mouthfuls, “I have in here a letter for your girlfriend; it’s on the last page. Make sure she gets it and reads it, okay?” Helga put the notebook back and resumed eating while she continued to examine Jolly Olly Man’s schedule.

The boy nodded, “Okay. After breakfast, maybe yew can go t’ Sheena’s or Nadine’s t’ shower, ‘cuz thar ain’t no shower here, unless yew wanna dump buckets o’ water on yewrself.”

_And naturally, going to Rhondalloyd’s is out of the question._

“I’ll think about that later. If I’m going to shower, I’m going to need to redo all my makeup, and I’m not sure if Sheena or Nadine can help me out with that.”

She continued reading the schedule but then stopped, turned to him, and asked, “Say, ‘Stenka’, did ‘your’ Helga ever write poetry?”

“Oh, yup!!!” he replied rather quickly, smiling and perking up at her question. “‘N fact, Ah brought some o’ th’ poems she gave meh. She even wrote short stories, too!” He presented to her a handful of notebooks of assorted sizes and colours, as if he were giving her Christmas gifts.

“Really? She wrote short stories? Maybe I ought to try those, once I get back…” She put the schedule sheet down, took the notebooks, and began leafing through them.

“These are th’ ones she gave t’ meh n’ let meh read…Ah…Ah brought them…t’ see if yew could remember…” he said with a twinge of hope, hands between his knees.

She stopped leafing through the notebooks, turned to him, and raised half of her eyebrow again. “Remember what?”

“Well, since we all saw yesterday that travellin’ between universes is nay-impossible, Ah…Ah was thinkin’…that…that maybe…” He fidgeted, trying to find the right words. “…that maybe yew _are_ mah girlfriend…n’…n’ maybe…maybe yew dreamed ev’rythin’…bout bein’ from another universe…n’…n’…”

“And maybe I’ll _miraculously_ remember everything and you’d get your girlfriend back?” she finished bluntly for him.

Stinky just blushed and looked away from her.

Helga stared at him, first with slight anger, then with pity. “You…really miss your girlfriend, don’t you?” she sighed, closing the other girl’s notebook.

He nodded silently.

She sighed and placed her left hand on his right shoulder. “Look, ‘Steven’, I don’t blame you for grasping at straws, given how much you love your girlfriend. But if my plan works, I promise you that you’ll have your girlfriend back, whether I’m from another universe or not. And…and if it _doesn’t_ work…” She took a deep breath, knowing that without Arnold, she practically had no other options here, and she didn’t want to break Stinky’s heart. “I’ll…I’ll try to be your new girlfriend here. You deserve that, at least.”

His eyes brightened somewhat, and he turned to her. “Yew mean it?”

“I’ll do my best to try, Stinky. I…just hope you can stand me.” It was her turn to look away with uncertainty.

The boy smiled at her with a slightly larger glimmer of hope. “Thank yew.”

Helga resumed reviewing the notebooks.

There were plenty of poems and quite a few short stories too, though none of them were from themes she was familiar with. While she focused on love, romance, and a certain football-headed boy, “this” universe’s Helga focused more on fantasy, urban settings, and wrestling, of all things. The handwriting was somewhat similar, with the occasional misspelling, pretty much the same as those in _her_ works, but as much as she tried, she simply couldn’t remember writing any of these poems or stories.

Until she saw a poem on the last page of a certain pink notebook.

The poem was titled “HELGA’S”.

And it read:

_H is for the Head I'd like to kick._

_E is for Every time I see that broomstick._

_L is Longing for our firstest kiss._

_G is for how Good that longing is._

_A is for Anxiously waiting for my boy._

_’S is that she is Steven’s and he is hers. Doi!!!_

She didn’t know whether to take that as a parody or a downright mockery of the poem she wrote about Arnold. And given that the page was still attached to the notebook, that meant that Arnold never read it in front of their friends, nor did the “other” Helga ever tear off the page and stuff it in her mouth.

_Crimeny! She DOES love him as much as I love Arnold!!!_

Slowly, she put the notebook down and turned to him. “I…um…she calls you _‘Broomstick’_?”

“Yup…” he whispered, eyeing her with hope and longing. “Yew…yew don’t remember any o’ that?”

She sadly shook her head. “Sorry, ‘Steven’, can’t say that I do. Except maybe this last one,” she lifted the notebook. “But it’s…somewhat…um…different from the one I remember writing. Still, I’ve got to remember ‘broomstick’,” she smiled. “It’s going to be a great insult for the Stinky in ‘my’ world…!!!…what?”

Helga noticed that the boy was glancing at her with a certain look in his eye, one she remembered from the Arnold in “her” universe.

She slapped the notebook on the armrest and rubbed her head. “Ugh, don’t tell me you want to kiss me again, Stinky.”

“Ah’d be lyin’ if Ah said Ah didn’t,” he looked at his feet.” Ah know that when Ah kissed yew Ah felt like yew weren’t mah girlfriend, but up ‘till now, Ah was hopin’ t’ be wrong…n’ maybe…maybe after readin’ all this, yew’d remember n’ want t’ kiss meh too.” He gave her an expectant look.

She shook her head and pointed at him. “Yeah, look, you surprised me two days ago, okay? And I’m sorry to say that no, I don’t remember any of these poems or short stories, except this last poem, which is _still_ written differently from what I remember, okay? It has the same structure, but it has an additional line, and maybe a different word or three. As for kissing me, look, I know you and your girlfriend have a wonderful relationship, but please don’t kiss me again. I know your girlfriend is not going to be kissing any of the boys in ‘my’ universe, so she probably won’t like it if you were kissing a girl that you _know_ is _not_ her.”

“Oh…okay,” he sadly agreed, and he quickly changed the subject. “But Ah still don’t know why yew needed Jolly Olly Man’s schedule.”

She put the notebook down and grabbed the schedule sheet again. “I was hoping I wouldn’t need it because if my theory is true, then the only way I can go back and get your girlfriend back is going to be a bit…” she cringed. “…painful for both of us, and it’s my last option because nothing we read yesterday can be done in any way, shape, or form. The thing is that, for some reason, I have ‘your’ Helga’s last memories of ‘this’ world before she fell unconscious, right at the moment of the accident. If those memories aren’t just random dreams, then that means that I _did_ get here three months ago, and _I’m_ the one who was in a coma for three months, not your girlfriend. And here’s where _you_ come in.” He leaned closer, as did she. “I need to ask you some questions in order to prove or discard that possibility. You see, when I first woke up here, the doctor said that I had surprisingly good muscle tone for a girl my age. So, please tell me: did your girlfriend play a lot of baseball?”

Stinky looked at her, thought for a moment, and replied, “She…she juss’ played as much as th’ rest o’ us did. Ah wouldn’t say ‘a lot’, juss’…maybe once or twice a week?”

She nodded. “Did she play _football_?”

He sat back, somewhat shocked at the question. “Football? Why, Ah…no! Ah don’t think Ah ever saw her play football!”

His non-girlfriend smiled, knowing she had the answer now. “Lastly, did she do any gymnastics? Or did you ever see her running around alleyways, streets, rooftops, or fire escapes? Running, hiding behind trees, or climbing trees to hide and spy or stalk on anyone? Snorkelling for maybe an hour or two, like a government spy?”

Stinky tried to reply; his jaw was moving up and down, but no words came out for the first minute. Finally, he blinked and shook slightly. “No!!! No, no, no, n’ no!!!” He hit his knee with his fist. “She never did any o’ that!!! Why would she have needed t’ do that? She was juss’ a normal girl doin’ normal things, juss’ like th’ rest o’ us!!! Is that what YEW did back ‘n yewr world?”

_PERFECT!!! I HAVE MY ANSWER…wow, he almost looks cute when he’s upset—_

She blinked and shook her head, trying to ignore her own love starvation.

“Y-yes, and that proves that I did _not_ arrive in this world two days ago, but _three months ago!_ Your girlfriend and I have similar bodies, but she wasn’t as athletic as I am because she never had to stalk or sneak close to the boy she loved. We switched universes three months ago, ‘Steven’, not two days ago, and the only way we can switch back is—”

“THIS IS THE HILLWOOD POLICE!!! COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!!!”

Both children stood in fright, almost losing control of their bodily functions at the gruff voice of a policeman with a bullhorn right outside the main door. Then, apparently someone snatched the bullhorn from the policeman, because they next heard:

“NO, STUPID!!! YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE HER RUN AWAY AGAIN!!! I’LL HANDLE THIS!!!”

Helga’s blood sank to her toes when she recognised Olga’s voice.

She suddenly turned to Stinky, grabbed his shirt, and snarled, “HOW THE FREAK DID OLGA FIND US HERE???!!!”

“Ah…Ah don’t know!!!” he whimpered, never having seen such fright and anger in her eyes, which he could swear flashed red.

_Nope, she’s definitely NOT mah girlfriend…_

Helga shoved him away—he almost fell, too—and frantically peeked out through every window she could find.

And outside every window there was a police cruiser parked and waiting.

_They were surrounded._

She ran up to him and whispered, “Are there any sewer openings here? Any secret exits?”

“Y-yes,” stuttered the frightened boy. “Go round th’ other room n’ move th’ couch a bit, th’ exit’s right—”

_CLANG!!!_

Both of them whirled and saw that the main door had been pried open with a crowbar.

They could only watch helplessly as Olga Pataki, holding said crowbar, entered and stepped down onto the dirt floor of the Safehouse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger!!!


	16. 1110 – SISTERS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's showdown time!!!
> 
> And we will FINALLY see who the mysterious informer is!!! Let's see how many of you guessed correctly... (Some of you are very intelligent, I like that in people. :D :D :D)

With a dull thud, Olga dropped the crowbar on the ground, as she didn’t want to seem aggressive to the children.

Both sisters eyed each other.

The first thing that Helga noticed was that instead of having it inside her purse, Olga had her cell phone clipped to her belt, on the right of her business skirt, and that one red LED was blinking.

The first thing that Olga noticed was that Helga was indeed disguised as a Hispanic girl, as her informer had told her.

The two stared at each other for a long moment, while Stinky stood to the side—the younger on his left and the elder on his right—unsure of what to do.

Finally, Helga spoke, “So, ‘dear’ sister, who ratted me out?”

Olga quickly “corrected” her with a failed attempt to sound loving, “Baby Sister, a _concerned friend_ of yours called me and told me where to find you. She seemed to be a very close friend because she knew a lot about you. And like me, she wants the best for you.”

The disguised girl crossed her arms and huffed. “Let me guess: Phoebe?”

The older sister clasped her hands in front of her and chimed with saccharine delight, “Oh, you remember her, Baby Sister! How wonderful!!!”

Helga waved off her delight, “Yeah, yeah. I guess she _does_ have eyes and ears everywhere. That’s quite creepy, you know. But tell me, Olga, how much did you pay her to find me? She _does_ know I don’t have a dime on me, right?”

Olga waved off her deduction. “Oh, Baby Sister, that doesn’t matter now. What matters is that we’re finally together once more! You have a family again!”

“A FAMILY???!!!” spat the younger sister, fists at her sides. “And where were YOU, the ‘rest’ of my family, during the past three months, while I was wasting away in a hospital bed? Were you teaching the ‘unfortunate’ Eskimo children, and then patting yourself on the back for going out of your way to be such a ‘loving and caring’ human being while Bob and Miriam threw me under the bus?”

Olga stiffened, and replied, “The correct term is _‘Inuit’_ , Baby Sister. Please remember that. As for why I wasn’t here, well…” She held up pleading hands. “Mommy and Daddy never told me anything! They never said they abandoned you! In fact, it was Child Protective Services who contacted me shortly after you woke up, and _they_ told me what happened!”

“Crimeny, how typical of Bob and Miriam…” The child almost facepalmed.

Her sister raised an eyebrow. “Baby Sister, why are you calling them by their first names?” _Even Stinky was wondering about that._ “Why don’t you call them ‘Mommy’ and ‘Daddy’, like you should?”

Helga chuckled with disgust and angry fists. “Are you freaking kidding me? Bob and Miriam never behaved like a Mom or Dad to me, all thanks to you!!! And they never seemed to mind when I called them that to their faces!!!”

“What?” The adult stood back at that. “What do you mean, ‘all thanks to me’? I never told you to call them by their first names!”

The girl huffed and shook her head in disbelief. “You just don’t remember, do you? It all started when I had to take _myself_ to my first day of preschool in the middle of a storm, all alone, while Bob and Miriam were too busy for me because they were listening to YOU play the piano for their amusement!!! Only ONE person helped me that morning…” Helga sagged again and opened her fists, “And he’s no longer with me…”

Stinky wondered who she was talking about and hoped he would be able to ask her later.

Olga, meanwhile, raised her hands and blinked, trying to gain control of the discussion. “Wait…wait…what? Baby Sister, what are you talking about? _I_ was the one who took you to Urban Tots on your first day of preschool!”

Helga blinked at her.

Half eyebrow.

And she blinked at her again.

“Wait, seriously? You mean ‘your’ Helga didn’t have that terrible morning?”

“Baby Sister, don’t you remember? I heard the door open and saw you about to walk outside in the middle of the rain, and I immediately stopped playing, scolded you for trying to go off on your own, and I took you to preschool myself!!!”

“Baby Sister” turned away slightly and held her head. “Wow, that would explain the resulting couples there are today…”

“And what do you mean ‘my’ Helga? YOU are ‘my’ Helga!!!” she stomped, trying to add weight to her words.

The child in question began to pace in front of her sister. “Olga, as crazy as this is going to sound, I am _not_ the sister you grew up with. And the explanation I’m going to give to you will very likely make you want to lock me in a padded cell, but if you _really_ cared for me—” she huffed. “If you have _ever_ cared for me—or for ‘your’ Helga, at least—then hear me out, okay?”

Both stood still, completely silent.

“Perfect, now we can begin.” The youngster nodded and resumed her pacing. “First, I know you’re not superstitious, but do you believe in the paranormal?”

“No, I don’t. You know that, Baby Sister.”

She slapped her hands at her sides, still pacing. “Typical. I guess you took after Miriam while I took after Bob, with him believing in aliens…”

_Daddy believes in aliens?_

“Well, I didn’t believe in the paranormal either, not until two days ago. And if _you_ don’t believe in the paranormal, _then you had better start believing NOW,”_ she almost growled at her.

“Three months ago, I wasn’t even in the hospital. I was in Sunset Arms—yes, it was still standing—in your average sleepover. I wasn’t even asleep, but suddenly I blinked, and I found myself in the hospital, in a completely different world. Where I come from, Bob and Miriam, while still being idiot parents, hadn’t given up on me. Phoebe was the nicest girl of them all. Arnold’s parents were archaeologists and explorers, having rescued a jungle tribe from a terrible disease, and they lived with him in Sunset Arms. They never moved away. You were off teaching Eskimo children—excuse me, ‘Inuit’ children— _and_ chasing loser after cheating loser. And I certainly was never hit by a speeding ice cream truck, and neither did Arnold nor I ever fall into a coma because of that. Somehow, I got sucked into this…” She raised her arms and looked at the ceiling for a moment. “…‘parallel universe’ and woke up in the wrong place and the wrong time. Trust me, if it hadn’t happened to me, I wouldn’t believe it either, but it did, and my friends—or rather, Helga’s friends—can back me up on this. So, sorry, Olga, I’m _not_ your sister. I’m not even sure where your real sister is, but maybe, _just maybe_ , I have an idea of how to get her back…and I will be able to go home as well.” She stopped pacing, tightened her fists beside her, and waited for an answer.

Olga stared at her “non-sister”, arms crossed, patiently listening, and after her exposition, she thought for a minute or two, nodded, and replied with dripping condescension, “Baby Sister, I don’t know who put that silly idea in your head. Whether or not ‘parallel universes’ or even ‘alternate universes’ exist, that’s beside the point, but did you ever consider that there is a much simpler and much better explanation to your problem?”

Helga also crossed her arms and replied with overflowing sarcasm, “Oh? Well, then, please, ‘dear’ sister, enlighten me, I’m all ears.”

The adult didn’t catch her sarcasm and just explained, “You have all the symptoms of someone with Dissociative Personality Disorder—”

“ _Really?_ I’ve gone crazy? Is that it?” She waved her hands again. “Wow, what could be simpler than me having multiple personalities? But, sorry, please, do go on,” she chuckled, crossing arms once more.

“Baby Sister, this isn’t funny!” She stomped again, fists at her sides. “And the term is ‘dissociative’, not ‘multiple’! The shock of you learning that Mommy and Daddy abandoned you caused your psyche to create an alternate personality, an alternate ‘you’, if you will, most likely based on a dream you had when you were in a coma and brought forth that personality while your original personality took ‘refuge’ inside yourself, to protect itself from the tragic reality of what happened to you. That ‘parallel universe’ you ‘came from’, Baby Sister? It’s all in your head. You never went alone to Urban Tots. There are no archaeologists in Arnold’s family. The Beeper Emporium is gone. Our old house is gone. And _I am the only family you have left!”_

Helga nodded too, almost chuckling at her sister’s explanation. “Okay, let’s go with that. Let’s suppose that you’re the perfect older sister who can read my mind so _clearly and flawlessly_ that you figured out everything that was wrong with my brain without even _bothering_ to read a book or take any notes down _or even asking me any freaking basic questions_.” Having been with a psychologist before, the angry child had a very good idea of what tools were needed for proper psychoanalysis. “And let’s suppose that you’re right and that _all_ the memories of _all_ my life, San Lorenzo, Arnold, his parents, the school, all the couples in fourth grade, everything, and _you_ , even, are nothing more than a figment of my imagination. Hey, it could be worse, they could all be a figment of your _sister’s_ imagination!” She pointed angrily at her and then waved her off. “But your idiotic theory does _not_ explain why all those memories take up nine years’ worth of memory space in my head, nor does it explain why I know some stuff about my friends and their families that they never bothered to mention to me.” She laughed. “And considering the fact that I learned that Bob and Miriam abandoned me ten minutes _after_ I woke up, well…face it, sis, your explanation is just as crazy and baseless as mine is.” She re-crossed her arms with an air of triumph.

“Be that as it may—” Olga countered, slightly upset. “—the bottom line, Baby Sister, is that currently, you’re a homeless orphan. I…” She spoke kindly. “I want to take you home with me. Once we go back to the hospital and the doctors make sure that you’re okay, I’m going to take you to a child psychologist to help you get rid of that horrible personality. In fact, I already know the perfect doctor!” She bubbled up again. “Her name is—”

“—Doctor Kathy Bliss…” they both said simultaneously, making Olga stutter stand back at her with shock.

“Y-yes…! How…how do you know her? You’ve never met her before!”

“Seriously?” Helga asked, raising the other half of her eyebrow, and then turned to Stinky. “She never worked as a psychologist at P.S. 118?”

“Nope, cain’t say that she has.”

She turned back to Olga. “I may have never met her in ‘this’ universe, but yes, I’ve met her in ‘mine’. Do you want me to describe her? Or shall I give you her number and her office address? How about if I describe the way she talks? Would you be convinced yet? Or shall I describe or predict events of this world that I would have no way of knowing? Would you still send me to a funny farm?” Helga snarled. “Or would you put me on display like a circus freak and charge admission to government officials?”

“HELGA!!!”

It was the fiery fourth-grader’s turn to uncross her arms and step back at her older sister. She had certainly never seen her this upset, so she was definitely _not_ the Olga she grew up with. But then she chuckled and quipped, palms on hips, “Wow, you actually have a backbone in ‘this’ universe!”

“Hel—Baby Sister, please, I promise you that no government official is going to lay a hand on you, no matter what Dr. Bliss says and no matter how you turn out. But please understand that Dr. Bliss is the only one who can help you get back to normal…” She then almost growled herself, “…and she’s the only one who can get MY sister back.”

The child began walking backward, suddenly frightened at the elder’s tone _and_ her suddenly malicious countenance. She raised her hands defensively. “Oh, no. If I go see a shrink, and if you are correct, that means that _I_ will disappear. And IF I disappear from ‘this’ world, it will be on MY own terms, you hear me?” She thumbed at herself. “And frankly, I would rather live in your sister’s head where ‘MY’ world is _than live out here with YOU!!!”_ She pointed angrily at her.

Carefully, Olga began walking toward her. “Baby Sister, please, be careful with what you say. I want to take you home, not have you committed—”

“—to a funny farm? Yeah, I figured that would be one of your options. But don’t worry, ‘dear’ sister. Once I do this experiment and all of this is over, you _will_ have your sister back, and you two will live happily ever after. I’m sure she’s _dying_ to come back here to you.” She mockingly shook her head. “Because I’m more than sure she’s getting fed up with just how condescending ‘MY’ sister is,” she thumbed at herself. “And she’s very likely getting a restraining order against Brainy!!!” She pointed furiously at a random window.

Stinky blinked again. “Brain—? Oh, right. Yew mean ‘Brian’.”

Olga had enough. She stomped her right foot again and declared, “Baby Sister, just stop!!! There’s no such thing as other worlds, or other universes!!! All of that is nothing but science fiction!!! It’s all in your head!!!”

Helga refused to be fazed. “Whether you’re right or not, I’m trying to bring ‘your’ Helga back. Though I can’t seem to do it by sheer willpower, so I need to take drastic measures—”

The adult begged with pleading palms, “Baby Sister, please! Dr. Bliss will be able to help you, you’ll be back to normal, and once you’re okay, you’ll be able to go to that finishing school in Alaska!” She finished with an enthusiastic flourish.

Stinky turned and glared angrily at Olga.

Helga’s jaw dropped as she stared at her sister.

_“WHAT…FINISHING…SCHOOL???!!!”_ both growled.

“Why, the one I signed you up for! You’re going to love it!!!” She hopped and lightly clapped her hands with excitement.

It was Helga’s turn to take an angry step toward Olga. “And just WHEN in this forsaken universe did I ever ask for that???”

Olga ignored her sister’s anger, _again_ , but continued explaining her oh so wonderful plan, “Oh, Baby Sister, you _didn’t_ ask for that. I know you needed it, so I signed you up, and if Dr. Bliss hurries, you’ll be able to start in the fall!”

Another angry step forward, and another angry finger. “And just WHEN did YOU decide that you could dictate MY future?”

She tilted her head lovingly at her. “Oh, right! I haven’t told you the big surprise! Since Mommy and Daddy renounced their parental rights on you, and since I’m your closest living relative, I am now your legal guardian!!!” She clapped with joy again. “It was a really big mess, but I got emergency custody of you yesterday morning!!!”

Helga finally facepalmed. “Are you freaking serious? And let me guess, it’s a _boarding_ school, right?”

Olga’s nod was dripping with saccharine happiness. “Those are the best, Baby Sister!” She clasped her hands against her cheek.

“Why am I not surprised—” She then suddenly stopped, realising something. She pointed at Olga. “Wait, you went to the hospital, right? Did you get every last item of mine that was still there? Did I have another change of clothes? Any notebooks? My locket?”

The adult blinked. “Huh? Baby Sister, everything you owned was next to your bed. And what locket are you talking about?”

Stinky turned to her, “Yeah, wut locket?”

“That’s right, Baby Sister. None of the hospital staff saw a locket on you all the time you were there. You have never owned a locket in your life.”

“N’ yew’ve never showed meh any locket, neither.”

Helga cringed and rubbed her head with both hands. “Crimeny!!! Your Helga was a total stick-in-the-mud if she never had a locket to put in it the picture of the boy she loves!!!”

Olga dismissed that comment, _again_ , and once more tried to regain control of the conversation with pleading palms, “Baby Sister, just…please come home with me. We’ll get that wig and all that dreadful makeup and those contact lenses off, and we can be the family you need!”

Helga’s arms and hands waved with even more fury. “What, for one week? And then you’ll toss me to that boarding school in the middle of the frozen tundra? I find it _very_ convenient that you _say_ you will be the family I need, but we both know that you will be so for a _very_ short time, and then you’ll _very conveniently_ drop me at the doorstep of that boarding school in the middle of nowhere, just like Bob and Miriam dropped me at the doorstep of the government, while you then go off galivanting to be a ‘heroine’ to ‘underprivileged’ natives, am I right?” She shook her head. “Crimeny, you really _are_ the daughter of Bob and Miriam Pataki!!!”

This was one of the few times when Olga’s fists paled, and her ears fumed.

“No! You’ve got it all wrong! I would visit you during the holidays!”

Her sister ignored that and continued, “I’d rather go back to _‘my’_ Bob and Miriam and Olga. ‘My’ Olga may have been an annoying idiotic pest, but she was never authoritarian, nor did she ever try to make me a clone of herself, _and she’s certainly not as selfish as YOU!”_ More angry pointing.

“So you are going to run away again?” challenged the adult. “Where will you go? You don’t have anything! And just so you know, it would be against the law if I let anything happen to you because I now have custody of you!!!”

The child chuckled. “So…this is all just to protect your butt, then? Do you _honestly think_ I’m totally helpless here?” She then crossed her arms, this time with smugness, and repeated with an exact imitation of Miles’ voice, “Yes. I just saw her board Bus Number 203. The bus already left and it’s headed southeast, not sure where it will stop, though.”

Olga gasped, slowly opening her purse.

Helga then spoke with Olga’s exact voice, “Don’t you think CPS is wondering why I keep running away from you? What do you think will happen if they get a call from ‘you’, ‘confessing’ to them what _really_ happened at home?”

She stood back, grabbing tightly something inside her purse.

The trans-universal visitor finished with a smirk, hands on her hips, and with Phoebe’s exact voice, “Or maybe someone will call you with information that you won’t be able to tell if it’s true or not?”

Helga was quite sure she heard someone gasp on Olga’s phone.

Olga, meanwhile, could only blink and shake her head for a moment and then stuttered with absolute shock, “Since…since…how long have you been able to do that???”

She stepped forward defiantly. “ _‘Your’_ Helga can’t do that, but _I_ can. And like I said, I’m going to bring your sister back. Unfortunately, it’s going to hurt like h—”

Olga pulled out something from her purse.

Stinky had seen her reach into her purse seconds before.

Olga aimed a black taser at her sister.

Helga blanched, wide eyed and open mouthed.

Olga was suddenly shoved to the ground by Stinky, right when she fired, sending the electrodes to Helga’s left the moment she flinched to her right, dropping her wig, while the electrodes implanted themselves on an old door behind her.

The taser clicked rapidly for a few seconds and then fell silent.

With anger-fuelled strength, Olga shoved Stinky off her body, making him fall on his right side and roll away.

Helga jumped over the wires and dove toward Olga’s right.

The adult quickly stood, turning to the girl, reaching inside her purse to reload another cartridge—

Helga swung with all her strength the crowbar that Olga had dropped earlier.

_WHINK!!!_

_CRACK!!!_

Olga dropped to the ground, almost unconscious, and with a loose tooth or three, while her taser fell beside her in several pieces.

“Oo, that felt good,” snarled Helga, heart racing again, and hands stinging from the blow she gave to her sister’s face and taser.

Then, she realised just what happened.

“Do they let adults use tasers on MINORS in ‘this’ universe? Crimeny, I really hope her sister doesn’t end up staying with her! Any foster home would be a much better choice!”

“Miss Pataki, is everything all right?” asked an officer outside. At the sound of his voice, both children stiffened again and Olga began to stir.

_“Crimeny…”_ Helga had to think fast before the police came in. She then called out with Olga’s voice, “We’re okay, officer!!! Just moving things here so we can get comfortable!!! Give us ten more minutes!!!”

She then saw Stinky getting up, so she stepped up to her sister, snatched the phone off her belt, and looked at the clock. She also saw the phone number of the caller who had been listening to the conversation and sighed as her heart was broken yet again when she recognized who had been on the line.

_“Phoebe, you’re a total fink!!!”_ she hissed, and then disconnected.

She threw the phone and the crowbar down a metal pipe, ran to Stinky, grabbed his hand, snatched her purse, and dashed into the interior of the Safehouse. Following Stinky’s previous instructions, the two children ran to the other room, moved the couch slightly to reveal a manhole, slid the cover together, jumped inside, and covered the opening again.

Seconds later, Olga sat up and yelled, “MOVE IN!!! DON’T LET HER EFCAPE!!!” _Damn!!! That brat DID break some of my teeth!!!_

The police thus stormed the Safehouse.

As they ran down the sewer, hand in hand and trying to ignore the stench, Helga snarled, “Stinky, I’m about to get your girlfriend back. Tell her to NOT let Olga change her into her clone, and to NOT let Olga send her to Alaska. Tell Phoebe she’s a total fink, yes, but that, at least, in another world, or maybe another lifetime, we were the best of friends— ”

“HELGA!!!”

Both turned and saw Olga in the distance, running down the sewer toward them while grabbing her high heels, with two policemen running behind her. Stinky panicked, and Helga let him panic for both of them while she did a few calculations of where they were. She then pulled him on and both ran another block’s distance, then stopped at the ladder that led to another manhole. She quickly climbed up, with Stinky—ever the gentleman—climbing very close to her so he wouldn’t accidentally look up her dress. With adrenaline-powered strength, Helga slid the cover open, climbed out, yanked Stinky out with her, and both slid the cover back to buy themselves some time.

Looking around, Helga saw that they were now two blocks away from the junkyard, out of the line of sight from all those police cars and the crowd that had assembled to see what was going on.

She then pulled out the notebook from her purse and tore off the last page, shoving both into Stinky’s chest, making him scramble to grab both and stuff the sheet into his pocket.

“Give your girlfriend my letter and give Torvald the journal. And again, I’m sorry, but this is the only way I can go home, and this is the only way you can get your girlfriend back—!!!”

The manhole cover quivered.

Helga looked at a street sign, and both ran off down a two-way street, on the right sidewalk.

“Hide!” she almost yelled at him. “With luck, Olga just _might_ forget who you are and just focus on her sister right now!!!”

He hissed at her, “Ah’m not leaving yew!!!”

“Oh, crimeny!”

_POW!!!_

Left with no choice, Helga stopped, whirled, landed a right-cross punch directly on Stinky’s chin, and the boy staggered and nearly fell as he was almost knocked out.

_Wow, that’s a lot of glass on your jaw you got there, Steve,_ she thought as she shook her aching hand.

She then grabbed his shirt and the notebook that he nearly dropped, dragged the groggy boy into an alley, hefted him up with adrenaline-powered strength, threw him inside a dumpster, and covered his face with the open notebook.

“HELGA!!!”

Unfortunately, that allowed Olga to catch up somewhat. Helga ran out of the alley and saw her sister running toward her, and the policemen were catching up behind her, but what caught her eye was _another_ object behind her sister, and it was coming down the street at high speed.

_Perfect. Gotta time this right…_

She continued running in the same direction, though not as fast, and she kept glancing behind her, making sure her timing was right, as well as making sure Olga wasn’t within grabbing distance.

She then saw a large box truck parked in front of her, and she slowed down slightly, almost as if she wanted Olga to catch her.

Her sister came closer and closer.

She could see the welt on her face from the blow with the crowbar, and her bared teeth showed that her perfect smile was no longer so, not with two new gaps.

Helga chuckled at the sight of her now _im_ perfect sister.

She ran a few more steps so that she was now in front of the parked truck.

_Sorry, Helga. I hope you don’t feel any pain when you wake up!!!_

The box truck was now obscuring all incoming traffic from her, so Helga had to guide herself with the shadows that were being cast on the street.

She could see the red in Olga’s eyes.

The shadow moved closer.

Olga reached out to her.

_NOW!!!_

Helga then dashed out to the street, forcing Olga to make a sudden turn…

Both ran straight into the path of Jolly Olly Man’s speeding ice cream truck.

_A flash of light…_

_A blaring truck horn…_

_Bracing for impact…_

_Olga screaming her name…_

_The screech of tires…_

_A horrendous blow on her left side, her head whiplashing and being bashed by the grille of the truck…_

_A rushing darkness…_

Stinky groggily ran up with the notebook, behind the two policemen, just in time to see both Pataki women be thrown several meters in front of the ice cream truck and their limp bodies roll a few times on the pavement. He gasped and his blood pooled to his feet.

It was the _second_ time in three months that he had seen that happen to his girlfriend.

Or, he realised, to the girl who _looked_ like his girlfriend.

Olga, however, stirred a few seconds after she stopped rolling, and she looked at her sister’s inert body.

“…oh, Helga…” he heard her moan.

Jolly Olly Man quickly stepped out of his truck, ran to the victims, and stared at Helga. “Hey, don’t I know this kid?” Right then, the wail of police sirens pierced the air, and the two policemen ran to him while calling for assistance and ignoring the groggy boy behind them.

The driver’s shoulders drooped as he groaned, “Oh, man, there goes my license…” He then rubbed his eyes lightly, trying to get rid of the afterimage of a flash he thought he saw right before the accident, and shook his head as he contemplated with resignation the smashed grille and hood of his truck.

Stinky continued to stare at the two bodies lying on the pavement; his mind completely blank as to how to help them, and he didn’t dare move them—from what little he could recall from a first aid lecture—but he did have little comfort in the fact that there was no blood pooling under either of them, and Helga’s chest was moving in time with her breathing.

_He, too, thought he saw a flash right before the impact but dismissed it as a glint of sunlight from the mirrors of the nearby vehicles…_

* * *

Several minutes later, several police cruisers and their officers had arrived, trying to hold back the crowd that had gathered. The crowd included many of the local shop owners and a lot of the students of P.S. 118. The fourth- and fifth-graders—Stinky included—stood on the sidewalk, frightened to no end as they saw Olga and Helga being loaded on an ambulance. They could hardly even whisper to each other questions—much less answers—about what had just happened, especially knowing that it was a near-exact repeat of what happened in front of their school three months ago. They were all trying to listen to the adults as they, too, sought questions from the police, but none of them gave any further explanations beyond the bottom line: two females had just been hit by a speeding truck.

Helga was still unconscious, and Olga was semiconscious, looking at her unresponsive sister.

“…oh, Helga…” she moaned again.

Stinky then saw Torvald nearby, who was also totally speechless, like the rest of the gang. Emotionlessly, the fourth-grader walked up to the fifth-grader and wordlessly gave him the notebook.

The older boy just stared at him with surprise, and his confusion went up another notch when Stinky silently walked away from the scene, before any policeman remembered that he was with the two Patakis in the Safehouse.

Torvald opened the notebook and blinked when he read what had been written.

_There were only two entries, but they would be enough for him to tell legends to his grandchildren…_

Stinky, meanwhile, continued walking away, alone, shocked, and almost catatonic because of what he had seen and experienced just now, as well as in the past three days. He was mechanically headed for the hospital, again, since he knew Helga would be there when he arrived. It was the only thing he could think of doing, and given what she had told him right before, he wondered if the girl he would wait for this time would be his girlfriend, or the girl who had been here for the past three months. He, too, sighed and sagged in helpless despondency.

Then he remembered that Helga gave him a letter to give to “his” Helga.

He pulled out the crumpled paper from his pocket and read the letter.

A minute later, tears were flowing from his eyes.

But he was smiling nonetheless.

He finally knew who helped her on that stormy Monday morning, in another time, in another world.

She would be okay.

_Both_ Helgas would be okay.

And he and his _other_ self would be okay too.

_Boy, would he have things to tell his own grandchildren…_


	17. 1111 – FROM SELF TO SELF

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So what DID Helga write to Helga?

_Dear Helga,_

_It’s me, the “other” Helga, or your “other” self, if you will, from the “other” universe you might have been in for the past three months. I hope this letter reaches you without any problems._

_I’m not sure if I’m in “your” universe, or if you are in “mine”, or maybe I’m in your head, or maybe you’re in my head…and I don’t know whether to call you my sister, my clone, my other self from that universe…crimeny! It’s all very confusing, isn’t it?_

_Well, I hope that your experience in “my” universe went a lot better than mine did. And I hope that what I did to get us both home didn’t hurt you too much or leave you in a coma again. Or maybe YOU did something over there and we got switched back thanks to you. If you did, then thank you so much!!! You succeeded where I failed!!! Say, did Phoebe help you? I bet your jaw dropped to the ground when you found you two were still the best of friends AND that she offered to help you—for free—right? I wouldn’t doubt that if she helped you, she figured out how to get you home in one hour, maybe one day, tops._

_Anyway, I bet you were also quite surprised when Arnold declared his undying love to you…well…I’m not sure at what point in my timeline you got sent to, so you might have also been very surprised when Arnold suggested…um…stuff. You see, we’ve been kinda together for a while, at least from my point of view, ever since we came back from San—ever since we rescued his parents in Central America. Crazy, isn’t it?_

_If he kissed you, then he probably realised right there and then that you weren’t me. And how do I know that? Well, first, if you don’t know this by now, then know that Stinky—well, Steven—“your” Steven—loves you very much._

_It also looks like “your” Bob and Miriam are MUCH worse than “mine”. They had no right to give up on you the way they did! But then again, I suppose they had the time, ability, and love to raise only one kid, and they left you high and dry. Still, fight for your freedom. Fight the courts and try to get into foster care with Steven’s family. Even those bullies’ families are a better option than staying with Olga! Well, they’re still bullies where I come from, as you might have seen, but here they’re very nice boys._

_I really wish I could talk to you face to face and give you a big hug; you deserve it, after all._

_Cherish Steven’s hugs and kisses and affections, and whatever more he might want to give you. Hey, those Mr. Nutty candy bars and all that lemon pudding were worth it, weren’t they?_

_As for me and “my” Arnold, the trip to Central America was worth it. I don’t know if you ever fell for the Arnold in “your” world, but here, he’s happy with Ruth, and they’re probably skinny dipping together as we speak like the good and stereotypical country folk they decided to become, ha-ha._

_You might have noticed that “my” Steven doesn’t have an eye on me anymore—well, if you arrived at the “right” moment, that is. From my point-of-view, he had two crushes already, but nothing became of those. Don’t worry about him, though. I’m sure he’ll find someone soon._

_As for you, just stick with your man here. He did many things to help bring you back, and from what I saw, he definitely loves you, and barring a disaster, I have the feeling that you two are going to stay together for a long time to come._

_Anyway, the reason why I know Arnold would know you weren’t me if he kissed you is that Steven kissed me thinking I was you, and that’s when he realised I WASN’T you. Now, I can’t compare apples to oranges, so I won’t say who’s the better kisser. All I know is that Steven is very passionate, and he loves you with everything he has. And I’ll say it again: cherish him, because he might be your only rock here. He waited three months for you to wake up, and he was overjoyed when he thought you did, and if you required a second hospital stay—unfortunately thanks to me—then I’m sure he waited for you there, too. He…he truly loves you, Helga, and I know you love him just as much._

_By the way, why were you crossing the street without looking both ways? Was it to get Steven jealous, or was it to get revenge on Arnold, or did you still have amnesia, or what? Crimeny, I wish I could know._

_You have a tough time ahead of you, one that will involve courts, judges, hearings, lawyers, social workers, psychologists, and what’s left of your family. But you’re a Pataki, and we Patakis never give up. Or, at least we don’t in “my” universe, heh. Still, keep Steven and all your friends by your side, and don’t be afraid to let them help you, including the Shortmans (Arnold’s parents are social workers too, and they’re the nicest people on this planet, so their help might give you an advantage in your legal battle ahead). And once everything is settled, I know you will end up in the best family for you. You WILL make it, because I know I would have made it too._

_Hang in there, and never give up._

_Love,_

_Helga_

_P.S.:_

_I hope that here you can sue Bob and Miriam for parental malpractice and maybe criminal neglect, as well as abandonment. If you can, go for it, and don’t let them get away with what they did to you._


	18. EPILOGUE – BEANED RELOADED

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My longest epilogue on record.

Helga grumpily woke up on her bed and saw on her left her Raggedy Andy doll under the covers with her. She tossed it away, but the movement brought an intense headache.

“Man, I feel like I got hit by a truck!”

Just then, the door opened, and her mother entered, speaking _very_ loudly for some reason, “GOOD MORNING DEAR, HOW ARE YOU FEELING?”

Her volume, tone, and demeanour made Helga feel like tearing her ears off.

“I’m just peachy, Miriam,” the girl replied condescendingly, wondering why the adult was speaking so loudly. “How are _you_ feeling?” she asked with fake politeness.

The woman blinked and stuttered, surprised at the response, “Ah…wha…I’m just fine, Helga, but I’m not the one who got hit on the head with a _baseball_ and caught amnesia yesterday!” She chided that last part, as if she found it very amusing.

“Amnesia?”

Miriam continued chiding, as if someone had played a practical joke, never mind that it was on her _daughter_ , “Oh yeah! You couldn’t remember anything! You were just completely helpless!”

Helga raised half of her eyebrow.

“Anyway, thanks to that nice little blonde boy from your class—”

Helga’s eyes widened. “BLONDE BOY?! What blonde boy?!”

Miriam pondered, “Oh, now, what was his name? Arthur?”

“ARNOLD???!!!”

Her mother pointed at her. “That’s it! Arnold walked you home and made you a little snack,” she mimed making a sandwich. “And then he helped you with your homework, oh, he even tucked you in when you fell asleep,” more pointing. “Then he waited downstairs until I got home. Anyway! I’m glad you’re feeling better, honey.” Satisfied that she gave her all the relevant information she needed and that her daughter was in no obvious need of medical assistance or assessment, either now or last night, Miriam left and shut the door.

[Class, can you say: “criminal negligence”?]

“This is unbelievable.” Helga’s thoughts were racing. “Arnold was in my house, and he was actually taking care of me? And he tucked me in!”

She jumped out of bed, but didn’t bother putting her shoes on because, for some reason, Arnold didn’t take them off the previous night.

Helga continued musing, “Oh, man, the old Football Head must feel really guilty about knocking me out and giving me amnesia! Otherwise, he’d _never_ be doing all that nice stuff for me—”

She suddenly froze.

“Wait a minute, didn’t I already do all of this already…?”

She ran all over her bedroom, examining her surroundings.

Her bed.

Her doll.

Her clothes.

Her dresser.

Her closet.

HER SHRINE!!!

“I’m…I’m back in ‘my’ world…‘my’ universe…” she whispered, trying to believe so, but fearing that it might all be another dream.

She slowly placed her hands on the wall next to the closet, feeling the solid surface, and then pressed her right cheek against it.

She began whimpering.

_The house was in one piece again. It wasn’t being demolished or torn down. Every single one of her belongings was safe, nowhere near a dumpster or a landfill._

Still, she couldn’t help but shut her eyes and cry silently, both in relief, and in fear of opening her eyes and finding herself in that “bizarro universe” where everything was wrong.

_Am…am I REALLY back? Back in “my” universe?_

Then, she wiped her eyes, went inside her closet, and looked at her shrine again.

_Wait, I already did that one…_

She looked up and asked herself, “Did…did I go back in time… _again?”_

She ran out of the closet and checked her wall calendar.

“Whoa!! I _did_ go back in time! And…”

She looked down at herself and her slightly wrinkled pink jumper, with a low neckline and the red band on the waist, and at the white shirt she wore under the jumper.

“My clothes are back!!!”

But then, she trembled with _more_ fear because she needed to check one last thing about herself. Slowly, she pulled away the front of her jumper, reached inside, and—

“My locket!!! It’s here!!!” She opened it and once again saw her beloved’s picture inside. She sighed with relief and joy and kissed the picture as if she were kissing Arnold himself.

Happy tears flowed this time:

_“Oh, my beloved!_

_I have defied the laws of time and space!_

_Tearing open the fabric of twin universes!_

_Releasing both girls who were being held captive by the whims of the Powers That Be!_

_She’s with her lover_

_And I’m back with mine—”_

“Oh, wait,” she suddenly realised. “If I just woke up after getting beaned, then that means we’re in fourth grade again, and we’re not together… _yet_ …but…am I really back in my original fourth-grade body? Did that trip really happen?”

She checked her left wrist and saw that there was no trace of the needle hole.

She then ran to a mirror and saw that there was no wig, no trace of makeup, and no brown contacts.

_Of course there aren’t, otherwise Miriam would have blown a fuse. But…was the other Helga…here?_

She quickly searched her desk, her dresser, her nightstand, her closet, her shrine, her drawers, her bathroom, under her pillow, inside her pillow, under her sheets, and even between her mattresses.

“Odd, she didn’t leave a note. I guess she didn’t have much to say to me…or maybe she left it somewhere in the future?” she pondered, hand on her chin, then sighed with resolution. “Well…I hope she likes the note I left her. Though I guess I’ll never know why she crossed the street the way she did. And…hmm…I wonder…”

She checked her pockets, but they were all empty.

“Drat. All that money stayed back in the ‘other’ universe. Just as well, that Helga is going to need it. Lila’s dress and Ruth’s wig and my journal stayed behind too, and…”

Here the girl paled.

“Oh no, Olga got hit by Jolly Olly Man too!!! She didn’t come to ‘my’ universe, did she?”

For a moment, she stood very still, almost expecting “bizarro-Olga” to burst through the door and drag her to the nearest family court.

“No, wait…” she realised. “The first time, Arnold and I were _both_ hit by Jolly Olly Man, but only _I_ got sent to the ‘other’ universe. Maybe…maybe whatever ‘portal’ is opened by Jolly Olly Man’s truck can only take one person at a time…?” She glared at her bedroom door, still expecting that crazed woman to burst in. “So if I got sent back here and now, maybe that ‘other’ Olga stayed behind…where she _should_ be…unless…” She looked around again. “…unless…did all of that _really_ happen? Or was it just a weird dream I had because I had amnesia? Or…is everything here happening inside _the ‘other’ Helga’s_ head? Or maybe…she’s in _my_ head? And if it _did_ happen…why did I go back in time again?” Left hand on her head, right on her hip. “I went back some…” She looked at her alarm clock. “Twenty minutes before we got hit by Jolly Olly Man?”

She did a double take and suddenly realized something else.

“Crimeny!!! I’m going to be late for school!!! I’ve got to get—dressed…?” She looked at herself again, and it suddenly hit her that she was _already_ dressed for school, including her shoes. “Wait…what? Arnold did _not_ take my shoes off when he tucked me in?”

She dashed to her bed, pulled back the covers, and saw bits of dirt and debris on her sheets and mattress where her shod feet had been.

“Huh. I wonder why he didn’t bother with that. Maybe he thought he would be getting too close to looking up my dress or something, never mind getting me into my pj’s, and I guess Miriam didn’t want to risk waking me up to do that…” She straightened up. “But okay, I’m back, and if I’m _really_ back where I _think_ I am, then things should happen the way I remember them. Now, right around here, I said something like this:”

She squared her shoulders, cleared her throat, and declared with a determined hand, “That’s it! That’s how I can finally get Arnold to pay attention to me!” She clasped her hands. “I’ll _fake_ having amnesia so he’ll keep feeling responsible for me, and I can at last spend time with him!” And she added, _“And if I’m correct, Arnold should be right outside!!!”_ She glanced at the clock again. “Crimeny, I’ve been ranting for so long I don’t have time for breakfast!!! Oh well, it’s not like it’s the first time I’ve gone without it, no thanks to Miriam. _I’m coming, my love!!!”_

She dashed out of her room and practically flew down the stairs. She saw Miriam in the kitchen preparing _another_ smoothie _—not Helga’s breakfast, big surprise there—_ and wondered if she should hug her, since she at least was here instead of renouncing her parental rights.

_Nah._

_And don’t even THINK of hugging Bob!_

Before her mother could ask her anything, Helga exclaimed, “I’mlateforschoolnotimeforbreakfastgottagobye!!!” and burst out the front door.

_And there he was._

_THERE HE IS!!! AND HIS EYELIDS ARE BLINKING IN SYNC, TOO!!! Oh, my football-headed love, I’m going to shower you with kisses and embrace you and never let go and I’m going to shove my tongue down your thr—!!!_

She shivered, nearly losing control, but she forcefully restrained herself, lest she scare him away, or worse, lest he think she had gone totally insane.

_O…okay…there he is. Now, if I really DID go back in time, then he’s going to say what I think he’s going to say._

And she ran his words through her head.

_Hey, Helga, how are you feeling?_

“Hey, Helga, how are you feeling?” he asked.

_Okay, got that right, but…_ “Uh, I’m feeling—” She put her left hand on her chin.

_Confused?_

“Confused?”

_YES!!!_

And she calmly replied, “Yes! I’m confused.” _Now, to continue the charade._ “Uh, what did you say your name was, again?”

_Arnold. And the reason you’re confused is because…_

“Arnold. And the reason you’re confused is because…”

_I hit you on the head with a baseball._

“I hit you on the head with a baseball.”

_Anyway, I’m really sorry. And I came over to walk you to school. That is…if you’re up to it._

“Anyway, I’m really sorry. And I came over to walk you to school. That is…if you’re up to it.”

_Perfect!!! It’s as if my mind is playing back a video of our lives or something!!!_

She crossed her arms and replied smugly, languishing in her discovery, “Oh, I’m up to it, all right…uh…I mean…” _Crimeny, Helga, don’t blow it!!!_ “I would like to go to your school.” _Now, cue the rain!_ “Thank you!”

No sooner had she said that last phrase when they heard thunder and the rain began.

_Right on time!_

Continuing her act, she repeated with fake bewilderment, pointing her left hand at the clouds, “Oh, no, Archibald! The sky! It is making water!”

_“It’s Arnold, and it’s just rain.” Now, open your umbrella._

“It’s Arnold, and it’s just rain.” He opened his umbrella.

_You can share my umbrella with me._

“You can share my umbrella with me.” He lifted it over their heads and walked with her arm in arm.

_Arnold is actually sharing his umbrella with me! Oh! Wow, how did I not faint with him holding me like this???_

* * *

_Now, the rain only lasts until we get to school, which is right about…now. Cue the sun!!!_

She felt like a movie director when the clouds parted and the rain tapered off.

_YES!!!_

_Looks like the sun’s coming out._

“Looks like the sun’s coming out.”

_And I look down…_

She squatted and looked at the daisy bed next to the school. “And look! There are little suns coming out of the ground.” She turned to him and smiled evilly, “Arless!” _Crimeny, I really was on a roll here!!! Now, you come closer, and you give me a flower._

_It’s Arnold. And those are flowers: colourful plants that smell good._

“It’s Arnold. And those are flowers: colourful plants that smell good.”

_Pick one and give it to me. “Here.”_

“Here.”

“Why, thank you.” _Arnold just gave me a flower! I think I’m gonna die!_

Her hooded eyes and replaying the incident in her head almost made her forget that it _was_ a replay of the incident.

_Oh, right, what came next? Yes, he complemented me._

_Well, you deserve it. You remembered to walk on the sidewalk this morning. See?_

“Well, you deserve it. You remembered to walk on the sidewalk this morning. See?” Both turned and saw that they were about twenty feet from the front steps of P.S. 118, and there, Gerald, Rhonda—holding a still-open blue umbrella—Harold, and STINKY were waiting for the bell to ring.

_AND SHE WANTED TO HUG THEM ALL!!!_

Blinking, she restrained herself again and continued replaying Arnold’s lines in her head:

_We’re already at school. You didn’t even need me to guide you._

“We’re already at school. You didn’t even need me to guide you.”

_And here is where things went wrong in both universes. Well, not in THIS second take!!!_

She turned slightly, listening for the increasing volume of a truck engine. After quickly glancing at her left, she repeated, “Of course I didn’t need you to guide me, Oswald! I know exactly what I’m doing…”

_Gotta time this right…_

She waited a few seconds and took a step forward, then another step, then she stepped out on the street and pretended to ignore the oncoming ice cream truck.

_Yell my name…_

“Helga!”

_But pull me BACK this time…_

Indeed, instead of shoving her to the other sidewalk, he grasped her arm and yanked her back to the school’s sidewalk.

_Wow, Football Head, you’re stronger than you look! Those karate lessons are really paying off, right?_

She would have swooned if she hadn’t been continuing her charade. And for a moment, Helga thought she felt the tip of her right shoe brush on the front tire, and both she and Arnold thought they saw a flash of light, but they dismissed it as a lightning bolt in the distance from the departing storm.

_Maybe I spoke too soon…_

“Maybe I spoke too soon…”

_PERFECT!!! Take THAT, parallel universes!!! I won’t be waking up in any hospital THIS time!!!_

She also realised that here, Arnold would not have his scar on his left arm since the truck never hit him. She glanced at the limb but couldn’t see the skin of his arm due to his blue sweater and long-sleeved plaid shirt under it.

_I wonder how I can get him to pull up his sleeves, just to double check…_

She shelved that thought for later, because as they walked toward the main entrance, Helga ran through her head the events of the rest of the day, and they included how she would steal Rhonda’s geography buddy, and then Arnold would complain to Gerald about not being able to go to the Old-Timers’ Game because he had to take care of her. She was also unsure if she should tell Phoebe about what she knew.

_I’ll wait to see if this day still turns out the same. THEN I’ll have a talk with Phoebe. But this time around, I think I’ll give Football Head a break. He…he deserves it, after all. He already went out of his way to take care of me yesterday._

She saw a puddle next to the steps, and an old popsicle wrapper.

_That should do it…_

Pretending she still had no basic knowledge of everyday objects, she stepped on the wrapper, faked a slip, and fell forward, letting five years of _Wrestlemania_ and one year of football take over and give her audience a convincing portrayal of her bashing her forehead on the steps.

“HELGA!!!”

_I know I’m rushing things, but it’s for the best. Now he will hold my arms and ask me if I’m okay…_

He turned her face up, held her arms, and asked with worry, “Are you okay?”

She opened her eyes, scowled, and replied with her typical harsh tone, “I’m FINE, Arnold, now give me a little breathing room, would ya?!” She pushed him away just to make the point.

The boy gasped as he stumbled backward. “Did you just call me ‘Arnold’?”

“That’s right, _Football Head!_ Now quit hovering over me and help me up!”

He held her hand and she almost swooned again, but she kept up her act and stood.

It was here where she glanced at her right shoe and confirmed what she felt earlier: there was a grey stain right on the tip.

_And that’s the most damage you will EVER inflict on me, Jolly Olly Man!!! HA!!!_

She casually wiped the stain off in the puddle—

_Helga, I know this is going to be a bit hard for you to believe, but…_

“Helga, I know this is going to be a bit hard for you to believe, but…”

_Not as hard to believe as what I just went through, my beloved._

_You got hit on the head with a baseball, and you had amnesia for the past two days._

“You got hit on the head with a baseball, and you had amnesia for the past two days.”

_You couldn’t remember anything!_

“You couldn’t remember anything!”

“Hmm…come to think of it, I might be feeling a _little_ bit weird,” she repeated, feigning slight confusion.

“Do you need to see the nurse?”

She blinked.

_He…he didn’t say that the first time around…whoa, the divergence has started! Gotta lay low for the rest of the day._

“I…” she sighed after making her internal realisation. “No, Football Head, I’m fine. I’ve…felt worse, trust me.” _Like being hit by an ice cream truck. TWICE._

Then she looked at the others—Rhonda, Harold, Gerald, and Stinky—who were barely recovering from their fright, as they had just seen them almost get run over.

Harold didn’t have any major changes that she could see, but she was sad that he no longer had the older boys as close friends.

Rhonda was back, apparently to stay. But at least Nadine would not be an introvert in this universe, thanks to her. Too bad Curly would be an annoying pest for her…unless…

She blinked and returned to her internal roll call. She would make _other_ plans in a little bit.

Gerald was still his same self, though here he wouldn’t be with Gloria _—who would be wearing that OTHER dress,_ she finally realised. And if things were right, Phoebe would still be in Tall Hair Boy’s sights.

_Gotta talk to Phoebe!!!_

And finally, Stinky.

Helga shivered when she saw the broomstick-headed boy.

Said boy just looked at her, obviously still slightly frightened after seeing her nearly get run over.

_And she wanted to give him a big hug and give him her thanks, perhaps with a light kiss on the forehead. But maybe an anonymous gift of Mr. Nutty candy bars and a bucket of lemon pudding would do._

She desperately wanted to hug them all, but unfortunately that would have to come at a later time—

“Hey, Arnold!” blurted the fat boy, almost forgetting the fact that both kids had almost been run over.

_What happened to you yesterday? You and me were supposed to go to the arcade and get four extra-large pizzas!_

“What happened to you yesterday? You and me were supposed to go to the arcade and get four extra-large pizzas!”

_Puh. So much for “divergence”._

_I’m sorry, Harold._

“I’m sorry, Harold—” And at that moment, the bell rang. “I’ll explain everything to you guys in recess. Come on.”

The children filed inside.

_Now to test the rest of my theory…_

* * *

The school day began, but once Helga realised that she already knew the lessons because she had already gone through them, she decided to ignore Mr. Simmons and start writing down the events of everything she could remember, starting from today until the night of the sleepover.

_Holy mackerel, I’m going to ACE fourth grade!!! I already know everything!!! And now I’m perfectly ready for the beach!!! For FTI!!! FOR SAN LORENZO!!! Hee, this sure beats writing short stories!!!_

Then she realised something.

_Hmm…I’ve gotta keep THIS notebook under wraps, and maybe show it only to Phoebe if the moment is right. And best of all, I can finally help Arnold with EVERYTHING because I have inside knowledge!!! This is going to be so AWESOME!!!_

Mr. Simmons, of course, never noticed all her furious writing, namely because she was at the back of the classroom, and because he thought she was taking notes on his lessons.

* * *

There was no toying with his blue cap, no learning what a locker was, nor any carrying of her books, nor any teaching her how to read in the correct direction, nor stealing any geography buddy from Rhonda that morning. Helga worked with Sheena on their assignment, as they originally should have. However, she glanced at Arnold and Rhonda working together and wondered.

_If I had not been able to return, maybe she could have been a good girlfriend to Arnold? Maybe on the inside she’s a nice girl too, despite being all prissy and stuck-up?_

She stiffened when she saw a glint in Rhonda’s eyes as Arnold said something which made the rich girl chuckle.

_Yeah, right, In another universe, Bucko!!! Preferably in one where I don’t exist!!!_

And Helga would make sure that no other girl would ever be considered a “girlfriend candidate” by him, except her.

EVER.

* * *

There was also no re-learning what glass was, no spoon feeding at lunch, and Arnold was able to sit with the other boys, where he explained to them what had happened yesterday after he took Helga home.

Meanwhile, Helga pulled Phoebe to an empty table, sat her down, and the taller girl sat on the tall girl’s right. They placed their lunch trays on the table and began eating.

“We’ve got to talk,” whispered the tall girl, trying her best to not give her short friend a crushing hug for being her normal self and _not_ being a junior Mafia girl.

Phoebe blinked, surprised at her best friend’s impetuousness in desiring to converse. “What…what’s the matter, Helga?”

The taller girl glanced around, making sure no one was paying attention to them, and turned to her friend, speaking with a volume slightly lower than normal. “Okay, listen, Pheebs. It’s a long story of _how_ I know this, and an even _longer_ story of just _how_ I was able to see this, and I _will_ tell you once I get all the confirmations I need, but here’s what you need to know.” As both began eating, she took a deep breath, looked kindly at her friend—it was a kind look that Phoebe had rarely seen, too—placed her right hand on her friend’s left shoulder, and began. “Listen, back when you were hall monitor, you let the power go to your head, and you almost became a bully like me. Yes, you went overboard, but I recently realised that underneath that shy, meek introvert you are, there is a…” She smiled. “…a _tigress_ , waiting to pounce on her man.”

Phoebe stopped eating, her eyes widened, she blushed, and her heartbeat accelerated slightly.

“Like I said, I’ll tell you later how I know,” added Helga before the Asian-American girl could speak. “Well, maybe not pounce on him _in public_ , of course. But I know there’s a strong woman inside you waiting to come out. Yes, your fencing practice helps you take out your frustrations, but don’t be afraid to be strong. And sure, you were strong when you were hall monitor, and you kinda went over the line—”

“I’m—I’m glad you stopped me, Helga. I didn’t want to turn into you,” Phoebe looked down at her food, ashamed.

“Hey, trust me, you could have turned out _way_ worse—and I’ll tell you later just _how_ worse—but maybe, just _maybe_ you can find a balance between being strong and being meek. Maybe Gerald will like it—”

Phoebe whirled toward her, almost gasping.

“Yes, I know your secret, just like you know mine,” she continued to eat nonchalantly. “But if Gerald doesn’t like you being strong, don’t worry about it. You _will_ find someone who does. And if you need any pointers or advice, let me know. It’s about time I started being a real friend to you and stopped treating you like a sidekick.”

The short girl wasn’t sure what to make of all this.

“You’re smarter than all of us combined, Phoebe. I’m sure you’ll be able to find a way to combine intellect with assertiveness. Meanwhile, I want you to do me a favour.”

“What favour is that?” she enquired.

* * *

The first-graders had finished eating their lunches, and several girls were playing Jacks on the shadow of the school building.

Phoebe walked up to them and asked, “Excuse me, ladies, may I borrow one jack for two minutes? I’ll give it right back.”

The girls looked at each other for a moment and agreed.

The Asian-American girl bent down to pick up a metal jack and then stepped one foot away from the group. She looked at her watch and spun the jack on the ground as fast as she could.

It took a while for the jack to stop—given her hidden wrist strength that all that fencing practice had given her—but the jack did eventually stop.

The fourth-grader nodded and handed back the jack to its rightful owner. “ _Arigato_ —thank you kindly.”

Phoebe walked back to Helga’s table, where she was still eating and—oddly enough— _not_ looking at the first-graders, nor at the Asian-American girl’s experiment.

“Forty-three point sixty-five seconds,” she stated, slightly taken aback when she saw that her best friend had not paid attention to what she did.

Helga turned to her, smiled, sighed with relief, and almost cried with joy. “Th-thank you, Phoebe. You’re the best.”

The short girl sat to continue her lunch. “You’re…you’re welcome, Helga,” she replied, slightly confused.

_First confirmation._

* * *

Several minutes later, next to the jungle gym…

“Hello, my sweet! Why don’t you give Daddy some sugar, huh? Then we can go to the zoo and free the animals!”

“Ugh, Curly, I don’t have time for you tod—”

“Hold it right there, freak.”

Both Rhonda and Curly blinked; Curly, because Helga had hoisted him up by the back of his shirt so that he was hanging between them, and Rhonda, _because_ Helga had hoisted Curly up between them.

Helga continued. “Yeah, yeah, Curly, you told us that a million times. You want to crush the system, free the animals, and get Rhonda, right?”

The boy just stared at her, quite surprised.

“Well, listen: Not every girl wants to free the animals and fight injustices with the system you’re using, okay?” She pointed at him. “If you _really_ want to set things right that you _know_ are wrong, then I suggest that you pace yourself _AND that you cool it,_ otherwise you _will_ be taken to Juvie, or worse, _you will be taken to the funny house and you will NEVER see Rhonda again, you hear?”_

She let him fall, and he landed on his feet, where he slowly straightened his shirt and glasses, unsure of what to do with Helga’s advice.

Helga clapped her hands clean. “And if you _really_ like Rhonda, try treating her like a _normal_ person, okay? _Not_ as your partner in crime or your partner in your quest for justice. And maybe, just _maybe_ , once you talk to her like a rational human being, you just _might_ be surprised at just how much you _don’t_ like about her,” she smirked.

The small boy balked. “Huh?”

“WHAT?” as did Rhonda. “What _are_ you talking about, Helga?”

She waved her off and then pointed at her. “Ah, shut it, Princess. You probably wouldn’t stand it if Freak Boy here dumped YOU because he found out something about YOU that would be a dealbreaker for HIM!” She crossed her arms in amusement. “Or maybe you don’t want to date him because you’re scared that you _might_ be more compatible than you think!”

Rhonda stiffened and slapped her fists on her sides. “Never! He might be a freak, but at least he _knows_ what he likes! And what do YOU even know about dating or relationships?” She returned an angry finger at the blonde girl. “You’ve never been in one!!!”

At that, Helga slowly walked up to her face, noses almost touching, and gave her the most evil eye she could conjure.

And she whispered, “Listen, Rhondalloyd, as difficult as it might be for you to believe, I’ve just recently had a REALLY bad three days and two nights. I’ve seen things, events, people, and couples that would freak everyone out, _so_ _don’t cross me or you will regret it,_ okay?”

The rich girl staggered back, never having seen _this_ side of Helga before.

“O-okay…” she stuttered.

“Very well. You two can go on one _normal_ date and see how things go.” She then turned and pointed at the boy who was about to attack her for threatening “his girl”. “And I _do_ mean _normal,_ Freak. You don’t want to scare her off forever, right?”

It was Curly’s turn to suddenly feel frightened at the vibes the blonde girl was giving off, which left him totally speechless, so he could only nod in agreement.

Helga smiled evilly at him again and walked away, right after telling him, “You’re welcome.”

That exchange did not go unnoticed, however. Gerald stepped up to her, blocking her path, fists on hips, and demanded, “And since when do YOU give advice? Don’t you remember what happened to everyone the _last_ time you did that?”

Helga thought for a moment—left hand on her chin again—and remembered that fateful day several months earlier. “Oh, you’re right, how silly of me. Well, what can I say? I suppose the Football Head is growing on me. By the way—” she suddenly said before the African-American could give a retort. “—I _know_ you have a soft spot for Phoebe—”

It was Gerald’s turn to stiffen in fright as she crossed her arms.

“—and if you want to try getting together, that’s all fine with me. I know she has a soft spot for you too, so—” The evil eye was directed at him now. “—don’t you _dare_ hurt her, and…” She sighed, softening slightly and lowering her hands. “And I hope that when you _do_ go on a date, you two will be pleasantly surprised at what you will find out about each other, and that you can deal with what you _don’t_ like about each other. That’s all part of relationships—”

“You don’t know diddly squat about me!” he protested with angry fists, not wanting to be bested by the girl who constantly bullied his best friend.

She just looked at him, unfazed. “And you’re right. But I _do_ know a lot about Phoebe, and…whether things work out for you or not, just…” Sigh. “Just treat her right, okay?”

Gerald stared at her and couldn’t help but feel defused by her soft request.

“I…I will,” he said.

“Thanks, Tall Hair Boy.” And she walked away.

* * *

Helga then looked at Lila from a distance.

The country girl seemed content being single, and she had apparently recovered from Arnie’s rejection. Perhaps she didn’t want to be on the rebound, or she didn’t consider any of the other boys here “dateable”, not after her failed relationship with Arnold.

_But I’ve got to find a way to bring her and Arnie back together. It’s the only way I can get Arnie off my back, IF he ever comes back. I’ve got to find what he saw in both of us that made him choose me over her. And maybe I should tell Arnie the truth; it was all an act from me to make Lila jealous of his cousin. Maybe THAT will make him finally reject me and have him throw himself at Lila’s arms._

_I’ll probably need Phoebe’s help for this, and perhaps Arnie’s parents, too…_

* * *

She then walked up to a tall boy who was leaning against the building and asked, “Lemon pudding again, Stinky?”

“Huh?” he asked, blinking, just as he was about to take a spoonful. “Yup. Yew okay, Helga?” he asked with genuine concern. “Yew almost got hit by a truck n’ then yew hit yewr head ‘n th’ front steps—” He squinted at her. “Wow, yew didn’t even git a bruise ‘n yewr forehead!”

_Yikes! Minor flaw in my plan!!! Gotta think of something…um…_

“I didn’t get one yesterday, either, Stinko. Guess I’m tougher than I look…” She then eyed him, leaning her left hand on the wall. “By the way, is that your _actual_ name? ‘Stinky’? What kind of parents name their kid ‘Stinky’? I mean…” She gestured at him. “I know boys are known for their body odour, but I don’t think I’ve ever smelled anything…” She tried to be tactful. “… _unbecoming_ from you. So…why the name?”

He explained rather calmly, “Well, believe it or not, it’s a family name.”

“Your relatives are named ‘Stinky’?” she asked, apparently taken aback.

“Yup!” he replied, oddly happy and proud. “Mah ancestors were from Germany, n’ they moved t’ th’ Volga region ‘n Russia, n’ they took th’ ‘Stinky’ name. Then they moved t’ Arkansaw n’ mah grandfather took th’ ‘Peterson’ name but kept th’ ‘Stinky’ one, too. N’ not many people know this, but ‘Stinky’ is th’ Russian form o’ ‘Steven’.”

_Yes, that sounds just about right. No changes here._

“‘Steven’?” she raised half of her eyebrow.

“Yup.”

“Then why don’t you call yourself ‘Steven’? ‘Stinky’ kinda implies that…well…” She gestured at him again. “…that you stink! Hasn’t that ever bothered you?”

He eyed her, taking another spoonful of pudding. “Nope. Never bothered mah grandparents, never bothered mah parents, never bothered meh. Don’t see a reason why Ah should start.”

“Fine then. Though if you ever get a girlfriend—a permanent one—I hope she’s fine with that name too.”

And she walked away, leaving him asking to himself, “‘Permanent’?”

_And I hope she likes your accent too, geez…_

However, as she departed, she smiled slightly.

_And I know what to get you for your birthday, or Christmas, whichever comes first, “Broomstick”. I know you didn’t do anything here, but it would be the least I could do for your “other” self. Thanks, “Steven”, for all you did for me._

A case of Mr. Nutty candy bars and a case of lemon pudding would be purchased in a few weeks.

* * *

“Hey, Football Head.” She now stood next to the boy of her dreams, who had been listening to Gerald tell him what he had witnessed with Rhonda and Curly and her. Again, she had to restrain herself from swooning and giving him a big hug, so she crossed her arms to prevent herself from doing that.

He sighed. “Hello, Helga. How’s your head?”

She dismissed that. “Better than ever, actually.” Arnold was about to ask what had happened with Rhonda and Curly, but she quickly said, “But I just wanted to ask, how is that weird cousin of yours doing? Is he still living in the boondocks?”

Arnold smirked at her, slightly surprised at her shifting the conversation. Nonetheless, he obliged her. “Arnie? Yes, he’s still living in the dairy town outside Hillwood. But last we talked, he didn’t seem so weird anymore, especially after his last visit.”

More half-eyebrow lifting. “Oh? Did he finally stop collecting lint and reading product labels?”

“It’s more like he’s easing off on that. Now he’s taken up reading farm equipment manuals, which is quite important where he lives.”

“Wow, that’s certainly an improvement. And I’m glad to hear he’s not as weird as before.” She uncrossed her arms and walked away before he could go back to the Rhonda-Curly issue, though with a bit of hesitation, considering it was _Arnold_ she was walking away from.

_Got to get Arnie and Lila back together somehow…_ ~~~~

* * *

She didn’t bother talking to Wolfgang, Torvald, or Ludwig. From a distance, she saw that they were harassing a group of third-graders, so she decided not to intervene. She then turned to look at Phoebe, who was now talking to Gerald about something he was quite interested in, given that the girl had his total attention.

_I suppose it’s going to take something HUGE to make those guys stop being bullies, say, a more powerful bully that blackmails them, forcing them to turn over a new leaf. And not even I can do that here, not without outside help._

She saw Phoebe giggle, and Gerald chuckled with her.

_And I’m glad Phoebe wasn’t the catalyst for that here. Thank you, Phoebe, for not turning into me._

The bell rang, and all the children filed back into the school building.

* * *

Helga continued to write down the events she had previously lived, and would live once more in the near future, again ignoring her teacher, but unfortunately, she had to stop when the final bell rang.

_No matter. I can continue tonight and then all day tomorrow!!!_

And since she had already faked recovering her memory, there was no teaching her how to use the drinking fountain nor faking a blow to her head on it.

There was only one thing left to do.

_Only three more hours ‘till the Old-Timers’ Game, buddy!_

“Only three more hours ‘till the Old-Timers’ Game, buddy!”

“Yup! I can’t wait!”

Right then, Helga suddenly yanked close to her an incredibly surprised Phoebe—who was minding her own business until now—walked up to the two best friends and interrupted their conversation. “Hey, I hear you two knuckleheads are going to the Old-Timers’ Game.”

Gerald turned to her as Phoebe adjusted her glasses that got skewed when Helga yanked her. “Yeah, you got a problem with that, Helga?”

Another smirk. “No, Tall Hair Boy. I’m asking because _maybe_ I _might_ join you two.” She would have crossed her arms if she hadn’t been holding Phoebe’s arm.

Arnold blinked at her. “Huh? Since when are _you_ interested in those games?”

“Well, Football Head,” she tilted her head, pushing down her joy by pretending to ponder. “I’ve been thinking about expanding my horizons. Besides, watching the game might help me refresh my memories about baseball, and it will help me make sure I remember all the rules, after that problem I had with amnesia.” She looked at them. “I can’t be a good manager if I can’t remember the rules, right?”

Both boys looked at each other and wordlessly agreed with that logic.

“So yeah, Phoebe and I will tag along with you two.”

“We will?” asked the short girl, doing a double take at her.

“You will?” asked Gerald, eyes wide and almost squeaking in surprise.

“ _Yes,_ we will,” confirmed the blue-eyed blonde. Then she leaned down and whispered in her ear through clenched teeth, _“…shut up…”_

Phoebe decided it was best to keep quiet for now.

“Also, I’d rather go with you two knuckleheads than go with anyone else. At least I _know_ the both of you,” she gestured at them.

The boys looked at each other again, and again agreed wordlessly.

“Okay, Helga, you and Phoebe can tag along. I’m sure you’ll enjoy the game.”

“Thanks, Football Head.” And she walked away, pulling a still-confused Phoebe with her, who was just about to ask Gerald something.

And as they walked away, she again leaned down and whispered in Phoebe’s ear, _“…you’re welcome…”_

The trans-dimensional and trans-temporal traveller smiled at her, released her, and walked away, leaving behind a _very_ confused Asian-American girl, who couldn’t help but blush because she had _another_ impromptu date with her crush.

* * *

Helga was one of the first students to leave the building, and she waited for her beloved at the front steps. As all the other students walked past her, she took a closer look at the many boys of the student body, and as she eyed each of them, individually, she remembered the experience she had. She took an internal list of all the couples that she saw in the “other” universe, compared them to the couples that existed here, and came to a realisation:

_ALL the boys here have a potential to be my boyfriend. Well, maybe as young as the third-graders, and perhaps as old as the sixth-graders. It’s not just about being compatible; it’s also a question of being willing to adapt to each other’s quirks, habits, plans, and desires, and things they DON’T like about each other. If something were to happen to Arnold, I suppose I wouldn’t be left high and dry. I mean, ANY of them could become my boyfriend, if we were willing to adapt…except maybe Curly, ha-ha. But if Arnold were to disappear, or if he had never existed, who would be next in line for me?_

As she continued looking at the other children walk away from the school and toward their homes, for the first time Helga became aware of just how diverse their town was.

_Maybe I could try a Latino boy? An Asian one? Native American? Indian? Oriental? Or maybe I could go with a black one, just to annoy Bob?_

Then, a certain boy filed out.

Helga’s heart fluttered.

And she smiled.

_I think I’ll stick with green-eyed blondes for now._

Arnold and Gerald bid their farewells with their unique handshake, and the two parted ways to their respective homes to prepare for the evening’s game. However, when Arnold walked past Helga, she began walking with him.

“Hey, Football Head, can I walk you home?” she asked, trying not to swoon or tremble with excitement and passion.

Eyebrow. “Why do you want to walk me home?”

She tried to sound casual. “Yeah, well, you went out of your way to walk me home yesterday and then back to school today, so I guess I should start being nice and return the favour.”

He looked at her, and after a moment, shrugged. “Okay, I guess you can do that.”

The two blonde children walked in silence for a while.

Once Helga saw that they were a safe distance away from the school, out of earshot of the other students, she turned to him, smiled, and asked before he could mention the Rhonda-Curly issue again, “Hey, remember the spelling bee, Hair Boy?”

He turned to her, “Yes, it’s not like I’m going to forget it soon, you know. Why?”

“Well, I’ve always wondered: what did you do with your prize money? That was a lot of loot, you know,” she queried with genuine curiosity.

He sighed and looked forward, hands in his pockets, and slightly upset. “Well, I _was_ going to buy myself a keyboard and a book on how to play, but when I went back to the music store the next day, the price had been hiked up by fifty dollars! I asked the owner about that, and he said that the advertised price had been incorrect, and that he was glad he corrected it in time before he was forced to pay a lower price and lose his profit.”

_That explains it._

She pressed on, “Are you still going to try buying it?”

“Eventually. I’m trying to save up for the rest, but the boarding house needed emergency repairs recently, and I had to help out by pitching in so Grandpa could buy replacement parts and equipment. Grandpa says that he’s going to pay me back—eventually—” he huffed. “But I’m not sure when that’s going to happen. Grandma has tried to help me learn how to play the piano in the meantime, and I’ve taken a few lessons, but…I…” He sighed again and looked up. “…I kinda lost my ‘muse’ after…after a bad date last February. I’m trying to practice, and I’m trying to follow Grandma’s lessons, but…I…I just don’t feel motivated right now…and I’m not sure if I ever will again. Besides, I can’t exactly take the piano out and play it anywhere I want to. I can only play it on the rooftop.”

Helga’s heart was pained with pity, but it also swelled with excitement when she got an idea. “Tell you what, Football Head. Maybe I can help you buy your keyboard with the _second-place_ prize money, and maybe it will _also_ be enough to buy you that book on how to play it.”

The boy stopped, pulled his hands out of his pockets, and stared at her, wide-eyed. He stuttered, “Huh? But…Hel…Helga…why…why do you want to help me out?” He knew Helga wasn’t known for her generosity, much less for being generous with _him!_

“Think of it as a late birthday present, Arnold.” She turned to him as well, and it was her turn to sigh. “I told you before: you’re okay, and you’ve helped many people many times, so maybe…so maybe it’s time someone helped _you_.” She pointed at him. “You wanted to play keyboard, right? Maybe you still can. I mean, you play lousy baseball, so maybe you can be the team keyboard player who will get the crowd singing _Take Me Out to the Ballgame_ at the seventh inning stretch!” She finished with a mocking smile, holding her hands behind her to emphasise it.

“Gee, thanks, Helga,” he replied with a smirk and with clear sarcasm.

“You’re welcome.” She pointed at him to emphasise. “So don’t say I never did you any favours.”

He just stared at her with hooded eyes _—the eyes that she had fallen into thousands of times now—_ said nothing, and both resumed their trip to his home.

They continued to walk in silence toward Sunset Arms, and as they did, Helga remembered the confrontation she had with her father the night after the contest:

_“How could you miss that last letter??? You could have won!!!” yelled Bob, standing in the living room, fuming at his youngest daughter._

_“You NEVER expected me to win!!! I didn’t want to ruin your expectations, Bob!” She then pulled out Arnold’s crumpled check and spread it out for him to see._

_Bob stood back at that, almost paling._

_“So, yeah, thanks for ‘believing’ in me, Bob. Good luck giving away all your precious merchandise to your demanding clientele! But if I were you, I would try first giving away the beepers that you were going to return unsold anyway!” And with that, Helga marched to her room and slammed the door shut._

After she finished reminiscing, Helga realised something:

_I still have Arnold’s check that Bob wrote for him! I kept it only because Arnold touched it, but I still have it! And it has his name on it—!!!—wait, no. Arnold CAN’T cash it because Stupid Bob didn’t write his last name! Or maybe that was how Bob was going to pull a fast one on Arnold by NOT writing his full name so he wouldn’t have been able to cash the check if he had accepted the bribe? Well, his plan is going to backfire again; I’ll make sure of it. Maybe I can fake Bob’s handwriting and add Arnold’s last name so that he can cash it…_

She eyed the boy.

_Puh. He’s such a do-gooder that he will very likely refuse and tear up the check instead. Hmm…I gotta present it to him in a situation where he will HAVE to agree to cash it, though once he does, I’ll have to be on the lookout for when the bank sends the cancelled check back so Bob won’t see it, that’s IF he ever notices it; I doubt he called the bank to put a hold on that check since he thinks I threw it away…hmm, I also have to grab Bob’s checkbook and pull out the stub so he won’t know what happened…_

And then she suddenly realised something.

_I wonder if Bob managed to bribe Olga’s rival. Wow, wouldn’t THAT be something? All of Olga’s successes would have been based on a lie. Hmm…gotta find out who he was and find out…_

They walked in silence for a while again, still headed for Sunset Arms, and then Helga realised that since they were back in fourth grade, the trip to San Lorenzo hadn’t happened yet.

“You know, Helga, Gerald said that you—”

“Tell me about your parents,” she turned, interrupting him.

“Huh?” He looked at her, surprised yet again. “Wh-why do you want to know about them?”

She shrugged and stuffed her hands in her pockets. “Well, after Parents’ Day, I practically know now all the parents of the rest of the class, and I know your grandparents, and it seems as if every single one of them is a basketcase. So…maybe your parents are the most normal of them all?” Helga smiled at the idea.

He huffed. “Well, I don’t know about them being ‘normal’. My dad’s an archaeologist, and my mom is an anthropologist, but she also has a degree in medicine.”

She moved closer. “Tell me more.”

He blinked at her, “Why…why do you want to know more?”

“Hey, you said that your parents might not be normal, and considering how crazy your grandparents are, I’m curious to know if your parents are just as crazy as them.”

Arnold smiled when he realised that.

_And BOY how she loved watching him smile._

“Well, I suppose you _could_ call them crazy, considering they were explorers, too, to the point that they went to the ends of the earth to find lost civilisations.”

“Really? Tell me more…”


	19. END ZINGER AND CREDITS – DREAM WITHIN A DREAM?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: If this fanfic were an actual animated episode, the credits would roll as this scene played out.

_Several days later…_

Arnold and Helga entered his room for a “study session”, and by “study session”, it really _meant_ “study session” because it was assigned to them by Mr. Simmons, and they were carrying their school bags.

He took his remote control and pressed a few buttons. The lights brightened and the red couch flipped away from the wall. The stereo didn’t turn on, however, but his computer on the far wall did.

As they walked across the room, Helga was trying to not touch every wall and piece of furniture here or jump on his bed and inhale his intoxicating scent from his pillow, and she thought she was going to explode from the way she was restraining herself from crying with joy at the fact that this room, and Sunset Arms as well, was still physically here, and not torn down and levelled to an empty lot.

_She had already hugged the building in relief once she had walked Arnold home several days ago, though she waited until he walked inside. Once she was alone, she hugged the corner of the building and cried with joy for several minutes. Helga almost made her way to the back yard and the sauna then, but she had to get ready to go to the game that evening._

Helga shivered at the memory, so to distract herself, she decided to ask something that had been on her mind for some time, “Say, Football Head, I want to thank you again for watching over me and tucking me in bed back when I had amnesia, but the next day, I couldn’t help but notice something.”

“What?” he asked, sitting at his desk and placing his bag on the floor at his right.

“Why didn’t you take my shoes off? I had to get Miriam to wash my sheets the next day.”

The boy blushed and pretended to open some files on his computer. “Um…you…you kept playing around…and…and giggling. You…wouldn’t let me take them off. And…um…” He was trying to say this without making her furious and have her bash his head and give _him_ amnesia—perhaps just enough to make him forget that night. “You…um…thought I was tickling you and were kinda…fidgeting around…and…and your clothes…um…were getting all wrinkled! Yeah!” He piped up, proud of himself for coming up with a reasonable explanation. “And…and I guess I thought your mom would help you with your clothes when she came home, so…I just gave up and tucked you in bed, shoes and all. S-sorry I messed up your sheets.”

Helga nodded, dropped her bag on the floor on the left of the couch, and crossed her arms with satisfaction, staying standing behind him.

_So, I was right. I WAS playing with him and didn’t realise that I was giving him a few skirt peeks. Oh, Arnold, ever the noble one. But let’s see your reaction when I KNOW what I’m doing._

“Ah, don’t worry about it, Football Head. Miriam didn’t have any trouble getting the dirt out.” She then looked at the couch, which was against the wall on the left of the desk—just as she remembered it—and sat down. “Hmm…bouncy,” she quipped as she bobbed on it. “Mind if I take my shoes off? It’s the least I can do for not letting you take them off the other day.”

“Uh…sure…no…no problem,” he stuttered, rather taken aback at her request. “Just…just don’t forget them before you leave,” he smiled, trying to joke with her.

She only glared at him, and he realised his “joke” fell flat, so he dropped his smile and turned his attention back to the screen as the girl sat down.

Helga also remembered what she had seen the last time she had been on this couch, or more exactly, pressed up against it.

Her heart began to race as the image that had been burned into her retinas replayed in her head.

_Oh, too bad that the incident with that stupid parrot happened several months ago instead of it happening in the near future; I would have gotten a video camera!!! Anyway, Arnoldo, I suppose it’s only fair for me to return the favour, even if you don’t know what happened before. So, my beloved, take a gander at this!_

Helga kicked off her shoes, grabbed her history book from her bag, opened it, held it up so it hid most of her face from him, and began fidgeting on the couch, sitting Indian-style, meaning she was cross-legged, knees wide open.

_And her open skirt was aimed at the desk and the boy sitting there._

_Her heart raced faster, even faster than it had when she had inadvertently seen him undressing._

She pretended to be reading her book, but she wouldn’t stop fidgeting: she raised one knee, then the other, then both knees went up so they would support the book in front of her face, then she kneeled on the couch, then she sat cross-legged again, and she did all of this apparently ignoring the fact that her dress was riding up her legs and the hem uncovered her knees and lower thighs several times.

_I can’t believe I’m doing this!_

Sure, she occasionally pulled her dress down to her shins again, but her constant shifting only undid her momentary “adjustments”.

_…white…_

And Arnold, apparently staring at the screen _, was blushing like she had never seen him blush before._

_Seeing something you like, Football Head? Don’t think I haven’t noticed you glancing at me from the corner of your eye! Oh, Arnold, you look so cute and handsome when you’re flustered! I can’t wait to ask you about the sauna! And now that I know your deepest and darkest desires, you can be sure I’ll be suggesting a private swim of our own as well!!! Your reaction alone will be worth it!!! Oh, I’ve got to do that before any other girl asks you first!!!_

Her whole body shivered when she thought that, _especially everything below her belly button…_

She was glad she was covering her face with the book—though she, too, was glancing at him over the top of it—otherwise he would have seen that her face was just as red as his was!

“Um…Helga?”

“Yes?” She looked up from her book but only let him see her eyes, while she scratched her bare left knee.

He didn’t dare turn to his left. “Uh…is…is the couch uncomfortable for you? I can get another chair, if you like, and you can sit with me here—”

“Actually, I’m quite comfortable here, Football Head,” she smiled smugly behind her book. “If I were sleepy, I would probably take a long nap on your couch. Boy am I glad we didn’t do this in my room; you would have needed to sit on the floor or on my bed!”

_And there’s no way I would want you so close to my shrine…not yet, anyway._

“Um…right…let’s…just…continue…” he stuttered.

Helga continued fidgeting for a few more minutes but then decided enough was enough.

_For now._

She lowered her book slightly to see him clearly again, “Say, Arnold, did you bring your geography book?”

“Y-yes, why?” It took all his strength to keep his eyes from wandering to his left _and staying looking at his left._

“Can you look something up for me?

He turned to his right, relieved and glad that he didn’t have to glance at his left for a while. “Sure. What do you need to find?”

“Well, there’s a reference here to Central America. Can you find a certain country there?”

The previously flustered boy seemed to brighten up at the question, considering he was _very_ familiar with the region. “Sure.” He pulled out his book from his bag and opened it in front of him. “What country?” he asked, focusing on the text.

“It’s in the north part of Central America. What countries are there, and what are their capitals?”

_Will San Lorenzo be there because I WANT it to be there? Or because it actually IS there?_

Arnold turned to the correct page and recited, “Guatemala, capital: Guatemala City. Belize, capital: Belmopan. And San Lorenzo, capital: Ciudad de Puerto Clara.”

Helga smiled behind her history book.

_Second confirmation._

“Yes, that sounds just about right,” she replied casually, trying not to shout and jump for joy and tear her clothes off in celebration. She cleared her throat and continued with fake calmness, “Also, can you look up a place in Europe?”

“Europe?” he blinked, suddenly feeling out of his element, but decided to help her anyway and turned the pages further ahead. “Sure.”

“Is there a country between France and Spain? I think there’s one here, but the print is so small I can’t tell.”

“Let me check…” He turned a few more pages, squinted a bit, and declared, “Yes, there is one. It’s called…An…An-dora? Andorra, yes. Capital: Andorra La Vella.”

The girl smiled again and almost _did_ shout and jump for joy and tear her clothes off in celebration.

“Oh, okay, I thought that it said here ‘Pandora’ or ‘Endora’ or ‘Eudora’. Huh, I hope the Board of Education reprints this book with clearer text, sheesh.”

“Why did you want to know that?” He turned to her but quickly turned back to the book, blushing. “It-it’s not part of our assignment…”

At that, Helga took a deep breath to force herself to calm down and make sure the extra blood flowed away from her face, neck, and ears.

She finally stood—giving him relief when her dress fell below her knees again—padded to the desk and stood at Arnold’s left. She leaned down next to him to see the map on the book—trying not to swoon at his wonderful scent—and looked at the tiny enclave in the middle of the Pyrenees.

_Andorra._

_Third confirmation._

_Confirmation complete._

“Oh, I was just verifying something I heard on the news a few days ago.” She straightened out, sighed with relief, and smiled with triumph. “Thanks, Football Head. All of that may seem completely trivial, but it really does mean a lot to me.”

She placed her hand on the geography book and looked at him with tenderness.

“Thank you,” she said softly.

“Uh…you’re welcome…” he stuttered, sitting back, unsure as to why Helga seemed so… _nice_ all of the sudden.

With that, he turned back to the computer and continued his assignment, and Helga padded back to the couch.

_Finally, I know I’m back home._

_And at last, I know I’m awake._

THE END / DAS ENDE / DIE EINDE / EINDE / EL FIN / O FIN / LE FIN / IL FINE / SFÂRŞIT / KONIEC / КОНЕЦ / BEIGAS / LOPPU / ΤΈΛΟΣ / סוף / TAMAT / LIAU / DANEH O’ / 剧 终 / おわり / UXUL / TLAMILIZTLI

* * *

_Authors note: So now Helga has knowledge of the future, starting from “Beaned” onward. I had the episode “Summer Love” happening in the future too, even though it’s the Season Four finale, because the production number doesn’t always coincide with the order the episodes first aired, or the chronological order of the general series storyline, so it’s up to you if it’s included or not._

_And now, I present a challenge to all HA authors! That challenge is to write stories with Helga using the knowledge she has about the future starting from “Beaned”. If you decide to accept the challenge and write a fanfic, make sure to mention that it is part of the “Awakeverse”. Remember, Helga’s knowledge includes the events of the first movie, the Jungle Movie, and, if you want to be daring, anything from the proposed Season 6, as well as “The Patakis”._

_You will also notice that there were a lot of loose ends left with “bizarro-Helga” (Stinky’s girlfriend), but you can tie those up on your own. I could have gone back and forth with her and Helga, but I didn’t want to focus on someone who is very much an Original Character, and this story was supposed to be focused on Craig Bartlett’s Helga. Still, you can go ahead and write Stinky’s girlfriend’s adventures and how her life would be without her parents, with her sister’s meddling, and perhaps with her new foster family._

_So, who is up for this challenge? And does any artist want to draw scenes from this fanfic?_

_I hope my story gave some of you the inspiration to write more HA fanfics!!!_

* * *

All characters, places, events, Mr. Nutty, and Yahoo Soda are © Nickelodeon/Craig Bartlett EXCEPT FOR:

Dr. Jones, the nurses, the construction workers, and the policemen, who are © The J.A.M.

Lake Park was named by The J.A.M.

Drymon Medical Clinic and Yahoo Soda were created by Steve Viksten and Rachel Lipman.

“Helga’s Boyfriend” was written by Steve Viksten and Rachel Lipman.

The “Walden” quote was written by Jordana Arkin.

The “Magic Show” quote was written by Glen David Gold.

“Stinky Goes Hollywood” and “Helga’s Show” were written by Steve Viksten.

Gerald Field was created by Josie Nericcio.

Arnie, his town, and Mr. Nutty were created by Michelle Lamoreaux and Steve Viksten.

The “dispense with the pleasantries” quote is © 1983 Lucasfilm.

“Spelling Bee” was written by Joe Ansolabehere.

“Beaned” was originally written by Michelle Lamoreaux. Adaptation by The J.A.M.

The Legend of the Man from Andorra was ripped off from The Legend of the Man from Taured. Do a web search on “The Man from Taured” if you want to know more about that legend. And in case you’re still confused, Helga was in the universe where Taured exists, but San Lorenzo doesn’t.

Slausen’s Ice Cream Parlour was created by Steve Viksten.

The Safehouse was created by Jonathan Greenberg and Megan Blumenreich.

The poem “HELGA” was originally written by Craig Bartlett. Adaptation by The J.A.M.

Dr. Bliss was created by Craig Bartlett and Steve Viksten. Her first name is a theory by The J.A.M.

Starring:

Francesca Marie Smith – Helga and Gloria

Spencer Klein – Arnold

Susan Blu – Nurse #2

Frank Welker – Construction Worker

Christopher Walberg – Stinky

Jamil Walker Smith – Gerald

Lauren Robinson – Nadine

Toran Caudell – Wolfgang

Michael Bacall – Torvald

Phillip Van Dyke – Ludwig

Nika Futterman – Olga

Anndi McAfee – Phoebe

Justin Shenkarow – Harold

David Wohl – Principal Wartz

Jack Angel – Superintendent Chaplin

Grant Hoover – Arnie

Lacey Chabert – Ruth McDougal

Ashley Buccille – Lila

Antoinette Stella – Stella

Craig Bartlett – Miles

Dan Gilvezan – The teller

Dom Irrera – The bus driver

Peter New – The policeman

Dan Castellaneta – Jolly Olly Man

Kath Soucie – Miriam

Adam Wylie – Curly

Olivia Hack – Rhonda

and

Maurice LaMarche – Big Bob

Special appearances by:

Hugh Laurie – Dr. Jones

and

Phylicia Rashad – Nurse #1

Special thanks:

To JayDogg187, for a bit of inspiration

To Dr. Jose Ramiro Acosta Perez, Ph.D. for the medical information.

To Optimepps and LoneHacker for the information on Russian names.

Extra special thanks:

To petsok107326, for editing this story.

Flower Princess11, for the original partial inspiration.

To Craig Bartlett, Steve Viksten, and Michelle Lamoreaux, for writing such great episodes.

The numbering system I used for the chapters this time? Well, there are 10 types of people in the world: those who know binary…and those who don’t ;) ;) ;)

¡Zacatepóngolas!

Until next time, remember:

I

AM

THE

J.A.M. (a.k.a. Numbuh _i_ : “Just because I’m imaginary doesn’t mean I don’t exist”)

Good evening.

[WARP!!!]


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